I've spent ten years singing gravity away, but the water keeps on falling from the sky.

I'm not sure why it always goes downhill;
Why broken cisterns never could stay filled.
I've spent ten years singing gravity away,
But the water keeps on falling from the sky.

And here tonight while the stars are blacking out,
With every hope and dream I've ever had in doubt.
I've spent ten years trying to sing these doubts away,
But the water keeps on falling from my eyes.

And heaven knows, heaven knows,
I tried to find a cure for the pain.
Oh my lord! to suffer like you do,
It would be a lie to run away.

So blood is fire pulsing through our veins.
We're either riders or fools behind the reigns.
I've spent ten years trying to sing it all away,
But the water keeps on falling from my tries.

I hope I never have to feel that lonely ever again.
I came home. No one was there. 4 hours in a dark house, alone. It was just so empty, you know? I ended up bawling my eyes out and screaming into my sleeve. I haven't cried like that since I was little.
The rain pouring down outside, the lights off, no sounds save my sobs.

And worse off now; I can't do my English homework because the upgraded Microsoft Word on the school computers uses a different document format that my Word doesn't recognize so that I am sufficiently able to do nothing with it. There are no Es for effort when I can't put any in.

In order to feel like I accomplished something today, that would involve doing the only other homework I had, which was math, but because it wasn't due tomorrow and I figured I could do it then, I didn't bring it home.

Plus, I got Carl grounded for bringing him home 5 minutes late (mind you, for the first time in many, many months). He said it wasn't a big deal and that it won't last, but I still feel bad.
He said that I'm picking up a lot of his habits, but it's nice to see how much I have influenced him as well. It seems my laid back attitude is rubbing off on him. He would never have been this cool about being grounded a year ago.

Courez, courez, courez aussi vite que possible, mais vous ne pouvez pas courez, courez, courez des mains du Childcatcher.

"We are the monkeys"

The Truth.


Um... yeah.
Daxo



FACEBOOK COMMANDMENTS:
HERE.

I love Michael Ian Black so much:
<3

I gave up EVERYTHING for fame

Dear Future,
I bought you. I own the right to let go, destroy you.
This is my life.









My hair is greenish-blue. As expected.
I'm excited!

Daydreaming, I dream of you amid the flowers, for a couple of hours. Such a beautiful day

I dream a dirty dream of ya baby
you're crawling on the bathroom floor,
you float around the room and you're naked,
then you're flying out the bedroom door,
I dream a dirty dream
I dream a dirty dream

I dream a dirty dream of you baby
you're swingin' from the chandelier
I'm climbing up the walls 'cos I want ya
but when I reach ya, you disappear,
I dream a dirty dream
I dream a dirty dream


It took a while to walk home (from Carl's house, not school). It seemed longer than it really was. I came home and took a nap.




You should have come over instead.

I fly like paper, get high like planes

As much as some of you don't really want to hear it, today was the best day ever. I don't quite know why, but for some reason I've been happier today than I have been in a long, long time. And I really needed that. A day where things just went right for once.

I felt needed, I felt loved, I felt free, I felt great. I want to see how long this lasts, but I know it won't be forever.

Please, just leave me to the sublime right now; while it exists. Heroes is on.

So take a step back, and a breath in, let it out now, put your chin up,

You can do it, Tiger, you a man now.


This is what you wanted right?
Enough.
How many nights were spent pouring out your guts, dummy?
Enough.
How many punishments endured for fucking up in school?
Enough.
How many teachers proved wrong by writing songs instead?
Enough.

My point exactly.

And after all this time that you still owe, another dollar's just another blow

Believe me when I tell you that it's OK. Don't hate yourself for letting me down. Like I said, I'm going to be disappointed sometimes. The world doesn't revolve around me. Of course I'm going to feel disheartened, but it's alright. Shit happens. But I still love you. And I know I've disappointed you plenty of times before. But you still love me. And we still go on. Don't ever think that I won't forgive you for something. You have no idea how hard it is to be mad at you for even a second. I feel guilty even thinking about it. When you smile, my entire world brightens, I forget anything that ever troubled me, and I get lost in your eyes. When I look at you, my heart softens, and I get lost in happy thoughts. And I can't think of you without cracking a smile and sighing to myself for all of the things I love about you.

So please, just smile for me; and enjoy these last five minutes.

I never thought they'd get me here.

But does anyone notice? But does anyone care? And if I had the guts, to put this to your head... And would anything matter if you're already dead? And now should I be shocked by the last thing you said? Before I pull this trigger, your eyes vacant and stained... And in saying you love me, made things harder at best, and these words changing nothing, as your body remains. And there's no room in this hell, there's no room in the next, and our memories defeat us. And I'll end this direst.

The. computer. cord. for. my. ipod. is. gone. and. it. was. here. last. night. before. I. left. at. 8. and. my. sister. claims. to. have. nothing. to. do. with. it. It's not a mystery. She did something with it. And now she fervently denies it. She has successfully ruined the only salvageable part of my night. >:(

I am going to beat some puppies with kittens and then set them on fire after dipping them in a river of acid full of mutant sharks with lasers, and then releasing them on said river to ride over a waterfall and land in a pile of spikes dipped in poison, whereupon discovery by a rabid beaver, their corpses shall be gnawed upon until only bones remain and then those bones will be fashioned into vibrators for Britney Spears, until she loses them in the street when she is irresponsibly caring for her children, and they shall be run over by a procession of semi-trucks carrying elephants as cargo which are then hit by atom bombs and if they survive that, will be exposed to anthrax and smallpox and start biological warfare between Japan and the US until retards in the government awaken Godzilla who destroys a volcano which commences eruption and buries the entire world in boiling lava and ash and starts a volcanic winter, thus ending whatever is left of humanity on this earth. And if for some reason, anyone survives that, the planet will be attacked by aliens who anally probe them until they start to bleed from all of their crevices and die. Then their bodies will be frozen and used as decorative vases to give to their alien mother-in-laws as cheap gifts as a way of saying, "I was forced to get you something by my wife even though I really hate your guts and are hoping that you will die soon and leave us something good to inherit."

ATTENTION ATTENTION May I have all your eyes and ears to the front of the room

if only for one second:

Tom:
KETCHUP
xD
wats up
Me:
nothing
just bored
Tom:
bout the same here
Me:
this is the first time I've been online in a while
Tom:
lol
i noticed
Me:
the internet is boring me lately
My sister was being a bitch today and I was tired of it so I punched her
she was nice to me after that
Tom:
lol, ive been nice tomy lil bro lately, ive been takin care of him cuz hes allergic to bees and got stung like 7 times
i feel responsible
Me:
lol how?
Tom:
cuz ive taken care of him
I ACTUALLYU MADE HIM SOUP
Me:
I mean, like, how'd he get stung 7 times?
and wow. I would never have expected that from you
Tom:
oh, i have no idea, he was at football and it happened
Me:
so why do YOU feel responsible?
Tom:
cuz im taking caring of him, i dont feel responsible for it happening, i feel responsible cuz myparents r trusting me and im actually helping
Me:
Oh. that makes more sense.
Tom:
lol
no shit
Me:
So what's come over you to make you do that?
Is tom finally growing up?
Tom:
i think i mite be
Me:
*gaspofshock*
It's absurd! BLASPHEMY!
Tom:
no, omg, i passed up the chance to get into a fight the other day, and i actually told someone to lay off on making fun of this fat kid
Me:
who is this imposter?
Tom:
it is the mighty adult tom
Me:
dun dun dunnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
I never thought I would live to see that day that Tom grew up.
I guess I was wrong
Tom:
r u sad?
Me:
I... don't know!
I don't know what to make of it
It's all too much! I can't even really comprehend this
Tom:
just think of tom, same looks and all, just, not being a total asshole
Me:
I know but it's... like.. i can't even think of words to say. It really is unbelievable
I'm assuming then that you will actually have real relationships now?
and like, try in school?
Tom:
like, dating, or like, freindships?
Me:
you already have good friendships
I mean as in dating
Tom:
idk, i kinda like a chick, whos kinda dating my freind 
Me:
Uncool.
Tom: i kno...i cant help it
Me:
No, it's not your fault
how long have they been going out?
Tom:
i doubt itll ever work tho
on and foff like 4 monthes, like, she dumps him every other week
Me:
hahaha
that's funny
it can't last forever then
Maybe it'll work
Tom:
i kno, i told her that, i said, oneof these days, he'll get fed up with this emotional drama and wont come bak
AND OMG
ULL NVR BELIEVE THIS
Me:
Girls who do that stuff make me want to beat a baby.
Tom:
EVER EVRR EVER
Me:
but what?!
Tom:
I ACTUALLY TLKED A GIRL INTO KEEPING HER VIRGINITY
Me:
WOAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HOLD UP!
Tom:
OMG I KNO
Me:
REPEAT THAT AGAIN BECAUSE I DON'T THINK I HEARD THAT RIGHT
Tom:
U WANT THE MSG I SENT?
Me:
yes please
JEEZUS TOM!
Tom:
kk
Me:
You are a completely different person almost!
Tom:
EXCEPT IM STILL HOT
Me:
xD... right, about that... I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this...
jk xD
Tom:
O.O
Me:
lulz, anyway
why was this girl wanting to lose it in the first place?
Tom:
read this 1st

"but seriously...i regret losing mine as fast as i did, i did it cuz i wanted to have sex, not becuz i had fallen in love
dont waste it, u only got one and if u lose it to fast, ullmiss out on ALOT"

THATS THE EXACT MSG
Me:
:0
OMG
WOW
Tom:
OMG I KNO
Me:
That's crazy shit
Well, I'm not stoned, so I know it's not in my head
Tom:
andrea, im growing up, im not acting like a lil kid anymore, ive matured, and for the bttr, i havent gotten high in like 3 weeks
Me:
woahhh that I do not believe either
and I'm not saying it's a bad thing that you've grown up, but it's still really shocking to take it
*in
I mean, it really is a good thing. I'm actually, like, proud of you I guess.
Tom:
ty, ur the 1st to say that
Me:
Lol, I can believe THAT of all things



SHOCKER :O

No never again, no never again,

My sister wanted to get donuts because Lindy was over. So my dad asked if I wanted some too. Well, duh. Of course. All I hear out of my sister's mouth is complaining and bitching and telling me what I can and cannot do. Well, you know what? I'm fucking sick of it. She is not in charge of me. IN FACT, if anyone is in charge of anyone else, it's me. But she thinks she can strut around here and say whatever the hell she wants because my dad doesn't care and he won't do anything. Especially because over here she's allowed to say bad words because she thinks she's bad-ass because she's in 8th grade now. And worst of all, Lindy is over so she's trying to show Lindy how "powerful" she is. Which she isn't. I figured today was a good day to put her back in her place.

I got in the car and the first thing I hear is, "You can't have any." Guess who said that one? Well, I turned around ( I was in the front seat) and told her to shut the fuck up because I'm tired of her fucking mouth and her fucking attitude and thinking that she can do whatever and say whatever because she doesn't have that kind of control. She laughed it off because that's what she does so I told her that if she doesn't stop, I'm gonna beat her face in, and proceeded to raise my fist and do so.

Of course there's no damage, but I haven't heard anything from her yet and when she does say something, she's getting a mouthful of pain, whether dad likes it or not. And if I remember correctly, my mom did give me permission to beat her up if she doesn't leave me alone, and I plan to hold her to that.

He gave us two shots to the back of the head and we're all dead now.

And in this hell where there's no hint of a spark, you're just a white coat making his mark

This brightened my day:
(by the way, I copy/pasted straight from Facebook so it starts from the bottom)

Steve Mehrer (Central Mich.) wrote at 1:54pm ha ha ha, all good choices. Well I'm out, latah Andrea Write on Steve's Wall - Delete

Andrea Leja wrote at 1:50pm That's a good show too. I've seen maybe two episodes total, but it rocked my socks. I'm just not motivated enough to look up the episodes on youtube right now and our tv is broken and it's normally not on at night now anyways. When I stop being such a lazy bastard, I think eventually I will watch it. Or maybe when I'm high enough. Write on My Wall - Delete

Steve Mehrer (Central Mich.) wrote at 1:47pm That show is absolutely ridiculous. I prefer Lucy, The Daughter of the Devil. Write on Steve's Wall - Delete

Andrea Leja wrote at 1:32pm I guess I'll have to find it and watch it then because if you think it's the most fucked up thing you've ever seen, it must be the most fucked up thing in the world. And generally things on the Sci-Fi Channel are pretty fucking crazy. But you know what's a good show? Perfect Hair Forever. Write on My Wall - Delete

Steve Mehrer (Central Mich.) wrote at 1:28pm Wow, that's completely confusing! lol Xtro is the most fucked up thing I've ever seen at 4 in the morning on the Sci-Fi channel, which leads into it being the most fucked up thing I've ever seen ever. Write on Steve's Wall - Delete

Andrea Leja wrote at 1:25pm We were watching Space Ghost Coast to Coast on Youtube and it was the episode with Tenacious D. He told them to sing a song about his first bicycle but to leave out the part where his father beat him with it until he ran away to live in the trees and the other kids in school called him "Tree Wizard." No, I haven't but I've heard the name before. Probably from you. Write on My Wall - Delete

Steve Mehrer (Central Mich.) wrote at 1:20pm No, what the fuck does that mean? Speaking of what the fuck, have you ever seen the movie Xtro? Write on Steve's Wall - Delete

Andrea Leja wrote at 1:19pm Aww man. You're just like the other kids at school :'( Which reminds me, did Katie mention that I have become Tree Wizard? Write on My Wall - Delete

Steve Mehrer (Central Mich.) wrote at 1:17pm If you don't stop bein so poor, Andrea, I'm gonna have to start huckin rocks at you. Write on Steve's Wall - Delete

Andrea Leja wrote at 1:15pm That is good! Very good! I haven't been drinking since... a long while ago. I haven't smoked in a while either. Mostly because I have recently become so poor that it should be illegal. Write on My Wall - Delete

Steve Mehrer (Central Mich.) wrote at 1:11pm ha ha, that's awesome. I was drunk every night for like 2 weeks :D Not as impressive but hey, I love kegs! Write on Steve's Wall - Delete

Andrea Leja wrote at 1:10pm We were in Detroit flying around corners in the side streets and then we found this little expanse of dirt road with potholes and shit. We flew over that at 60 miles an hour. Needless to say, the van the other kid was driving in did not take it so well. I'm still really amazed we didn't ruin our own car. *sigh* Good times. Write on My Wall - Delete

Steve Mehrer (Central Mich.) wrote at 1:07pm You never cease to amaze me. Write on Steve's Wall - Delete

Andrea Leja wrote at 1:02pm And also, we can't steal his car because the suspension is fucked because of the car chase we led him on. Write on My Wall - Delete

Andrea Leja wrote at 1:02pm Hahaha. Good idea. Well, actually not, because he just transferred to Churchill and it would be really awkward seeing him everyday. My friend Dillon said he's up in the area all of the time and that he'd take us along to go up to Central one of these days. Conveniently, Dillon is the one who beat that other kid up. Write on My Wall - Delete

Steve Mehrer (Central Mich.) wrote at 1:00pm Well, why not beat him up again and take his car? Write on Steve's Wall - Delete

Andrea Leja wrote at 12:59pm WOW. HAHAHAHA. I pretty much did just laugh right off of my chair. Katie and I will come up to see you sometime. It's mostly just getting up there that's the problem. A little while ago, it wouldn't have been a problem because a friend of ours would have given us a ride, but the relationship with him was strained a little when I my friends beat up his best friend for stealing my money. Write on My Wall - Delete

Steve Mehrer (Central Mich.) wrote at 12:55pm ...in retrospect that sounds absolutely terrible. I meant it in the most endearing way possible while still being utterly platonic. Write on Steve's Wall - Delete

Steve Mehrer (Central Mich.) wrote at 12:55pm ha ha, I love how I randomly pop into my own house! My apartment is cool as shit! I wish you guys could come chill sometime, I haven't had my daily does of 15 year old in too long. Write on Steve's Wall - Delete

Andrea Leja wrote at 12:52pm Yes indeed it is. That's kind of what I was going for. Now every time I go outside, little kids stare at me (more than usual, anyway). How's it going? Your house isn't as much fun without you randomly popping in. Write on My Wall - Delete

Steve Mehrer (Central Mich.) wrote at 12:50pm Hey kid, thats some ridiculous hair you have there. Write on Steve's Wall - Delete

And, by the way, you should go listen to a band called A Billion Ernies because they're really cool and Indie/Screamo/Hardcore/Ska. Plus, they did a cover of Frosty the Snowman and Us by Regina Spektor.

And darkness is fading in, and darkness is real.

I just had a dream that freaked me the fuck out.


Ryan had given me a call and told me that things were cool and that we should work out the money problem, much like he did today.
Well, that night, I was driving around and it was raining and for some reason my car swerved far to the right and crashed into a wall. When I got out, I saw a shadow run across in front of me. I walked underneath this tunnel bridge that was in front of me, hoping to find Ryan and figure out what the fuck was up. When I got to the other side there was a parking lot and a gazebo next to it and it wasn't raining anymore. I see a shadow walk around a parked car as I'm walking toward the gazebo, and then Ryan comes around and has a crowbar in his hand. As he's walking though, he tosses it behind him, so that it clanks on the cement of the parking lot. I asked him what he thought he was doing and he told me that there was no way that he could just put the whole incident behind him and that he was going to kill me. So he ran at me from the other side of the gazebo and I ran into the middle of it and kicked him with the heels I was wearing. He fell down onto the steps of the gazebo and lied there for a while passed out. When he woke up though, I put my hand around his neck and held him there so that he couldn't try anything again. At that point, a little kid walked by and was watching us. Well, that little kid was the son of a cop and he brought his dad around. The officer was on the other side of the gazebo and could only see me sitting on the step, he couldn't see Ryan laying on it being choked. The cop asked me if I was OK and I sort of nodded and said, "Yes." Then he started to walk away, so I took my hand off of Ryan's neck and let him sit up next to me. Well, he tried to grab me and hit me, so I strangled him again and sarcastically yelled for help so that the cop would come back over- Which he did. The cop arrested him and was asking him questions like, "Could you get me an 8-ball?" or like, "Where'd you get your weed?" so that Ryan would give him information like that and the cop could arrest his friends. Ryan, being stoned, and the dipshit that he is, answered the questions and was taken away. And that's when I woke up.

Under the circumstances, that's already a pretty foreboding and freaky dream, but the thing is, it was so livid, I thought it was real. Now, some of you know that I don't really ever have dreams when I sleep, and it's true. I mean, I have some occasionally, but I have never had a dream from when I took a nap after school. That's the kind of sleep where I basically black out. Except, apparently, today.

When I woke up, my heart was beating so fast that I thought it might burst right through my ribcage, and I was all disoriented and practically paralyzed for a few minutes.

This isn't a good sign.

And I said, 'What about Breakfast at Tiffany's?'

Talk about awkward.
It's pretty common knowledge that my dad knows. Everything. The drugs, the sex, everything. These walls aren't too thick, you know. But last night, while Carl was over, naked in bed with me, my dad knocks on the door and leans his head in to tell me to turn my music down. Now, he didn't say anything then, and he's been in the garage all day, but I can tell you it will be really, really awkward.

Especially because Carl attempted to jump out of bed and hide, to really no avail. He just sort of flashed my dad.

I'm really wondering if my dad will say anything at all.