x amanda 182: i also ate at bdubs today
MSG
THEREFORE I AM SLEEPY BECAUSE I AM ALLERGIC TO MSG
... whore.
Except not really because you can hardly have boyfriends, how am i expected to believe that you sleep with a lot of men with or without the promise of money?
Completely unrealistic.
x amanda 182: Completely realistic!
But not really. xD
No. I lied. You lied. Everyone's a liar!
with fiery pants
x amanda 182: PANTS ON FIRE
on telephone wires.
x amanda 182: omg. that was on big comfy couch once.
they did a WHOLE SONG
I think hobos should just lie all the time
so that way their pants would be all fiery and they would stay warm in the winter.
x amanda 182: i've never met a hobo who told the truth
LAMO
I LOVE YOUR LOGIC
SO MUCH
(nevermind the first degree burns)
Laugh Ass My Off?
x amanda 182: Yes
umm. ok.
conveniently also spells LAME-O sans E
x amanda 182: lam-o
Like a llama
not as cool
x amanda 182: it would be like a grandfather llama
that's like lamb-o as if implying you like to herd sheep
x amanda 182: my last name means shepherd in arabic
i think
so that'd be legit
filthy sheep-herder.
shep-herd
x amanda 182: which is why GOATHERD is a word, too
YESSIR
YOU HAVE JUST BLOWN MY MIND TO PIECES
x amanda 182: not again!
I am completely and utterly dead now because of you.
x amanda 182: ..Fuck

Ah manderz, my dearest pal-y-o.

Let's hear it for america's suitehearts!

I must confess, I'm in love with my own sins.



I'm tired of my dad promising things that will never happen. And how it's "I'm hoping we can go grocery shopping this weekend." Certainly makes everything else seem trivial doesn't it? My sister is still pressing for a new phone. With a plan, which will cost a lot more than what we already don't have. Plus, she broke a $30 flashlight my dad needs for work and destroyed an antiQue The Wall poster. Her friend Maureen admitted she was messing around with the poster and said that she didn't know it was important. My sister said, "I thought you knew it was his." Of course Maureen would just know that kind of stuff.

And he said that Ronda is definitely leaving. For the 70th time in the last year. My uncle Kevin is supposed to be moving in; or so he asserted. Who knows where the hell he's going to sleep. And all of his shit? Don't know where that's going. (Did I mention he collects HotWheels and shops at garage sales?)

How's it gonna be when I don't care?

That was the strangest conversation with my mom ever. I asked her if she was going to pick me up because I wanted to go to the mall.
"Oh, I see. You just want me to take you to the mall is that it?"
...Yeah... I was planning on going there with Natalie and Katie and I don't have a ride.
"But they do."
...Yeah.
"Ok then, I'll have Gary come by and pick you up."



I was so confused! I didn't know if she was mad at me or what!



KICKIN BACK TO THE MALL. SEE YA.

To avoid complications, she never kept the same address

I have a shipment of salvia on it's way. About 4 grams of some nice stuff. Set me back $70, but it'll be worth it.







Also, I now know the meaning of being nailed. I think we both were bleeding.

And he has great timing. I begged him not to go, but he went. 5 minutes later, my dad showed up. I wasn't wearing clothes either. You should've seen that mad dash.

The night is alive with the promise of a street fight

I finally got that gift card. $100. $98 of it gone

I bought something for you. Something for me. And somethings for the both of us. Unfortunately HT wouldn't accept my gift card, but coupled with the one Katie got me and member's only discounts, I lowered it to about $25 and my dad payed for it on his credit card.

Christmas may have come late, but it will be spectacular this time.

It never liked to speak or run or walk or sleep or eat

There's a show about pregnant inmates on tv.

We watched an American Tail. You know, with Feival the mouse. He hadn't seen it. I'm not sure how, seeing as it's a classic and it used to be on tv all the time, but then again, he surprises me like that. We also watched Stealing Harvard but we didn't finish it.
The plan was originally to play outside in the snow all day. We decided inside the house was better, or rather, warmer.
It has also become apparent that all of my family is very accepting of what goes on between us. No one asks questions when he comes over when he's not supposed to. They ignore us when the door is closed. And they joke about it a lot. My uncle came over and said he saw my boyfriend Joe; or Billy. "Does Carl know about Joe?" Nope. Shhhh. Don't tell ;) "What about Billy?" Don't tell Joe. "You having threesomes now?" All the time. "Does Carl know about this?"
Aside from how creepy it is at the same time, it's much easier to talk to my family now.



It's been decided. My birthday is going to be Sunday Feb 15 at Marvelous Marvin's*. Don't know the time exactly. I have to finish out the guest list. It's hard to condense all of my friends down to 10 people and also make sure they get along with each other/ even know each other at all.
**It turns out that the band Tally Hall, who are quite a popular local number whom I know Katie and I listen to frequently, are named after Marvin's first museum and are also regular visitors.

When The Clouds Fall Down

When the earth is warm,
And the air is cool,
The clouds fall down to mingle
with a world normally out of touch.

They catch up with the worms and the grass,
Chat for a while with the sleepy squirrels;
But ignore the birds they say,
Those facetious birds,
Who have the best of both worlds,
Drifting along in the sky with the clouds,
And if they so choose,
Float back down again.

No. The clouds don't talk with the birds
For their jealousy is great.
They must wait until the earth is asleep and snuggled away
In its bed of rocks and blankets of dirt,
To sneak down and cozy up
With the animals and the people
That they so long to kiss,
Never knowing that the people wish to kiss them back.

For the people don't talk with the birds
For their jealousy is great.
They must create metal wings which may crash and burn
In failure,
To graze those clouds
With their fingertips,
That yearn for the cool touch of the clouds,
Never knowing that the clouds wish to touch them back.

And if the people don't talk with the birds,
And the birds don't talk with the clouds,
Then everyone must wait,
Wait for the earth to be warm,
And the air to be cool.

With the moon half empty and a sky that's gone to waste

And the twilight offers cold embrace
The amber of autumn fades and the grays
of summer's mistakes
And the dreams we try to replicate
We fall away
Isn't this world something wonderful that we were made to suffer
With it's honesty and cruelty today

With a heart half empty
And a light I've yet to see
And the sadness takes a hold of me
Fire white burns like agony, entropy
We all fall apart
To the cadence of our bleeding hearts
We fall away
Isn't this world something wonderful that we were made to suffer
With it's majesty and cruelty
We fall away
And disgrace like something beautiful that we were made to suffer
The lucent touch of clemency

We fall away
Isn't this world something wonderful that we were made to suffer
With it's majesty and cruelty
We fall away
And disgrace like something beautiful that we were made to suffer
The lucent touch of clemency
We fall away
Isn't this world something wonderful that we were made to suffer
With it's majesty and cruelty
It falls away
And our tears become a sanctuary
We all made to suffer
With tenderness and empathy
We fall away

We were made to suffer


After a failure of all things electronic around me, including but not limited to: my ipod, radio, phone, and computer, I have decided to take a break for a while. Apparently I make inanimate objects unhappy and retaliate in ways unexpected. So, goodbye sort of? For a few days anyhow.


P.S. I'm thinking of going to the MSI concert in March. It's at Clutch Cargo's and I'm not sure if it's an over-18, but if you're interested in going with me, let me know. Probably best if you call my house phone for Friday, though I may be unreachable on Saturday.

And also Suffer is a really badass song by The Echoing Green.

Choke me in the shallow water, before I get too deep

I don't know what the future holds
and I can tell you,

I am afraid.



There are moments where I feel disappointed for not being in the same classes as you guys. And there are moments where I'm very glad. But when your work carries over I sort of want to scream. Is it really all that earth shattering to start thinking about your own lives? Because honestly, it's a shock to me that you don't do this on your own.

Blunt confrontation aside, I'm rather content. We stopped arguing, which I'm thankful for, and we are supposed to have a lot of fun on Sunday. I was thinking that maybe we could go out to eat sometime? We had always promised to, and I suppose we won't have time to on Sunday. And maybe if your parents were feeling nice, we could go during the week. I could probably have you home around 7 if they wanted you.

I'm still feeling a little disappointed about light board today. I know what I'm supposed to do, but I look at the board and I just can't understand anything. I just can't stand the pressure of having to get everything perfect, and there's so much to mess up on. I really should have done it before break. Now I'm going to need at least another week or so to practice and be confident at it.

Which, by the way, thank you. For everything. I really can't tell you that enough. You have no idea what it means to me when you do what you do. You help me feel better and you can make me smile without even trying, and you don't make me feel like a failure for the first time in my life. Seriously, thank you.

I love you and I miss you, even though it's been all of an hour and a half, but you know how that goes.

our lips can touch here

I do NOT believe in god.
There is NOTHING that proves he exists.
I do NOT have any resolutions.
I am NOT interested in toastmasters.
I am COMFORTABLE with silence.
I am COMFORTABLE sitting in a car for an hour.
You are NOT funny;


synopsis of that car ride. I'm glad I can be so two-faced.
Synopsis of coming back:

*hug*
*snog*
*hug*
*smiles*
*snog*
*snog*
*hug*
*snog*
*smiles*
*grope*
*smiles*
*hug*