Dec 24, 2008
My uncle is so racist, it's unbelievable.
There's a picture of my sister and a friend of hers on the fridge. Her friend happens to be black. And a guy. He asked me what the deal was with that. He asked if he was her boyfriend. I told him that he was just a friend from her elementary school who moved away. Then he asked if he died. I told him he didn't, and he said, "He should have."
He proceeded to ask me if my boyfriend was black and then told me that I better NEVER have a black boyfriend or he'd kill him and me.
There's a picture of my sister and a friend of hers on the fridge. Her friend happens to be black. And a guy. He asked me what the deal was with that. He asked if he was her boyfriend. I told him that he was just a friend from her elementary school who moved away. Then he asked if he died. I told him he didn't, and he said, "He should have."
He proceeded to ask me if my boyfriend was black and then told me that I better NEVER have a black boyfriend or he'd kill him and me.
Because I don't have an answer from him, I NEED an answer from you.
"I mean, I can see where they're coming from. It's the holidays, you should spend it with family. Sorry."
It seems I hear that a lot from you. Are you? Because you don't seem to understand. I KNOW how many holidays I'm going to have with you. I've had a lot of them already. But I couldn't see him last year, and I can't know if I will next year.
This is another example of why I FUCKING HATE YOU.
I'm leaving whether you like it or not.
"I mean, I can see where they're coming from. It's the holidays, you should spend it with family. Sorry."
It seems I hear that a lot from you. Are you? Because you don't seem to understand. I KNOW how many holidays I'm going to have with you. I've had a lot of them already. But I couldn't see him last year, and I can't know if I will next year.
This is another example of why I FUCKING HATE YOU.
I'm leaving whether you like it or not.
I just had the weirdest dream. We were in detroit playing in a park, and on our way home, someone told me that I didn't have any friends, so the next day on the bus, I brought a giant glass teletubbies mural (covered in hearts and magic wands?) and when those kids who told me I didn't have any friends got on the bus, i showed them that mural and somehow that proves that I have friends and the entire bus broke into song except these two guys who couldn't manage to rhyme their part of the song. So Katie and liz and I were making fun of them, when our bus stopped on the side of the school. We walked aways, and for some reason I was inside the mural (it was cylindrical), so I had to get out, and I leaned on a row of lockers (which magically materialized outside of the school), but when I jumped out the glass broke except one big piece that had the teletubbies on it. Then, we found a bolt door leading to the Aud (which is a recurring thing in my dream). It's sort of like a tiny steel door about 2 feet tall and wide that leads to a hallway which sort of resembles the catwalk. Anyway, they normally don't open this bolt door, but they said we should use our magic wands to open it. I think they were being sarcastic, but because of all the pieces of the teletubbies mural that were magic wands, people picked them up and pointed them at the door and it flew open! Everyone cheered (although I'm not sure where all these other people came from) and I went into the bolt door with what was left of my mural and then realized I had to climb down about three flights of vertical stairs, and then I woke up.
By the way, I was up every two hours puking my brains out last night. That was also really fun, and it seems my sister is sick like that too. I hope Carl isn't. I don't want to ruin his trip, but it seems like it passes over pretty Quickly. I don't feel anything right now, and I'm not sick in any other way either.
Whatever. I miss you guys.
By the way, I was up every two hours puking my brains out last night. That was also really fun, and it seems my sister is sick like that too. I hope Carl isn't. I don't want to ruin his trip, but it seems like it passes over pretty Quickly. I don't feel anything right now, and I'm not sick in any other way either.
Whatever. I miss you guys.
Dec 21, 2008
The drops of rain, they fall all over.
You called right after I made that post- by coincidence or by design. You're right. I deserve so much more than I get. I'm becoming more like my father everyday. So passive, putting everyone else before himself...
I can't have those happy dreams for you tonight. It hurts so much. My lungs can't get enough air, I just keep breathing, and when it stops it feels like I'm dying. My lip keeps twitching and I can't stop shaking. It never hurt this much before. Why does it hurt so much? My face is wet. I just want it all to stop. I just want you. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Make it stop.
Help me
I can't have those happy dreams for you tonight. It hurts so much. My lungs can't get enough air, I just keep breathing, and when it stops it feels like I'm dying. My lip keeps twitching and I can't stop shaking. It never hurt this much before. Why does it hurt so much? My face is wet. I just want it all to stop. I just want you. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Make it stop.
Help me
It's a wonderful life as the red and green breaks the black and white
I like Quickies. And I like being logged into all of your stuff because you didn't actually Quit Firefox. Even though I could log in to your stuff anytime I wanted to because I have all of your passwords so... yeah.
Curling was amazing! I used to mock them on tv because it seems like such a ridiculous sport (which it is) but damn is it fun! And hard (except I already knew that much)! And I like hanging out with your silly scouts xD
I'm not sure how successful I will be at getting you what you wanted, I only have $10 and sometimes Dillon won't bother for that little, and I'm not sure if Kramer will get it for me either. Plus I have the weather to consider and the fact that they have to get it to me will not really convince anyone. This would be easier if I had a car or it was summer, but unfortunately I don't and it's not.
Anyhow, I love you a lot, and miss me up in Kalamazoo (which I know you will). Actually about this time, you're just getting out of mass (if it was at 9 still, that is), so bye I guess. I love you.
I on the other hand, am going to my grandma's for Christmas. I figured it was the lesser of two evils. I'd rather have complete disappointment than spend a day with my mother and my sister(s?). So, goodbye to all of you too.
Curling was amazing! I used to mock them on tv because it seems like such a ridiculous sport (which it is) but damn is it fun! And hard (except I already knew that much)! And I like hanging out with your silly scouts xD
I'm not sure how successful I will be at getting you what you wanted, I only have $10 and sometimes Dillon won't bother for that little, and I'm not sure if Kramer will get it for me either. Plus I have the weather to consider and the fact that they have to get it to me will not really convince anyone. This would be easier if I had a car or it was summer, but unfortunately I don't and it's not.
Anyhow, I love you a lot, and miss me up in Kalamazoo (which I know you will). Actually about this time, you're just getting out of mass (if it was at 9 still, that is), so bye I guess. I love you.
I on the other hand, am going to my grandma's for Christmas. I figured it was the lesser of two evils. I'd rather have complete disappointment than spend a day with my mother and my sister(s?). So, goodbye to all of you too.
Dec 19, 2008
I don't blame you for being you, but you can't blame me for hating it
Eating oranges and typing are not good combinations. I should have thought this one out a little bit.
Anyway, I feel like a fever just broke. I'm all sweaty and hot, my hair is a mess, and I'm in my pajamas. But fortunately, I was just brushing a foot of snow off my trampoline. I woke up and realized no one was home. I looked out the back window and saw that my trampoline was about to break in half and I figured it would probably be a good idea to get rid of the snow. But, I didn't bother to take a shower or anything and I put on about 5 layers of clothes with 2 sweaters on top of my pajamas, and by the time I was done, I was about to keel over and die. It was a little bit much, but I didn't think that through all that much either.
But WHOO! NO school! I was so pissed this morning at about 3:30 because nothing had happened yet. I slept with my blinds open so that I could check on the storm progress. I was about to cry because I was so mad because I figured that we would still have school. So, in my frustration, I went back to sleep and at 5:30 when my alarm went off, I looked out the window and saw snow! I checked the news and saw school was canceled and then called Carl and told him not to wake up (even though I woke him up). Then I fell back asleep for about 5 hours.
That was my day, and it's only 11 in the morning right now. Imagine what will happen later.
Anyway, I feel like a fever just broke. I'm all sweaty and hot, my hair is a mess, and I'm in my pajamas. But fortunately, I was just brushing a foot of snow off my trampoline. I woke up and realized no one was home. I looked out the back window and saw that my trampoline was about to break in half and I figured it would probably be a good idea to get rid of the snow. But, I didn't bother to take a shower or anything and I put on about 5 layers of clothes with 2 sweaters on top of my pajamas, and by the time I was done, I was about to keel over and die. It was a little bit much, but I didn't think that through all that much either.
But WHOO! NO school! I was so pissed this morning at about 3:30 because nothing had happened yet. I slept with my blinds open so that I could check on the storm progress. I was about to cry because I was so mad because I figured that we would still have school. So, in my frustration, I went back to sleep and at 5:30 when my alarm went off, I looked out the window and saw snow! I checked the news and saw school was canceled and then called Carl and told him not to wake up (even though I woke him up). Then I fell back asleep for about 5 hours.
That was my day, and it's only 11 in the morning right now. Imagine what will happen later.
Dec 16, 2008
I came down to crash and burn your beggar's banQuet
Dwight thought it was me who told his sister that he smokes. I told him that I don't talk to his sister ever and she never comes around our house and that I don't care about whether he does or doesn't. I also reminded him of the code: You don't talk about it. And besides, only a nonsmoker would rat out a smoker. It's as simple as that.
It was James who did it by the way. Because he's an asshole. He says he's going to complain to the school about him smoking at the bus stop, just because.
Like I said, I don't care.
Show call's at 6 right? I thought I had signed up for tomorrow's show. I thought I had signed up for everything that Carl had. Now that I think about it though, I vaguely remember that I signed up before he did and just picked random dates. I STILL HAVE TO TAKE THE LIGHT AND SOUND TESTS. Keep on me about that.
It was James who did it by the way. Because he's an asshole. He says he's going to complain to the school about him smoking at the bus stop, just because.
Like I said, I don't care.
Show call's at 6 right? I thought I had signed up for tomorrow's show. I thought I had signed up for everything that Carl had. Now that I think about it though, I vaguely remember that I signed up before he did and just picked random dates. I STILL HAVE TO TAKE THE LIGHT AND SOUND TESTS. Keep on me about that.
Dec 14, 2008
You take your car, I'll take my bag, you take the wheel, I'll gather money for gas
There's a few things on my mind:
1. Thanks. A lot. I'm really glad I'm at the top of your list there.
2. How exactly would you go about turning a mexican or an indian into a white person?
3. I hate your mom. Probably just as much as you. She really has that special way of rubbing everything that's wrong about your life in your face, doesn't she?
4. WHY DO I HURT SO MUCH IN THE TUMMY?
5. You're a fucking creep. NOT EVER WITH YOU EVER EVER EVER. I'm not sure I can ever talk to you again after that.
6. A1 is good on chicken.
7. I have a lot of homework still.
... I'm done for now.
1. Thanks. A lot. I'm really glad I'm at the top of your list there.
2. How exactly would you go about turning a mexican or an indian into a white person?
3. I hate your mom. Probably just as much as you. She really has that special way of rubbing everything that's wrong about your life in your face, doesn't she?
4. WHY DO I HURT SO MUCH IN THE TUMMY?
5. You're a fucking creep. NOT EVER WITH YOU EVER EVER EVER. I'm not sure I can ever talk to you again after that.
6. A1 is good on chicken.
7. I have a lot of homework still.
... I'm done for now.
Dec 13, 2008
If you don't know what you want, you end up with a lot you don't.
I had a dream. I don't remember what it was about. I don't really think it was about anything. But when I woke up from it this morning, I decided that I was really going to start thinking about college and what I want to do with my life.
I've decided on Chemical Engineering, Major in Materials Science with an emphasis on Chemistry. I figure, I enjoy science and more of theory work, problem solving, you know? Plus it doesn't take very long to get a Master's Degree, and starting salary (if you get a decent job) is about 50K because there's a pretty good demand for Chemical Engineers. And if you stay in the field for 10 years, your salary is around 90 to 100k and you'll be in a more managerial position. Also, if you hold out for a Doctorate, your starting position will most likely be managerial, meaning higher salary.
All in all, it seems like a good idea. Of course there are some flaws, nothing's perfect, I mean, it doesn't mean I'll get a job right out of college anyhow, but it's something to go on at least.
Vous ne pouvez pas remplir le tamis.
I've decided on Chemical Engineering, Major in Materials Science with an emphasis on Chemistry. I figure, I enjoy science and more of theory work, problem solving, you know? Plus it doesn't take very long to get a Master's Degree, and starting salary (if you get a decent job) is about 50K because there's a pretty good demand for Chemical Engineers. And if you stay in the field for 10 years, your salary is around 90 to 100k and you'll be in a more managerial position. Also, if you hold out for a Doctorate, your starting position will most likely be managerial, meaning higher salary.
All in all, it seems like a good idea. Of course there are some flaws, nothing's perfect, I mean, it doesn't mean I'll get a job right out of college anyhow, but it's something to go on at least.
Vous ne pouvez pas remplir le tamis.
Dec 11, 2008
Dec 8, 2008
I don't know but I've been told, you never slow down, you never grow old
Tired of screwing up, tired of going down, tired of myself, tired of this town.
I'm sorry, there was just something that really knocked me out of it. I was just tired of being there. I think that even if you were going to crew I still would have left.
And despite how I may say it, I always mean it. There has never been a time where I took you for granted. I'm so glad I have you. Of course, it may be in retaliation sometimes, but the significance is always the same.
And by the way, I hope you're not mad because I took your silly little clay bowl home with me. That one I found mixed up in all your ornaments. In my defense, I told you I was going to. It's on my dresser next to your lego house :)
I'm sorry, there was just something that really knocked me out of it. I was just tired of being there. I think that even if you were going to crew I still would have left.
And despite how I may say it, I always mean it. There has never been a time where I took you for granted. I'm so glad I have you. Of course, it may be in retaliation sometimes, but the significance is always the same.
And by the way, I hope you're not mad because I took your silly little clay bowl home with me. That one I found mixed up in all your ornaments. In my defense, I told you I was going to. It's on my dresser next to your lego house :)
Dec 3, 2008
I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now
You called me weird. It made me smile.
I think the reason we don't kiss with tongue as much anymore is because it mostly happens at school and it's not the easiest to just make out in the hallway.
You know, I love you more than words can say, and I love that I can make you laugh. I love when you try to teach me things and I love that you learn just as much as I do. I love when you're exhausted but you still run around and let me jump all over you. I love when you nom on my face and I love how you put up with all the silly things I do. I love how you are too good at hickeys now, and I love how you try to put me first even though it doesn't matter. I love when we knock each other over in the hallways and I love when you carry me around. I love when we trip over each other and I love how you always have time for one more kiss. I love how you don't care who's watching and I love how you know everything about me. I love how you can brighten my day just by threatening. I love the concentration on your face when you try to bump into me. I love when you complain to me about your teachers and I love that all of my friends know you and all of your friends know me. I love that you can convince me to do anything. I love that you would do almost anything for me, and I love that I would do anything for you. I love that you think I'm beautiful no matter what I say and I love that you try to tell me you're not. I love your silly head-bob-thing that you do in the hallway and I love your smile and your hair and the way your eyes squint when you laugh. I love how you can be very serious when you need to be, but you always manage to sneak in some ridiculousness. I love the way you smell and I love wearing your clothes. I love playing games with you, and I love being at your house. I love doing nothing but watching tv. I love being atypical with you and not going out that much (but I love it more when we do). I love stealing your stuff and I love our properly improper grammar. I love spending time with you and I love that final squeeze on my hand as we part ways. I love how you pick up just as many of my habits as I've picked up of yours. I love how you know what I'm talking about even if I don't. I love how you justify things with "but I do." I love how we have the same thoughts occasionally. I love how you make me better than I ever could have been. I love when you write me letters and I love just calling you to see how your day was. I love how unexpected you can be. I love your taste in music and I love your taste in general. I love how you laugh and I love you just being there. I love how you apologize for things all the time, even though I forgive you right away. I love how you ride a mile and a half there and back once a week even in the cold.
I love you sooooo much.
I love you *stretches arms* this much!
I love you more... but equally the same.
I love you everything.
I love you more than me or you or the whole world could ever imagine.
I love you x∞
I love you forever.
I love you.
I think the reason we don't kiss with tongue as much anymore is because it mostly happens at school and it's not the easiest to just make out in the hallway.
You know, I love you more than words can say, and I love that I can make you laugh. I love when you try to teach me things and I love that you learn just as much as I do. I love when you're exhausted but you still run around and let me jump all over you. I love when you nom on my face and I love how you put up with all the silly things I do. I love how you are too good at hickeys now, and I love how you try to put me first even though it doesn't matter. I love when we knock each other over in the hallways and I love when you carry me around. I love when we trip over each other and I love how you always have time for one more kiss. I love how you don't care who's watching and I love how you know everything about me. I love how you can brighten my day just by threatening. I love the concentration on your face when you try to bump into me. I love when you complain to me about your teachers and I love that all of my friends know you and all of your friends know me. I love that you can convince me to do anything. I love that you would do almost anything for me, and I love that I would do anything for you. I love that you think I'm beautiful no matter what I say and I love that you try to tell me you're not. I love your silly head-bob-thing that you do in the hallway and I love your smile and your hair and the way your eyes squint when you laugh. I love how you can be very serious when you need to be, but you always manage to sneak in some ridiculousness. I love the way you smell and I love wearing your clothes. I love playing games with you, and I love being at your house. I love doing nothing but watching tv. I love being atypical with you and not going out that much (but I love it more when we do). I love stealing your stuff and I love our properly improper grammar. I love spending time with you and I love that final squeeze on my hand as we part ways. I love how you pick up just as many of my habits as I've picked up of yours. I love how you know what I'm talking about even if I don't. I love how you justify things with "but I do." I love how we have the same thoughts occasionally. I love how you make me better than I ever could have been. I love when you write me letters and I love just calling you to see how your day was. I love how unexpected you can be. I love your taste in music and I love your taste in general. I love how you laugh and I love you just being there. I love how you apologize for things all the time, even though I forgive you right away. I love how you ride a mile and a half there and back once a week even in the cold.
I love you sooooo much.
I love you *stretches arms* this much!
I love you more... but equally the same.
I love you everything.
I love you more than me or you or the whole world could ever imagine.
I love you x∞
I love you forever.
I love you.
Nov 30, 2008
When you turn down the key to the town and your social being
This really has been an interesting break.
I've been stoned-a lot.
I've eaten seafood-a lot (mind you, for the first time ever).
I've watched movies-a lot.
I've been lazy-a lot.
I've been busy-a lot.
And for a spell had only showered once in 3 days (which is more than half of this break).
I hung out with Steve!
and saw Kurt again [which was really awkward, Katie] (and he remembered who I was).
Carl hung out with Steve (even as brief as it was).
I hung out with Natalie (including being in her house for the first time ever)!
This break dragged on forever. I loved every second. I feel fantastic, honestly.
And this week will be just as good.
Wednesday?
This weekend?
High hopes.
I've been stoned-a lot.
I've eaten seafood-a lot (mind you, for the first time ever).
I've watched movies-a lot.
I've been lazy-a lot.
I've been busy-a lot.
And for a spell had only showered once in 3 days (which is more than half of this break).
I hung out with Steve!
and saw Kurt again [which was really awkward, Katie] (and he remembered who I was).
Carl hung out with Steve (even as brief as it was).
I hung out with Natalie (including being in her house for the first time ever)!
This break dragged on forever. I loved every second. I feel fantastic, honestly.
And this week will be just as good.
Wednesday?
This weekend?
High hopes.
Nov 29, 2008
We're doing fine, we're doing nothing at all.
I just realized, I have no real connections anymore.
FUUUUUUUUUUUCK.
I need to start making some new friends.
But, good news!
I have birth control! And Carl is allowed over at my dad's house again! And we set up our Christmas tree! And that crazy little elf village with lights and trees and shit! And tomorrow I'm probably gonna get trashed with my dad's friend Dean and maybe Katie and/or Carl! AND next weekend Katie and I might possibly be hanging out up at Central and partying HARD with Steve and the gang! Although it's still sort of undecided as of yet because we need to get ride approval and then have a convincing lie for our parents, plus money.
Ahh well. Things are... decent? Looking up, though generally down? I'm not sure. I've been really thrown off by this break. It seems to be stretching on forever, but it's gonna suck really bad when it does end.
FUUUUUUUUUUUCK.
I need to start making some new friends.
But, good news!
I have birth control! And Carl is allowed over at my dad's house again! And we set up our Christmas tree! And that crazy little elf village with lights and trees and shit! And tomorrow I'm probably gonna get trashed with my dad's friend Dean and maybe Katie and/or Carl! AND next weekend Katie and I might possibly be hanging out up at Central and partying HARD with Steve and the gang! Although it's still sort of undecided as of yet because we need to get ride approval and then have a convincing lie for our parents, plus money.
Ahh well. Things are... decent? Looking up, though generally down? I'm not sure. I've been really thrown off by this break. It seems to be stretching on forever, but it's gonna suck really bad when it does end.
Nov 24, 2008
Nov 22, 2008
Die young and save yourself.
I love Brand New a lot. If love was eQual to an amount in tons, it would be 293,847,298,374,918,348,394,892,384x10^∞. Which yes, is two hundred ninety-three septillion, eight hundred forty-seven sextillion, two hundred ninety-eight Quintillion, three hundred seventy-four Quadrillion, nine hundred eighteen trillion, three hundred forty-eight billion, three hundred ninety-four million, eight hundred ninety-two thousand, three hundred eighty-four times ten to infinity. Which is a lot. I actually had to look up some of those prefixes for the number classification.
For example, I bet you did not know that 10,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 is called one novemdecillion? Or that if you add another three zeros, it's called vigintillion and that 10^99 is called duotrigintillion? The Greek-based name for the three previous numbers were: icosillion, icosihenillion, and triacontatrillion. And, 10^100 or 10,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 is one googol.I feel smart. Except not really. This is not practical at all.
I'm so fucking weird, but, I don't care. Not anymore at least.
I don't really have anything to say right now. There are maybe 6 people in the entire world who know what I've been going through, and now that it's over, only those 6 can really understand how I'm feeling.
Now it's just time to pick up where I left off. For a while there, time was standing still.
I have to wait until Monday to get on birth control. They are implanting something in my arm for 3 years, but they have to synch it to my hormones so I have to be on my period, but the office isn't open on weekends. Unfortunately, my period only lasts about three days, so Monday is pretty much our only shot until next month.
Now, Tuesday night is wide open, plus, we won't have school the next day.
^^
For example, I bet you did not know that 10,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 is called one novemdecillion? Or that if you add another three zeros, it's called vigintillion and that 10^99 is called duotrigintillion? The Greek-based name for the three previous numbers were: icosillion, icosihenillion, and triacontatrillion. And, 10^100 or 10,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 is one googol.I feel smart. Except not really. This is not practical at all.
I'm so fucking weird, but, I don't care. Not anymore at least.
I don't really have anything to say right now. There are maybe 6 people in the entire world who know what I've been going through, and now that it's over, only those 6 can really understand how I'm feeling.
Now it's just time to pick up where I left off. For a while there, time was standing still.
I have to wait until Monday to get on birth control. They are implanting something in my arm for 3 years, but they have to synch it to my hormones so I have to be on my period, but the office isn't open on weekends. Unfortunately, my period only lasts about three days, so Monday is pretty much our only shot until next month.
Now, Tuesday night is wide open, plus, we won't have school the next day.
^^
Nov 20, 2008
Your skin attached, this fragile cliche of my broken heart attack
You should swallow your teeth and hang out and stay for a while.
I'm sorry for earlier today, before the show. The stress is getting to me, more than you can imagine. I've just got so much to deal with right now, any little thing can set me off. I just need you to be there to help me out of it. I'm sorry I got mad at you, because I know I hate it when you get mad at me. But even you could see that you make me smile even if I'm upset. I know everything will work out fine in the end, but it doesn't help that we have to go through so much shit to get there.
I'm not sure if it's because I'm hormonal or I'm just freaked out, and that doesn't help either. You know. Those thoughts don't go away.
Anyhow, I'm sorry. I hate getting mad at you because then I always feel bad afterwards.
P.S. I made another one of these, but I don't think it's as good as the first.
I'm sorry for earlier today, before the show. The stress is getting to me, more than you can imagine. I've just got so much to deal with right now, any little thing can set me off. I just need you to be there to help me out of it. I'm sorry I got mad at you, because I know I hate it when you get mad at me. But even you could see that you make me smile even if I'm upset. I know everything will work out fine in the end, but it doesn't help that we have to go through so much shit to get there.
I'm not sure if it's because I'm hormonal or I'm just freaked out, and that doesn't help either. You know. Those thoughts don't go away.
Anyhow, I'm sorry. I hate getting mad at you because then I always feel bad afterwards.
P.S. I made another one of these, but I don't think it's as good as the first.
Nov 18, 2008
You say you want a revolution, well you know, we all want to change the world
Study shows men riskier drivers than women
SAN FRANCISCO, Nov. 16 (UPI) -- Men drive more dangerously than women and are more likely to be at fault when involved in a traffic accident, a company's analysis reveals.
Quality Planning Corp., a San Francisco company that validates policyholder information for auto insurers, said in a Friday news release it has determined that men are cited for reckless driving 3.41 times more often than women. Men also are pulled over for driving under the influence 3.09 times more often.
Men are cited more frequently for seatbelt violations (3.08), speeding (1.75), failure to yield (1.54) and stop sign/signal violations (1.53).
Women drivers were about 27 percent less likely than men to be found at fault when involved in an accident, Quality Planning's study of 12 months of 2007 policyholder information for U.S. drivers found.
The differences held true across all age groups, the company said.
Dr. Raj Bhat, president of Quality Planning, said because men are more likely to violate laws for speeding, passing and yielding, the resulting accidents caused by men lead to more expensive claims than those caused by women.
© 2008 United Press International, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
p.s. I win. *snicker snicker*
Nov 15, 2008
I don't know how to wake myself either
One Kiss by Tess Gallagher
A man was given one kiss, one
mouth, one tongue, one early dawn, one boat
on the sea, lust of an indeterminate
amount under stars. He was happy
and well fitted for life until he met a man
with two cocks. Then a sense of futility
and of the great unfairness of life befell him.
He lay about all day like a teenaged girl dreaming,
practicing all the ways to be unconsciously beautiful.
Gradually his competitive spirit began to fade
and in its place a gigantic kiss rowed toward him.
It seemed to recognize him, to have intended itself
only for him. It's just a kiss, he thought,
I'll use it up. The kiss had the same thing
on its mind—``I'll use up this man.''
But when two kisses kiss, it's like tigers
answering questions about infinity with their teeth.
Even if you are eaten, it's okay—you just become impossible
a new way—sleepless, stranger than fish, stranger
than some goofy man with two cocks. That's
what I meant about the hazards
of infinity. When you at last begin to seize those things
which don't exist,
how much longer will the night need to be?
America by Tony Hoagland
Then one of the students with blue hair and a tongue stud
Says that America is for him a maximum-security prison
Whose walls are made of RadioShacks and Burger Kings, and MTV episodes
Where you can’t tell the show from the commercials,
And as I consider how to express how full of shit I think he is,
He says that even when he’s driving to the mall in his Isuzu
Trooper with a gang of his friends, letting rap music pour over them
Like a boiling Jacuzzi full of ballpeen hammers, even then he feels
Buried alive, captured and suffocated in the folds
Of the thick satin quilt of America
And I wonder if this is a legitimate category of pain,
or whether he is just spin doctoring a better grade,
And then I remember that when I stabbed my father in the dream last night,
It was not blood but money
That gushed out of him, bright green hundred-dollar bills
Spilling from his wounds, and—this is the weird part—,
He gasped “Thank god—those Ben Franklins were
Clogging up my heart—
And so I perish happily,
Freed from that which kept me from my liberty”—
Which was when I knew it was a dream, since my dad
Would never speak in rhymed couplets,
And I look at the student with his acne and cell phone and phony ghetto clothes
And I think, “I am asleep in America too,
And I don’t know how to wake myself either,”
And I remember what Marx said near the end of his life:
“I was listening to the cries of the past,
When I should have been listening to the cries of the future.”
But how could he have imagined 100 channels of 24-hour cable
Or what kind of nightmare it might be
When each day you watch rivers of bright merchandise run past you
And you are floating in your pleasure boat upon this river
Even while others are drowning underneath you
And you see their faces twisting in the surface of the waters
And yet it seems to be your own hand
Which turns the volume higher?
Old Joke by Alan Shapiro
Radiant child of Leto, far working Lord Apollo,
with lyre in hand and golden plectrum, you sang to the gods
on Mount Olympus almost as soon as you were born.
You sang, and the Muses sang in answer, and together
your voices so delighted all your deathless elders
that their perfect happiness was made more perfect still.
What was it, though, that overwhelmed them, that suffused,
astonished, even the endless aether? Was it the freshest,
most wonderful stops of breath, the flawless intervals
and scales whose harmonies were mimicking in sound
the beauty of the gods themselves, or what you joined
to that, what you were singing of, our balked desires,
the miseries we suffer at your indifferent hands,
devastation, and bereavement, old age and death?
Far working, radiant child, what do you know about us?
Here is my father, half blind, and palsied, at the toilet,
he's shouting at his penis, Piss, you! Piss! Piss!
but the penis (like the heavenly host to mortal prayers)
is deaf and dumb; here, too, my mother with her bad knee,
on the eve of surgery, hobbling by the bathroom,
pausing, saying, who are you talking to in there?
and he replies, no one you would know, sweetheart.
Supernal one, in your untested mastery,
your easy excellence, with nothing to overcome,
and needing nothing but the most calamitous
and abject stories to prove how powerful you are,
how truly free, watch them as they laugh so briefly,
godlike, better than gods, if only for a moment
in which what goes wrong is converted to a rightness,
if only because now she's hobbling back to bed
where she won't sleep, if only because he pees at last,
missing the bowl, and has to get down on his knees
to wipe it up. You don't know anything about us.
A man was given one kiss, one
mouth, one tongue, one early dawn, one boat
on the sea, lust of an indeterminate
amount under stars. He was happy
and well fitted for life until he met a man
with two cocks. Then a sense of futility
and of the great unfairness of life befell him.
He lay about all day like a teenaged girl dreaming,
practicing all the ways to be unconsciously beautiful.
Gradually his competitive spirit began to fade
and in its place a gigantic kiss rowed toward him.
It seemed to recognize him, to have intended itself
only for him. It's just a kiss, he thought,
I'll use it up. The kiss had the same thing
on its mind—``I'll use up this man.''
But when two kisses kiss, it's like tigers
answering questions about infinity with their teeth.
Even if you are eaten, it's okay—you just become impossible
a new way—sleepless, stranger than fish, stranger
than some goofy man with two cocks. That's
what I meant about the hazards
of infinity. When you at last begin to seize those things
which don't exist,
how much longer will the night need to be?
America by Tony Hoagland
Then one of the students with blue hair and a tongue stud
Says that America is for him a maximum-security prison
Whose walls are made of RadioShacks and Burger Kings, and MTV episodes
Where you can’t tell the show from the commercials,
And as I consider how to express how full of shit I think he is,
He says that even when he’s driving to the mall in his Isuzu
Trooper with a gang of his friends, letting rap music pour over them
Like a boiling Jacuzzi full of ballpeen hammers, even then he feels
Buried alive, captured and suffocated in the folds
Of the thick satin quilt of America
And I wonder if this is a legitimate category of pain,
or whether he is just spin doctoring a better grade,
And then I remember that when I stabbed my father in the dream last night,
It was not blood but money
That gushed out of him, bright green hundred-dollar bills
Spilling from his wounds, and—this is the weird part—,
He gasped “Thank god—those Ben Franklins were
Clogging up my heart—
And so I perish happily,
Freed from that which kept me from my liberty”—
Which was when I knew it was a dream, since my dad
Would never speak in rhymed couplets,
And I look at the student with his acne and cell phone and phony ghetto clothes
And I think, “I am asleep in America too,
And I don’t know how to wake myself either,”
And I remember what Marx said near the end of his life:
“I was listening to the cries of the past,
When I should have been listening to the cries of the future.”
But how could he have imagined 100 channels of 24-hour cable
Or what kind of nightmare it might be
When each day you watch rivers of bright merchandise run past you
And you are floating in your pleasure boat upon this river
Even while others are drowning underneath you
And you see their faces twisting in the surface of the waters
And yet it seems to be your own hand
Which turns the volume higher?
Old Joke by Alan Shapiro
Radiant child of Leto, far working Lord Apollo,
with lyre in hand and golden plectrum, you sang to the gods
on Mount Olympus almost as soon as you were born.
You sang, and the Muses sang in answer, and together
your voices so delighted all your deathless elders
that their perfect happiness was made more perfect still.
What was it, though, that overwhelmed them, that suffused,
astonished, even the endless aether? Was it the freshest,
most wonderful stops of breath, the flawless intervals
and scales whose harmonies were mimicking in sound
the beauty of the gods themselves, or what you joined
to that, what you were singing of, our balked desires,
the miseries we suffer at your indifferent hands,
devastation, and bereavement, old age and death?
Far working, radiant child, what do you know about us?
Here is my father, half blind, and palsied, at the toilet,
he's shouting at his penis, Piss, you! Piss! Piss!
but the penis (like the heavenly host to mortal prayers)
is deaf and dumb; here, too, my mother with her bad knee,
on the eve of surgery, hobbling by the bathroom,
pausing, saying, who are you talking to in there?
and he replies, no one you would know, sweetheart.
Supernal one, in your untested mastery,
your easy excellence, with nothing to overcome,
and needing nothing but the most calamitous
and abject stories to prove how powerful you are,
how truly free, watch them as they laugh so briefly,
godlike, better than gods, if only for a moment
in which what goes wrong is converted to a rightness,
if only because now she's hobbling back to bed
where she won't sleep, if only because he pees at last,
missing the bowl, and has to get down on his knees
to wipe it up. You don't know anything about us.
Nov 14, 2008
On and on we sing our song
It's 11 at night. I'm dropped off at my house to find everyone in bed. They ask me where I've been, expecting me to have been home much sooner, so I'll recap:
Carl and I went to Laurel Park to see a movie. The intention was to just skip around the theaters and watch multiple movies, but after we finished the first it seemed kind of too late to watch another. Since it was 8:40, I figured it would be fun to fuck around and play around in the parking garage. We spent time walking ramps and running around in the rain and trying to get goldfish to "swim to the ocean," until about 9:20. At which point, we were going to call home. Well, my phone is down at my house, I don't have a cell phone because my mom took it away, I don't know my dad's cell phone number, my mom didn't call us back when we asked her for it, Carl's parents weren't home and didn't answer their cell phones either, leaving us stranded at 6 and Newburgh. We waited a little and Carl figured it would be best to start walking home, so off we went. Originally, we thought we were on 7 mile, but after walking aways we realized our error and had essentially cut a mile off of our estimated trip. When we got to 5 and Newburgh, we went to the CVS and I bought some sparkling water because it was cheap and we only had $1. We were pretty close at that point and made the rest of the journey to Carl's house to find that his parents had gotten home at the same time we did. After explaining our dilemma, I got dropped off and you know the rest of the story from there.
I mean, all in all I had a good time, but for fuck's sake. At least it wasn't cold, even if it was raining. Because of this, I'm going to petition to my mom for my cell back. Obviously I need it. That was the fucking reason she got it for me in the first place.
Mon Dieu!
Carl and I went to Laurel Park to see a movie. The intention was to just skip around the theaters and watch multiple movies, but after we finished the first it seemed kind of too late to watch another. Since it was 8:40, I figured it would be fun to fuck around and play around in the parking garage. We spent time walking ramps and running around in the rain and trying to get goldfish to "swim to the ocean," until about 9:20. At which point, we were going to call home. Well, my phone is down at my house, I don't have a cell phone because my mom took it away, I don't know my dad's cell phone number, my mom didn't call us back when we asked her for it, Carl's parents weren't home and didn't answer their cell phones either, leaving us stranded at 6 and Newburgh. We waited a little and Carl figured it would be best to start walking home, so off we went. Originally, we thought we were on 7 mile, but after walking aways we realized our error and had essentially cut a mile off of our estimated trip. When we got to 5 and Newburgh, we went to the CVS and I bought some sparkling water because it was cheap and we only had $1. We were pretty close at that point and made the rest of the journey to Carl's house to find that his parents had gotten home at the same time we did. After explaining our dilemma, I got dropped off and you know the rest of the story from there.
I mean, all in all I had a good time, but for fuck's sake. At least it wasn't cold, even if it was raining. Because of this, I'm going to petition to my mom for my cell back. Obviously I need it. That was the fucking reason she got it for me in the first place.
Mon Dieu!
Nov 13, 2008
That's not a riot, it's a feast; let's eat
I've been all over the fucking place today.
I'm hoping what comes next is blood.
My mother says that you are not allowed to come home with me tomorrow. She said she is going to drive by and check. I'm going to tell her that I'm going to Katie's.
I'm hoping what comes next is blood.
My mother says that you are not allowed to come home with me tomorrow. She said she is going to drive by and check. I'm going to tell her that I'm going to Katie's.
Nov 9, 2008
Nov 8, 2008
So shut your eyes, kiss me goodbye...
It would probably be wise of me to tell you that I don't have a cell phone anymore either. You'll have to call my Dad's house, because this is apparently where I'm going to be for a very long time.
I'll be getting my shit from my Mom's tomorrow. A lot of it anyhow.
367-9408 (for those who don't have the number) It will most likely be me who picks up the phone, because no one else ever does.
I'll be getting my shit from my Mom's tomorrow. A lot of it anyhow.
367-9408 (for those who don't have the number) It will most likely be me who picks up the phone, because no one else ever does.
Nov 6, 2008
America (FUCK YEAH!)
LOLZ. I feel really good about myself.
Go to my other blog. Go to the link towards the bottom called Today On the Interwebs. Read today's post. Then, proceed to read where he found out about today's post.
(hint: HE GOT IT FROM ME!!!!!)
Go to my other blog. Go to the link towards the bottom called Today On the Interwebs. Read today's post. Then, proceed to read where he found out about today's post.
(hint: HE GOT IT FROM ME!!!!!)
Nov 5, 2008
Guaranteed to blow your mind, anytime.
Hush, hush.
No frustration. No worries. No stress. Out of sight, out of mind.
There's a slim chance, and I'm banking on that.
You were right. They were right. Everyone was right. But we can't afford that.
Now it's just a waiting game.
No frustration. No worries. No stress. Out of sight, out of mind.
There's a slim chance, and I'm banking on that.
You were right. They were right. Everyone was right. But we can't afford that.
Now it's just a waiting game.
Nov 2, 2008
I don't see anything now, so just say what you wanna say.
It's kind of funny how I'm not listening anyway.
I like having problems with myself. I'm not going to deny that I get a rush when people tell me that I shouldn't do things and that it's not good for me. I like the feeling of doing dangerous things. I mean, it almost feels like my duty to let you all live vicariously through me. At least it means that you won't have to go through what I do, plus I get all the kicks.
But I feel like I've been shaping up. I feel clean. Frankly, I don't like that. Problem is, I can't afford to be problematic. I don't like that either.
I miss it. But I'm also afraid of losing certain things that I've worked pretty hard to get.
Does that make me a coward or a hero?
I like having problems with myself. I'm not going to deny that I get a rush when people tell me that I shouldn't do things and that it's not good for me. I like the feeling of doing dangerous things. I mean, it almost feels like my duty to let you all live vicariously through me. At least it means that you won't have to go through what I do, plus I get all the kicks.
But I feel like I've been shaping up. I feel clean. Frankly, I don't like that. Problem is, I can't afford to be problematic. I don't like that either.
I miss it. But I'm also afraid of losing certain things that I've worked pretty hard to get.
Does that make me a coward or a hero?
Nov 1, 2008
Spring keeps you ever close, you are second hand smoke
You are so fragile and thin standing trial for your sins
Holding on to yourself the best you can
I wish you'd just leave. For good, anyhow.
Holding on to yourself the best you can
I wish you'd just leave. For good, anyhow.
Oct 31, 2008
I would take it all back if I could, but I won't!
I took a step back as the room was filling up and I was packed up against these people who were tossing up a strong vibe. Well, now the door's locked and the shower's on, and I realize I don't recognize anyone, but I don't mind. Well the neighbors have complained damn near every night. The neighbors have complained damn near every night.
"Should’ve shown up, should’ve shown up by now. They should have shown up by now." With a knock at the door, the knock at the door as it goes... Whoa-o-oa Whoa-o-oa.
Well now everybody's losing control. Intoxicated circulation... Just try to sit back, get my palette wet, and get me mentally prepared for the consequences and you know why: because that knock at the door calls the crowd to quiet. The neighbors have complained damn near every night.
"Should’ve shown up, should’ve shown up by now. They should have shown up by now."
"Give it a rest, give it a rest, give it a rest!"
"Should’ve shown up, should’ve shown up by now. They should have shown up by now." With a knock at the door, the knock at the door as it goes... Whoa-o-oa Whoa-o-oa Whoa-o-oa Whoa-o-oa
«There's no one left lying on the second story floorboards and I'm sure they heard next door, but the bottles are hollow now and there's room at the bottom, and I would take it all back if I could, but I won't!»
Sit back, get my palette wet, and get me mentally prepared for the consequences and you know why: because the neighbors have complained damn near every night. The neighbors have complained damn near every night.
"Should’ve shown up, should’ve shown up by now. They should have shown up by now."
"Give it a rest. Give it a rest. Give it a rest!"
"Should’ve shown up, should’ve shown up by now. They should have shown up by now." With a knock at the door, the knock at the door as it goes... Whoa-o-oa Whoa-o-oa Whoa-o-oa Whoa-o-o....
Party's on. Guest list?
"Should’ve shown up, should’ve shown up by now. They should have shown up by now." With a knock at the door, the knock at the door as it goes... Whoa-o-oa Whoa-o-oa.
Well now everybody's losing control. Intoxicated circulation... Just try to sit back, get my palette wet, and get me mentally prepared for the consequences and you know why: because that knock at the door calls the crowd to quiet. The neighbors have complained damn near every night.
"Should’ve shown up, should’ve shown up by now. They should have shown up by now."
"Give it a rest, give it a rest, give it a rest!"
"Should’ve shown up, should’ve shown up by now. They should have shown up by now." With a knock at the door, the knock at the door as it goes... Whoa-o-oa Whoa-o-oa Whoa-o-oa Whoa-o-oa
«There's no one left lying on the second story floorboards and I'm sure they heard next door, but the bottles are hollow now and there's room at the bottom, and I would take it all back if I could, but I won't!»
Sit back, get my palette wet, and get me mentally prepared for the consequences and you know why: because the neighbors have complained damn near every night. The neighbors have complained damn near every night.
"Should’ve shown up, should’ve shown up by now. They should have shown up by now."
"Give it a rest. Give it a rest. Give it a rest!"
"Should’ve shown up, should’ve shown up by now. They should have shown up by now." With a knock at the door, the knock at the door as it goes... Whoa-o-oa Whoa-o-oa Whoa-o-oa Whoa-o-o....
Party's on. Guest list?
Oct 28, 2008
Around we go, round again in circles
Play this game over again.
I'm so tired.
I know this is going to be an normal thing. It's the only time I feel like I really belong anywhere. And I know I have no right to pass judgment, but sometimes I can't help it.
I took your advice and moved a lot of my stuff to my dad's. Half of my clothes are there and my room is starting to feel a little more like mine. By no means do I feel like I live there yet, but it's a start.
I really need a tomorrow. Where I can just enjoy myself, and him. I'm getting so stressed out. It really shows. I'm tired, I can't concentrate, I'm just not all the way there sometimes. For god's sake, I missed him in the hallway about 3 times today when he was right near me.
I got a new TV. It actually has cable! For the first time in many months, I can actually watch TV. It feels really nice, but I haven't had much time to get acquainted with it. I also don't have a remote for it, but with the layout of my room, it's not unbearable. Besides, I can afford to manually change channels if I have to.
Speaking of which, I changed my room so that I basically have a really big desk in the corner. The main part was actually the top of a corner computer desk that would surround the monitor, but it was kind of bulky so I figured I could use it. Then, I paired the other two desks I have (one of which is an end table, and the other, an old unused cabinet) on the side of it, essentially extending it about 2 feet on either side. I put that in the south west corner and put my bed horizontal to the east wall and as close to my mirror as possible. The left over desk (which is actually a desk), I kept in the same spot, just turned it 90º and moved it over a foot and a half. It basically leaves me with a giant empty space on the floor in the middle of my room. It looks a whole lot better now, and it's a little more convenient to get into. Plus, now I have lots of shelves to keep my shit (and I have LOTS of that).
By the way, my sister is becoming an emo kid now. I just found a picture she left at the computer desk of a girl hanging in a closet with the word "solution?" underneath. The girl basically looks like the ones that I draw, with the long white dress and long straight hair; kind of minimalistic. On the back is this really emo poem, although it was cut out of a larger part, so I only get about half the words. But even from the half I have, I can tell that it's really, really, stupid and depressing. I know she's a die-hard fad-follower, but seriously, this just gets on my last nerve.
Plus, the other day when I needed to straighten my hair, I had to use MY hair straightener that I let her borrow, instead of having my dad waste money on another one for her, and she yelled at me for taking it. I'm like, "It's mine. I can use it whenever the fuck I feel like. I'm allowing you to borrow it when you need it. That doesn't make it yours."
"I know!"
"So shut the fuck up then."
That also happened when I wanted to take a bath. I was planning on doing it before I went to bed. Well, she came home and had that same thought, but Lindy was over, so she said she wasn't going to. Obviously, I took advantage of that. I started the water and let it fill up some and got in. Next thing I know, she's knocking on the door yelling at me to let her in.
"I'm in the FUCKING BATHTUB. WHAT THE HELL could you possibly need to do NOW?!"
"LET ME IN!"
"NO. I'M IN THE BATHTUB. WAIT."
"NO! LET ME IN!"
"Fine, whatever. Get your shit and get the fuck out." So, she unlocks the door with the key and comes in. Well, she takes out a brush and starts brushing her hair.
"YOU FORCED YOUR WAY INTO THE BATHROOM WHILE I'M NAKED, TAKING A BATH, SO THAT YOU COULD STAND IN FRONT OF THIS SPECIFIC MIRROR AND BRUSH YOUR HAIR AT 11 O'CLOCK AT NIGHT? SERIOUSLY? GET THE FUCK OUT."
"No. I'm busy."
"NO, YOU'RE NOT. LEAVE."
"I can be here if I want, and I need to take a bath after you're done."
"I could care less if you need to take one when I'm done, but clearly I'm not. GET OUT."
"I don't have to."
"GET OUT OR I'LL REMOVE MY TOWEL."
It was completely ridiculous and I had to call my dad for the first time in years to actually physically remove her from the bathroom. All because she was mad that I was taking a bath first.
When I came out of the bathroom, it was a good thing that she didn't talk to me, because if even one word had come out of her mouth about me, she would have been on the floor bleeding. She's the least of my problems, and I really don't need to deal with her.
*sigh*
Money, money, money. Let's face it. I need it. I don't have enough; you never really do. Everything is just so complicated lately, and it's so frustrating sometimes. It's really hard to feel sympathy for one parent's money problems, because the second I leave, I have to worry about the other's. When I'm at my dad's house, there's no problem taking money from my mom, but once I'm there, there's no problem taking money from my dad. It's just really hard to concentrate on both of them, and I know it's not helping any. It shouldn't be this way. I shouldn't have to deal with this.
It's so overwhelming sometimes. I feel like I have to take care of everything. And worst of all, when I try to give money to my dad to help make essential mortgage payments, he refuses to take it, because he refuses to be considered charity. But he is, and he really needs it. His damn pride gets in the way. He tells me that I shouldn't have to pay the bills, that it's his job as the dad. But I don't understand how he can think that I would just sit by and watch our ship go down.
C'est la vie, non? Qu'est-ce Que tu peux faire?
Does anyone have a copy of Invisible Monsters that I can borrow for a week?
I'm so tired.
I know this is going to be an normal thing. It's the only time I feel like I really belong anywhere. And I know I have no right to pass judgment, but sometimes I can't help it.
I took your advice and moved a lot of my stuff to my dad's. Half of my clothes are there and my room is starting to feel a little more like mine. By no means do I feel like I live there yet, but it's a start.
I really need a tomorrow. Where I can just enjoy myself, and him. I'm getting so stressed out. It really shows. I'm tired, I can't concentrate, I'm just not all the way there sometimes. For god's sake, I missed him in the hallway about 3 times today when he was right near me.
I got a new TV. It actually has cable! For the first time in many months, I can actually watch TV. It feels really nice, but I haven't had much time to get acquainted with it. I also don't have a remote for it, but with the layout of my room, it's not unbearable. Besides, I can afford to manually change channels if I have to.
Speaking of which, I changed my room so that I basically have a really big desk in the corner. The main part was actually the top of a corner computer desk that would surround the monitor, but it was kind of bulky so I figured I could use it. Then, I paired the other two desks I have (one of which is an end table, and the other, an old unused cabinet) on the side of it, essentially extending it about 2 feet on either side. I put that in the south west corner and put my bed horizontal to the east wall and as close to my mirror as possible. The left over desk (which is actually a desk), I kept in the same spot, just turned it 90º and moved it over a foot and a half. It basically leaves me with a giant empty space on the floor in the middle of my room. It looks a whole lot better now, and it's a little more convenient to get into. Plus, now I have lots of shelves to keep my shit (and I have LOTS of that).
By the way, my sister is becoming an emo kid now. I just found a picture she left at the computer desk of a girl hanging in a closet with the word "solution?" underneath. The girl basically looks like the ones that I draw, with the long white dress and long straight hair; kind of minimalistic. On the back is this really emo poem, although it was cut out of a larger part, so I only get about half the words. But even from the half I have, I can tell that it's really, really, stupid and depressing. I know she's a die-hard fad-follower, but seriously, this just gets on my last nerve.
Plus, the other day when I needed to straighten my hair, I had to use MY hair straightener that I let her borrow, instead of having my dad waste money on another one for her, and she yelled at me for taking it. I'm like, "It's mine. I can use it whenever the fuck I feel like. I'm allowing you to borrow it when you need it. That doesn't make it yours."
"I know!"
"So shut the fuck up then."
That also happened when I wanted to take a bath. I was planning on doing it before I went to bed. Well, she came home and had that same thought, but Lindy was over, so she said she wasn't going to. Obviously, I took advantage of that. I started the water and let it fill up some and got in. Next thing I know, she's knocking on the door yelling at me to let her in.
"I'm in the FUCKING BATHTUB. WHAT THE HELL could you possibly need to do NOW?!"
"LET ME IN!"
"NO. I'M IN THE BATHTUB. WAIT."
"NO! LET ME IN!"
"Fine, whatever. Get your shit and get the fuck out." So, she unlocks the door with the key and comes in. Well, she takes out a brush and starts brushing her hair.
"YOU FORCED YOUR WAY INTO THE BATHROOM WHILE I'M NAKED, TAKING A BATH, SO THAT YOU COULD STAND IN FRONT OF THIS SPECIFIC MIRROR AND BRUSH YOUR HAIR AT 11 O'CLOCK AT NIGHT? SERIOUSLY? GET THE FUCK OUT."
"No. I'm busy."
"NO, YOU'RE NOT. LEAVE."
"I can be here if I want, and I need to take a bath after you're done."
"I could care less if you need to take one when I'm done, but clearly I'm not. GET OUT."
"I don't have to."
"GET OUT OR I'LL REMOVE MY TOWEL."
It was completely ridiculous and I had to call my dad for the first time in years to actually physically remove her from the bathroom. All because she was mad that I was taking a bath first.
When I came out of the bathroom, it was a good thing that she didn't talk to me, because if even one word had come out of her mouth about me, she would have been on the floor bleeding. She's the least of my problems, and I really don't need to deal with her.
*sigh*
Money, money, money. Let's face it. I need it. I don't have enough; you never really do. Everything is just so complicated lately, and it's so frustrating sometimes. It's really hard to feel sympathy for one parent's money problems, because the second I leave, I have to worry about the other's. When I'm at my dad's house, there's no problem taking money from my mom, but once I'm there, there's no problem taking money from my dad. It's just really hard to concentrate on both of them, and I know it's not helping any. It shouldn't be this way. I shouldn't have to deal with this.
It's so overwhelming sometimes. I feel like I have to take care of everything. And worst of all, when I try to give money to my dad to help make essential mortgage payments, he refuses to take it, because he refuses to be considered charity. But he is, and he really needs it. His damn pride gets in the way. He tells me that I shouldn't have to pay the bills, that it's his job as the dad. But I don't understand how he can think that I would just sit by and watch our ship go down.
C'est la vie, non? Qu'est-ce Que tu peux faire?
Does anyone have a copy of Invisible Monsters that I can borrow for a week?
Oct 26, 2008
At the late night, double feature, picture show
I hate the feeling when you have a song in mind, but can only remember scant few words of it but no tune, so that there's no way of figuring out what it is, and the words remind you of other songs, so you get those stuck in your head and it's even more difficult to remember the song that you really want. Because that's happening right now. All I can remember from the song is a sentence that ends with "...I didn't like that."
I burned my finger on a toaster oven. I'm really hungry. Probably haven't eaten in about 18 hours.
I've been misspelling words a lot, but not really misspelling them, more like mistyping them. It's like my brain and my fingers have lost a connection somehow. I know what I want to type, but that's not the words that come out. They'll be real words, just not the ones that I need.
I've decided recently that I don't care anymore. I'm going to do what makes me happy, regardless of what anyone else wants me to. Well, except for Carl. I still care about what he thinks, and he already puts up with a lot of crazy things from me.
I'm at peace right now. I'm happy, but not overly so, and I'm not sad or angry really. Sort of frustrated at certain things, but not really angry. I hope it stays this way because even I'm tired of that roller coaster.
The show was great, but I have a sneaking suspicion that something was up with Chelsea, which I'm sure I'll find out about later. She's got a lot of homework to do tomorrow, so I don't expect to hear from her right away though. My forehead is still red, and I have an abundant lack of objects from the upper torso area (a joke that only two of you will get, and you won't get it in the same way), and a bag of rice that I went through the process of sneaking in and never using.
I miss you.
I burned my finger on a toaster oven. I'm really hungry. Probably haven't eaten in about 18 hours.
I've been misspelling words a lot, but not really misspelling them, more like mistyping them. It's like my brain and my fingers have lost a connection somehow. I know what I want to type, but that's not the words that come out. They'll be real words, just not the ones that I need.
I've decided recently that I don't care anymore. I'm going to do what makes me happy, regardless of what anyone else wants me to. Well, except for Carl. I still care about what he thinks, and he already puts up with a lot of crazy things from me.
I'm at peace right now. I'm happy, but not overly so, and I'm not sad or angry really. Sort of frustrated at certain things, but not really angry. I hope it stays this way because even I'm tired of that roller coaster.
The show was great, but I have a sneaking suspicion that something was up with Chelsea, which I'm sure I'll find out about later. She's got a lot of homework to do tomorrow, so I don't expect to hear from her right away though. My forehead is still red, and I have an abundant lack of objects from the upper torso area (a joke that only two of you will get, and you won't get it in the same way), and a bag of rice that I went through the process of sneaking in and never using.
I miss you.
Oct 23, 2008
Do anything and I'll love ya.
Nicole brought up marriage. It's been making itself present lately. I told her that we've never talked about it. She thought I was kidding.
But it makes sense. In retrospect, 14 months and 4 days isn't when you think about getting married. It takes years and years of being together and living with each other constantly before even thinking about it. And plus it takes WORK. You have to be able to handle that, because you can't solve everything with divorce or plastic surgery. The thing I always tell Carl is: Give and Take. You have to be able to compromise, and you can't let pride get in the way. There's a reason it's one of the 7 deadly sins. Pride may make you a war hero, but it doesn't bring a father home.
Along with that, you have to have forgiveness. You will never get anywhere if you don't forgive. You can't hold every mistake and flaw above their heads and expect things to end well. I try my best with this, and some of you know that, but some of you also know that I'm not nearly mature enough to handle everything, and sometimes I get really upset. Granted, you need to know when to take a stand for yourself, but otherwise, let it go. A lot of things are completely trivial. They won't matter ten years from now; Hell, they probably won't even matter a few months from now.
But there's one more roadblock. As much as I don't think about it (which I try never to do), there is the fact that we may not be together all the way through high school and on to the rest of our lives. The fact is, high school relationships are usually very fickle and come and go, and it's entirely possible this flame might go out. Plus, we don't even have a clue as to what we're actually going to do once we get out of high school. What's the point of racing toward marriage if you haven't even gotten out of the gates yet? I mean, there's not a chance in my mind that it's going to end, because I won't give up that easily, but no one knows what the future holds. I'm not going to get my hopes up just so that they can crash even harder when he's gone.
All in all, I don't see the point in it. So why should we have even thought about marriage? We're 15. We've got our whole lives ahead of us to work these things out. There's always time, and let's face it, this isn't the time to do it. Not that I don't feel happy for those who have it in their heads that they'll get married; it's a strong possibility you might, but I'm not going to rush into it, and I shouldn't have to.
But it makes sense. In retrospect, 14 months and 4 days isn't when you think about getting married. It takes years and years of being together and living with each other constantly before even thinking about it. And plus it takes WORK. You have to be able to handle that, because you can't solve everything with divorce or plastic surgery. The thing I always tell Carl is: Give and Take. You have to be able to compromise, and you can't let pride get in the way. There's a reason it's one of the 7 deadly sins. Pride may make you a war hero, but it doesn't bring a father home.
Along with that, you have to have forgiveness. You will never get anywhere if you don't forgive. You can't hold every mistake and flaw above their heads and expect things to end well. I try my best with this, and some of you know that, but some of you also know that I'm not nearly mature enough to handle everything, and sometimes I get really upset. Granted, you need to know when to take a stand for yourself, but otherwise, let it go. A lot of things are completely trivial. They won't matter ten years from now; Hell, they probably won't even matter a few months from now.
But there's one more roadblock. As much as I don't think about it (which I try never to do), there is the fact that we may not be together all the way through high school and on to the rest of our lives. The fact is, high school relationships are usually very fickle and come and go, and it's entirely possible this flame might go out. Plus, we don't even have a clue as to what we're actually going to do once we get out of high school. What's the point of racing toward marriage if you haven't even gotten out of the gates yet? I mean, there's not a chance in my mind that it's going to end, because I won't give up that easily, but no one knows what the future holds. I'm not going to get my hopes up just so that they can crash even harder when he's gone.
All in all, I don't see the point in it. So why should we have even thought about marriage? We're 15. We've got our whole lives ahead of us to work these things out. There's always time, and let's face it, this isn't the time to do it. Not that I don't feel happy for those who have it in their heads that they'll get married; it's a strong possibility you might, but I'm not going to rush into it, and I shouldn't have to.
Oct 21, 2008
And if I don't make it, know that I loved you all along
I'm tired of arguing.
I love you. A lot. You will never lose me. I could never leave you. Don't even think about it OK? Because it won't ever happen.
I love you. A lot. You will never lose me. I could never leave you. Don't even think about it OK? Because it won't ever happen.
Oct 18, 2008
By then you'd like to do with out, there's nothing new to talk about
And though our kids are blessed, their parents let them shoulder all the blame.
Oct 15, 2008
Le taudis qu'on appelle maison.
You may not know what happened. It's not that important.
We got caught. It happens. Things aren't bad. They've been much worse. They're just ill at ease right now. Somewhat mistrusting. It'll blow over. Until then, I get weekends with him unless he or I am invited to go somewhere with the other.
I've been stockpiling money. I plan on enjoying myself for once. I'm tired of people calling and asking and I'm tired of saying no. I need this. I want this. This is for me. And perhaps for some other people; depending. I have $30. It's not much, but considering I've gotten it all within 5 days, it's a decent amount. Although I know there are plenty of people I know who dwarf that in a single day. I don't really care that much. I'm proud of my petty thievery; be it as it may, thievery.
I've taken a sudden interest in Requiem for a Dream. Haven't actually seen it, but I plan on it. Next time anyway. Then I have to find π. It might be the thought of Jared Leto, it may be the entire plot, its fame, or just the fact that Placebo wrote a song for it that I happen to love immensely.
I'm very tired, have a lack of clothing, and tons of web-surfing/catching up to do. Salut, bonsoir.
We got caught. It happens. Things aren't bad. They've been much worse. They're just ill at ease right now. Somewhat mistrusting. It'll blow over. Until then, I get weekends with him unless he or I am invited to go somewhere with the other.
I've been stockpiling money. I plan on enjoying myself for once. I'm tired of people calling and asking and I'm tired of saying no. I need this. I want this. This is for me. And perhaps for some other people; depending. I have $30. It's not much, but considering I've gotten it all within 5 days, it's a decent amount. Although I know there are plenty of people I know who dwarf that in a single day. I don't really care that much. I'm proud of my petty thievery; be it as it may, thievery.
I've taken a sudden interest in Requiem for a Dream. Haven't actually seen it, but I plan on it. Next time anyway. Then I have to find π. It might be the thought of Jared Leto, it may be the entire plot, its fame, or just the fact that Placebo wrote a song for it that I happen to love immensely.
I'm very tired, have a lack of clothing, and tons of web-surfing/catching up to do. Salut, bonsoir.
Oct 10, 2008
I don't want to come back down from this cloud.
There is nothing that can bring me down today.
I'm over the moon and among the stars now, and you can't fall in space.
I'm over the moon and among the stars now, and you can't fall in space.
Oct 4, 2008
Everything we had is no longer there
Due to some unfortunate circumstances, I will be virtually never at my dad's house, therefore, virtually never online. Except after school on Fridays, or special occasions when I need to use the computer for homework.
I'm not in trouble. My Dad is. That is all that you need to know.
By the way, the rule of the house is that no one is allowed to tell my grandma xD
Anyway, making good use of the time I have here, I'll tell you about what I did.
Went to Frankenmuth, took a ferry ride, walked around the gift shops, bought fudge, took pictures, went to the museum, stole. A lot. I paid for nothing that I brought home except for the fudge and the stuff from Bronner's.
Do you want to know how much I stole? I took a hinged panel from the museum.
Tomorrow I'm going to a talk for three hours with Carl and his family. I hope things aren't awkward. Then again, I don't think it can get anymore awkward than last night when I learned some things about Gary.
A bientôt. Hopefully.
I'm not in trouble. My Dad is. That is all that you need to know.
By the way, the rule of the house is that no one is allowed to tell my grandma xD
Anyway, making good use of the time I have here, I'll tell you about what I did.
Went to Frankenmuth, took a ferry ride, walked around the gift shops, bought fudge, took pictures, went to the museum, stole. A lot. I paid for nothing that I brought home except for the fudge and the stuff from Bronner's.
Do you want to know how much I stole? I took a hinged panel from the museum.
Tomorrow I'm going to a talk for three hours with Carl and his family. I hope things aren't awkward. Then again, I don't think it can get anymore awkward than last night when I learned some things about Gary.
A bientôt. Hopefully.
Oct 2, 2008
Now I'm stuck on rewind
I'm sorry.
What do you want of me? Tell me where the line lies.
I don't want to be like this anymore.
By the way, what was with your dad in the car? He was awfully quiet. Then again, I talked a lot more than usual. Sorry about that too. And thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you for the 7th time. I didn't forget.
I figured out how to finish my homework. Simple conversion is all.
Scale of 1-10?
because I'm a 6.
What do you want of me? Tell me where the line lies.
I don't want to be like this anymore.
By the way, what was with your dad in the car? He was awfully quiet. Then again, I talked a lot more than usual. Sorry about that too. And thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you for the 7th time. I didn't forget.
I figured out how to finish my homework. Simple conversion is all.
Scale of 1-10?
because I'm a 6.
Oct 1, 2008
Said it's cold in this town, and there's snow on the ground. Far from home, not alone, I've left you with nothing and that's what you owe.
I bought new shoes. They're white converse. They will not be white tomorrow. You all will help me with that.
Liz: It was Chelsea. In the car. Saying goodbye.
*sigh* I made you feel happier, but I just made myself more frustrated. It's not you, I swear it. It's me. I'm frustrated because I can't seem to grasp the light board. I mean, sure I've gotten a lot of it down, but when it comes to you calling out cues, I just freeze up and I can't comprehend what you're saying. The words just go in one ear and out the other and my brain is left behind trying to make sense of it all. And looking at all of those toggles and dimmers just overwhelms me. Plus, it doesn't help when I make stupid little mistakes and so nothing I do turns out right.
It's not even really the light board. I mean, a lot of it does have to do with the light board, but math too, and chemistry. I just can't seem to process what I'm doing anymore and it's only been a month of school. My memory is lapsing and I keep forgetting little things and making little mistakes, but they just keep adding up. I'll remember to bring home my stuff for one subject that I finished my homework in, and forget the stuff for the subject that I actually have to do.
It's just hard to feel like I'm doing anything right anymore.
And the other thing is the fact that I don't like when I don't know things; I've told you this before. I don't like it when I feel inferior to everyone else. I don't like it when I feel like I'm not on the same page, like I'm being left behind, and that's how I'm starting to feel now. I feel weak.
I need a few days off to recuperate, but losing time isn't going to help me any.
I can't handle this. You said I need to learn to ask for help, so I will.
Help me.
Liz: It was Chelsea. In the car. Saying goodbye.
*sigh* I made you feel happier, but I just made myself more frustrated. It's not you, I swear it. It's me. I'm frustrated because I can't seem to grasp the light board. I mean, sure I've gotten a lot of it down, but when it comes to you calling out cues, I just freeze up and I can't comprehend what you're saying. The words just go in one ear and out the other and my brain is left behind trying to make sense of it all. And looking at all of those toggles and dimmers just overwhelms me. Plus, it doesn't help when I make stupid little mistakes and so nothing I do turns out right.
It's not even really the light board. I mean, a lot of it does have to do with the light board, but math too, and chemistry. I just can't seem to process what I'm doing anymore and it's only been a month of school. My memory is lapsing and I keep forgetting little things and making little mistakes, but they just keep adding up. I'll remember to bring home my stuff for one subject that I finished my homework in, and forget the stuff for the subject that I actually have to do.
It's just hard to feel like I'm doing anything right anymore.
And the other thing is the fact that I don't like when I don't know things; I've told you this before. I don't like it when I feel inferior to everyone else. I don't like it when I feel like I'm not on the same page, like I'm being left behind, and that's how I'm starting to feel now. I feel weak.
I need a few days off to recuperate, but losing time isn't going to help me any.
I can't handle this. You said I need to learn to ask for help, so I will.
Help me.
Sep 30, 2008
I've spent ten years singing gravity away, but the water keeps on falling from the sky.
I'm not sure why it always goes downhill;
Why broken cisterns never could stay filled.
I've spent ten years singing gravity away,
But the water keeps on falling from the sky.
And here tonight while the stars are blacking out,
With every hope and dream I've ever had in doubt.
I've spent ten years trying to sing these doubts away,
But the water keeps on falling from my eyes.
And heaven knows, heaven knows,
I tried to find a cure for the pain.
Oh my lord! to suffer like you do,
It would be a lie to run away.
So blood is fire pulsing through our veins.
We're either riders or fools behind the reigns.
I've spent ten years trying to sing it all away,
But the water keeps on falling from my tries.
I hope I never have to feel that lonely ever again.
I came home. No one was there. 4 hours in a dark house, alone. It was just so empty, you know? I ended up bawling my eyes out and screaming into my sleeve. I haven't cried like that since I was little.
The rain pouring down outside, the lights off, no sounds save my sobs.
And worse off now; I can't do my English homework because the upgraded Microsoft Word on the school computers uses a different document format that my Word doesn't recognize so that I am sufficiently able to do nothing with it. There are no Es for effort when I can't put any in.
In order to feel like I accomplished something today, that would involve doing the only other homework I had, which was math, but because it wasn't due tomorrow and I figured I could do it then, I didn't bring it home.
Plus, I got Carl grounded for bringing him home 5 minutes late (mind you, for the first time in many, many months). He said it wasn't a big deal and that it won't last, but I still feel bad.
He said that I'm picking up a lot of his habits, but it's nice to see how much I have influenced him as well. It seems my laid back attitude is rubbing off on him. He would never have been this cool about being grounded a year ago.
Courez, courez, courez aussi vite que possible, mais vous ne pouvez pas courez, courez, courez des mains du Childcatcher.
Why broken cisterns never could stay filled.
I've spent ten years singing gravity away,
But the water keeps on falling from the sky.
And here tonight while the stars are blacking out,
With every hope and dream I've ever had in doubt.
I've spent ten years trying to sing these doubts away,
But the water keeps on falling from my eyes.
And heaven knows, heaven knows,
I tried to find a cure for the pain.
Oh my lord! to suffer like you do,
It would be a lie to run away.
So blood is fire pulsing through our veins.
We're either riders or fools behind the reigns.
I've spent ten years trying to sing it all away,
But the water keeps on falling from my tries.
I hope I never have to feel that lonely ever again.
I came home. No one was there. 4 hours in a dark house, alone. It was just so empty, you know? I ended up bawling my eyes out and screaming into my sleeve. I haven't cried like that since I was little.
The rain pouring down outside, the lights off, no sounds save my sobs.
And worse off now; I can't do my English homework because the upgraded Microsoft Word on the school computers uses a different document format that my Word doesn't recognize so that I am sufficiently able to do nothing with it. There are no Es for effort when I can't put any in.
In order to feel like I accomplished something today, that would involve doing the only other homework I had, which was math, but because it wasn't due tomorrow and I figured I could do it then, I didn't bring it home.
Plus, I got Carl grounded for bringing him home 5 minutes late (mind you, for the first time in many, many months). He said it wasn't a big deal and that it won't last, but I still feel bad.
He said that I'm picking up a lot of his habits, but it's nice to see how much I have influenced him as well. It seems my laid back attitude is rubbing off on him. He would never have been this cool about being grounded a year ago.
Courez, courez, courez aussi vite que possible, mais vous ne pouvez pas courez, courez, courez des mains du Childcatcher.
Sep 28, 2008
Sep 27, 2008
I gave up EVERYTHING for fame
Dear Future,
I bought you. I own the right to let go, destroy you.
This is my life.
My hair is greenish-blue. As expected.
I'm excited!
I bought you. I own the right to let go, destroy you.
This is my life.
My hair is greenish-blue. As expected.
I'm excited!
Sep 24, 2008
Daydreaming, I dream of you amid the flowers, for a couple of hours. Such a beautiful day
I dream a dirty dream of ya baby
you're crawling on the bathroom floor,
you float around the room and you're naked,
then you're flying out the bedroom door,
I dream a dirty dream
I dream a dirty dream
I dream a dirty dream of you baby
you're swingin' from the chandelier
I'm climbing up the walls 'cos I want ya
but when I reach ya, you disappear,
I dream a dirty dream
I dream a dirty dream
It took a while to walk home (from Carl's house, not school). It seemed longer than it really was. I came home and took a nap.
You should have come over instead.
you're crawling on the bathroom floor,
you float around the room and you're naked,
then you're flying out the bedroom door,
I dream a dirty dream
I dream a dirty dream
I dream a dirty dream of you baby
you're swingin' from the chandelier
I'm climbing up the walls 'cos I want ya
but when I reach ya, you disappear,
I dream a dirty dream
I dream a dirty dream
It took a while to walk home (from Carl's house, not school). It seemed longer than it really was. I came home and took a nap.
You should have come over instead.
Sep 22, 2008
I fly like paper, get high like planes
As much as some of you don't really want to hear it, today was the best day ever. I don't quite know why, but for some reason I've been happier today than I have been in a long, long time. And I really needed that. A day where things just went right for once.
I felt needed, I felt loved, I felt free, I felt great. I want to see how long this lasts, but I know it won't be forever.
Please, just leave me to the sublime right now; while it exists. Heroes is on.
I felt needed, I felt loved, I felt free, I felt great. I want to see how long this lasts, but I know it won't be forever.
Please, just leave me to the sublime right now; while it exists. Heroes is on.
Sep 21, 2008
So take a step back, and a breath in, let it out now, put your chin up,
You can do it, Tiger, you a man now.
This is what you wanted right?
Enough.
How many nights were spent pouring out your guts, dummy?
Enough.
How many punishments endured for fucking up in school?
Enough.
How many teachers proved wrong by writing songs instead?
Enough.
My point exactly.
This is what you wanted right?
Enough.
How many nights were spent pouring out your guts, dummy?
Enough.
How many punishments endured for fucking up in school?
Enough.
How many teachers proved wrong by writing songs instead?
Enough.
My point exactly.
Sep 19, 2008
And after all this time that you still owe, another dollar's just another blow
Believe me when I tell you that it's OK. Don't hate yourself for letting me down. Like I said, I'm going to be disappointed sometimes. The world doesn't revolve around me. Of course I'm going to feel disheartened, but it's alright. Shit happens. But I still love you. And I know I've disappointed you plenty of times before. But you still love me. And we still go on. Don't ever think that I won't forgive you for something. You have no idea how hard it is to be mad at you for even a second. I feel guilty even thinking about it. When you smile, my entire world brightens, I forget anything that ever troubled me, and I get lost in your eyes. When I look at you, my heart softens, and I get lost in happy thoughts. And I can't think of you without cracking a smile and sighing to myself for all of the things I love about you.
So please, just smile for me; and enjoy these last five minutes.
So please, just smile for me; and enjoy these last five minutes.
Sep 16, 2008
I never thought they'd get me here.
But does anyone notice? But does anyone care? And if I had the guts, to put this to your head... And would anything matter if you're already dead? And now should I be shocked by the last thing you said? Before I pull this trigger, your eyes vacant and stained... And in saying you love me, made things harder at best, and these words changing nothing, as your body remains. And there's no room in this hell, there's no room in the next, and our memories defeat us. And I'll end this direst.
The. computer. cord. for. my. ipod. is. gone. and. it. was. here. last. night. before. I. left. at. 8. and. my. sister. claims. to. have. nothing. to. do. with. it. It's not a mystery. She did something with it. And now she fervently denies it. She has successfully ruined the only salvageable part of my night. >:(
I am going to beat some puppies with kittens and then set them on fire after dipping them in a river of acid full of mutant sharks with lasers, and then releasing them on said river to ride over a waterfall and land in a pile of spikes dipped in poison, whereupon discovery by a rabid beaver, their corpses shall be gnawed upon until only bones remain and then those bones will be fashioned into vibrators for Britney Spears, until she loses them in the street when she is irresponsibly caring for her children, and they shall be run over by a procession of semi-trucks carrying elephants as cargo which are then hit by atom bombs and if they survive that, will be exposed to anthrax and smallpox and start biological warfare between Japan and the US until retards in the government awaken Godzilla who destroys a volcano which commences eruption and buries the entire world in boiling lava and ash and starts a volcanic winter, thus ending whatever is left of humanity on this earth. And if for some reason, anyone survives that, the planet will be attacked by aliens who anally probe them until they start to bleed from all of their crevices and die. Then their bodies will be frozen and used as decorative vases to give to their alien mother-in-laws as cheap gifts as a way of saying, "I was forced to get you something by my wife even though I really hate your guts and are hoping that you will die soon and leave us something good to inherit."
The. computer. cord. for. my. ipod. is. gone. and. it. was. here. last. night. before. I. left. at. 8. and. my. sister. claims. to. have. nothing. to. do. with. it. It's not a mystery. She did something with it. And now she fervently denies it. She has successfully ruined the only salvageable part of my night. >:(
I am going to beat some puppies with kittens and then set them on fire after dipping them in a river of acid full of mutant sharks with lasers, and then releasing them on said river to ride over a waterfall and land in a pile of spikes dipped in poison, whereupon discovery by a rabid beaver, their corpses shall be gnawed upon until only bones remain and then those bones will be fashioned into vibrators for Britney Spears, until she loses them in the street when she is irresponsibly caring for her children, and they shall be run over by a procession of semi-trucks carrying elephants as cargo which are then hit by atom bombs and if they survive that, will be exposed to anthrax and smallpox and start biological warfare between Japan and the US until retards in the government awaken Godzilla who destroys a volcano which commences eruption and buries the entire world in boiling lava and ash and starts a volcanic winter, thus ending whatever is left of humanity on this earth. And if for some reason, anyone survives that, the planet will be attacked by aliens who anally probe them until they start to bleed from all of their crevices and die. Then their bodies will be frozen and used as decorative vases to give to their alien mother-in-laws as cheap gifts as a way of saying, "I was forced to get you something by my wife even though I really hate your guts and are hoping that you will die soon and leave us something good to inherit."
Sep 13, 2008
ATTENTION ATTENTION May I have all your eyes and ears to the front of the room
if only for one second:
Tom:
KETCHUP
xD
wats up
Me:
nothing
just bored
Tom:
bout the same here
Me:
this is the first time I've been online in a while
Tom:
lol
i noticed
Me:
the internet is boring me lately
My sister was being a bitch today and I was tired of it so I punched her
she was nice to me after that
Tom:
lol, ive been nice tomy lil bro lately, ive been takin care of him cuz hes allergic to bees and got stung like 7 times
i feel responsible
Me:
lol how?
Tom:
cuz ive taken care of him
I ACTUALLYU MADE HIM SOUP
Me:
I mean, like, how'd he get stung 7 times?
and wow. I would never have expected that from you
Tom:
oh, i have no idea, he was at football and it happened
Me:
so why do YOU feel responsible?
Tom:
cuz im taking caring of him, i dont feel responsible for it happening, i feel responsible cuz myparents r trusting me and im actually helping
Me:
Oh. that makes more sense.
Tom:
lol
no shit
Me:
So what's come over you to make you do that?
Is tom finally growing up?
Tom:
i think i mite be
Me:
*gaspofshock*
It's absurd! BLASPHEMY!
Tom:
no, omg, i passed up the chance to get into a fight the other day, and i actually told someone to lay off on making fun of this fat kid
Me:
who is this imposter?
Tom:
it is the mighty adult tom
Me:
dun dun dunnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
I never thought I would live to see that day that Tom grew up.
I guess I was wrong
Tom:
r u sad?
Me:
I... don't know!
I don't know what to make of it
It's all too much! I can't even really comprehend this
Tom:
just think of tom, same looks and all, just, not being a total asshole
Me:
I know but it's... like.. i can't even think of words to say. It really is unbelievable
I'm assuming then that you will actually have real relationships now?
and like, try in school?
Tom:
like, dating, or like, freindships?
Me:
you already have good friendships
I mean as in dating
Tom:
idk, i kinda like a chick, whos kinda dating my freind 
Me:
Uncool.
Tom: i kno...i cant help it
Me:
No, it's not your fault
how long have they been going out?
Tom:
i doubt itll ever work tho
on and foff like 4 monthes, like, she dumps him every other week
Me:
hahaha
that's funny
it can't last forever then
Maybe it'll work
Tom:
i kno, i told her that, i said, oneof these days, he'll get fed up with this emotional drama and wont come bak
AND OMG
ULL NVR BELIEVE THIS
Me:
Girls who do that stuff make me want to beat a baby.
Tom:
EVER EVRR EVER
Me:
but what?!
Tom:
I ACTUALLY TLKED A GIRL INTO KEEPING HER VIRGINITY
Me:
WOAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HOLD UP!
Tom:
OMG I KNO
Me:
REPEAT THAT AGAIN BECAUSE I DON'T THINK I HEARD THAT RIGHT
Tom:
U WANT THE MSG I SENT?
Me:
yes please
JEEZUS TOM!
Tom:
kk
Me:
You are a completely different person almost!
Tom:
EXCEPT IM STILL HOT
Me:
xD... right, about that... I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this...
jk xD
Tom:
O.O
Me:
lulz, anyway
why was this girl wanting to lose it in the first place?
Tom:
read this 1st
"but seriously...i regret losing mine as fast as i did, i did it cuz i wanted to have sex, not becuz i had fallen in love
dont waste it, u only got one and if u lose it to fast, ullmiss out on ALOT"
THATS THE EXACT MSG
Me:
:0
OMG
WOW
Tom:
OMG I KNO
Me:
That's crazy shit
Well, I'm not stoned, so I know it's not in my head
Tom:
andrea, im growing up, im not acting like a lil kid anymore, ive matured, and for the bttr, i havent gotten high in like 3 weeks
Me:
woahhh that I do not believe either
and I'm not saying it's a bad thing that you've grown up, but it's still really shocking to take it
*in
I mean, it really is a good thing. I'm actually, like, proud of you I guess.
Tom:
ty, ur the 1st to say that
Me:
Lol, I can believe THAT of all things
SHOCKER :O
Tom:
KETCHUP
xD
wats up
Me:
nothing
just bored
Tom:
bout the same here
Me:
this is the first time I've been online in a while
Tom:
lol
i noticed
Me:
the internet is boring me lately
My sister was being a bitch today and I was tired of it so I punched her
she was nice to me after that
Tom:
lol, ive been nice tomy lil bro lately, ive been takin care of him cuz hes allergic to bees and got stung like 7 times
i feel responsible
Me:
lol how?
Tom:
cuz ive taken care of him
I ACTUALLYU MADE HIM SOUP
Me:
I mean, like, how'd he get stung 7 times?
and wow. I would never have expected that from you
Tom:
oh, i have no idea, he was at football and it happened
Me:
so why do YOU feel responsible?
Tom:
cuz im taking caring of him, i dont feel responsible for it happening, i feel responsible cuz myparents r trusting me and im actually helping
Me:
Oh. that makes more sense.
Tom:
lol
no shit
Me:
So what's come over you to make you do that?
Is tom finally growing up?
Tom:
i think i mite be
Me:
*gaspofshock*
It's absurd! BLASPHEMY!
Tom:
no, omg, i passed up the chance to get into a fight the other day, and i actually told someone to lay off on making fun of this fat kid
Me:
who is this imposter?
Tom:
it is the mighty adult tom
Me:
dun dun dunnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
I never thought I would live to see that day that Tom grew up.
I guess I was wrong
Tom:
r u sad?
Me:
I... don't know!
I don't know what to make of it
It's all too much! I can't even really comprehend this
Tom:
just think of tom, same looks and all, just, not being a total asshole
Me:
I know but it's... like.. i can't even think of words to say. It really is unbelievable
I'm assuming then that you will actually have real relationships now?
and like, try in school?
Tom:
like, dating, or like, freindships?
Me:
you already have good friendships
I mean as in dating
Tom:
idk, i kinda like a chick, whos kinda dating my freind 
Me:
Uncool.
Tom: i kno...i cant help it
Me:
No, it's not your fault
how long have they been going out?
Tom:
i doubt itll ever work tho
on and foff like 4 monthes, like, she dumps him every other week
Me:
hahaha
that's funny
it can't last forever then
Maybe it'll work
Tom:
i kno, i told her that, i said, oneof these days, he'll get fed up with this emotional drama and wont come bak
AND OMG
ULL NVR BELIEVE THIS
Me:
Girls who do that stuff make me want to beat a baby.
Tom:
EVER EVRR EVER
Me:
but what?!
Tom:
I ACTUALLY TLKED A GIRL INTO KEEPING HER VIRGINITY
Me:
WOAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HOLD UP!
Tom:
OMG I KNO
Me:
REPEAT THAT AGAIN BECAUSE I DON'T THINK I HEARD THAT RIGHT
Tom:
U WANT THE MSG I SENT?
Me:
yes please
JEEZUS TOM!
Tom:
kk
Me:
You are a completely different person almost!
Tom:
EXCEPT IM STILL HOT
Me:
xD... right, about that... I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this...
jk xD
Tom:
O.O
Me:
lulz, anyway
why was this girl wanting to lose it in the first place?
Tom:
read this 1st
"but seriously...i regret losing mine as fast as i did, i did it cuz i wanted to have sex, not becuz i had fallen in love
dont waste it, u only got one and if u lose it to fast, ullmiss out on ALOT"
THATS THE EXACT MSG
Me:
:0
OMG
WOW
Tom:
OMG I KNO
Me:
That's crazy shit
Well, I'm not stoned, so I know it's not in my head
Tom:
andrea, im growing up, im not acting like a lil kid anymore, ive matured, and for the bttr, i havent gotten high in like 3 weeks
Me:
woahhh that I do not believe either
and I'm not saying it's a bad thing that you've grown up, but it's still really shocking to take it
*in
I mean, it really is a good thing. I'm actually, like, proud of you I guess.
Tom:
ty, ur the 1st to say that
Me:
Lol, I can believe THAT of all things
SHOCKER :O
No never again, no never again,
My sister wanted to get donuts because Lindy was over. So my dad asked if I wanted some too. Well, duh. Of course. All I hear out of my sister's mouth is complaining and bitching and telling me what I can and cannot do. Well, you know what? I'm fucking sick of it. She is not in charge of me. IN FACT, if anyone is in charge of anyone else, it's me. But she thinks she can strut around here and say whatever the hell she wants because my dad doesn't care and he won't do anything. Especially because over here she's allowed to say bad words because she thinks she's bad-ass because she's in 8th grade now. And worst of all, Lindy is over so she's trying to show Lindy how "powerful" she is. Which she isn't. I figured today was a good day to put her back in her place.
I got in the car and the first thing I hear is, "You can't have any." Guess who said that one? Well, I turned around ( I was in the front seat) and told her to shut the fuck up because I'm tired of her fucking mouth and her fucking attitude and thinking that she can do whatever and say whatever because she doesn't have that kind of control. She laughed it off because that's what she does so I told her that if she doesn't stop, I'm gonna beat her face in, and proceeded to raise my fist and do so.
Of course there's no damage, but I haven't heard anything from her yet and when she does say something, she's getting a mouthful of pain, whether dad likes it or not. And if I remember correctly, my mom did give me permission to beat her up if she doesn't leave me alone, and I plan to hold her to that.
He gave us two shots to the back of the head and we're all dead now.
I got in the car and the first thing I hear is, "You can't have any." Guess who said that one? Well, I turned around ( I was in the front seat) and told her to shut the fuck up because I'm tired of her fucking mouth and her fucking attitude and thinking that she can do whatever and say whatever because she doesn't have that kind of control. She laughed it off because that's what she does so I told her that if she doesn't stop, I'm gonna beat her face in, and proceeded to raise my fist and do so.
Of course there's no damage, but I haven't heard anything from her yet and when she does say something, she's getting a mouthful of pain, whether dad likes it or not. And if I remember correctly, my mom did give me permission to beat her up if she doesn't leave me alone, and I plan to hold her to that.
He gave us two shots to the back of the head and we're all dead now.
Sep 6, 2008
And in this hell where there's no hint of a spark, you're just a white coat making his mark
This brightened my day:
(by the way, I copy/pasted straight from Facebook so it starts from the bottom)
And, by the way, you should go listen to a band called A Billion Ernies because they're really cool and Indie/Screamo/Hardcore/Ska. Plus, they did a cover of Frosty the Snowman and Us by Regina Spektor.
(by the way, I copy/pasted straight from Facebook so it starts from the bottom)
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And, by the way, you should go listen to a band called A Billion Ernies because they're really cool and Indie/Screamo/Hardcore/Ska. Plus, they did a cover of Frosty the Snowman and Us by Regina Spektor.
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