I comb the crowd and pick you out. My mouth moves too fast for you to figure it out.

It starts eyes closed, to fingers crossed, to "I swear," I say.

Amanda, Lizzi, don't even worry about what happened.
Liz, as much as you want to know, I know you don't, and just by hearing that you can probably assume what it was about. If you really want to know, you can press me later, but you probably wouldn't want to.

It's normal for me to start feeling bad like that. It's called 'down time.' But seriously, don't worry. I'm fine.

So, Carl is going to be gone for a week. And here's the part where you say, "Oh god, Andrea's gonna start ranting about how she's so lonely and depressed and that she misses him and blah, blah, blah." But I'm not. Sure, it will be a long time, especially for the summer. It's only been 5 days since the spree started and it already feels like it's been here forever.

Tomorrow will be hard though. Fireworks are kind of our thing, you know? I mean, after what happened last year and all. He's not going to be here this year, and it kind of puts a damper on things. The hardest part will be explaining to my dad why I don't want to come with him. I mean, it's something we've done ever year, since... forever. It's not that he'll make me go or something, or even interrogate me about it, but I feel bad for missing out.

The only thing is, what to do during the fireworks? I sure as hell am not going to go to my mom's house just to get away from them.

Put your ear to the speaker, choose love or sympathy, but never both.

Anyways, I feel bored. I guess summer has fully hit me. I can finally sleep in late because I realize that I actually don't have anywhere to go. It doesn't feel like the weekend anymore, it feels like "I am finally free to do anything and everything I've wanted to do and there really are no time constraints." Now, when I make plans, I don't focus everything around "This Saturday," or "Next weekend." It can be tomorrow, or tonight, and no one objects to it. It feels... really nice, and I'm sure I don't need to explain to you all because you're all picking up what I'm putting down.

The only problem is finding enough things to fill my time with.
Maybe I could just spend three consecutive days at someone's house? xD

To the love, I left my conscience pressed
Through the keyholes I watched you dress
Kiss and tell
Loose lips sink ships.

You know I wouldn't want it any other way

I've been a little frustrated with the fact that people haven't been updating so frequently. I mean, I just figured that with summer being here and things are winding down, that you would get bored and fill your time by writing about something.

I really can't blame you all for not updating, it's your choice whether you do or not, and it's not like your life depends on it or anything, and I'm sure the fact that I want to know what you have on your mind isn't going to sway you much. It's just that I'm sure you get frustrated with the fact that some people don't update as frequently as they used to, or rather, as you would like them to, so I'm sure you understand what I'm feeling in this. I just wish you would act upon it. You have to give to receive, and I've been giving a lot. Mostly because I enjoy writing down my thoughts and I enjoy the fact that I have an audience, but still, I give.

Now, just because I write this post about how you all never update, I don't want to see everyone having a new post. I want you to update when you feel you should, not because I tell you to, it doesn't give me much to go on if you're just apologizing. But it would be nice if you would just update more frequently. I can't expect you to be like me and update every day or every other, but maybe once a week rather than once every two or three. Or even twice a week. Just give me, everyone, something to look forward to.

I know your social lives can change drastically in one day, but we can't know what's going on if you don't tell anyone. Not that you should tell everyone everything. No one likes loose lips.
But please, at least let us know what's going on. You can't leave us in the dark.



So, keep what I've said here in mind next time. Try to write a little more. At the very least it can't hurt.

I've really been on a bender and it shows

I can't help but feel sorry for her. I know, it's not like me, and I know, I really shouldn't. After all that's happened, I can't help but to notice that she's actually hurt by this.

And, for some reason that I don't quite understand, it hurts me.


Why did things have to get so difficult?

What do you say, just you and I, south on the 5, for a couple of days?

I feel so good right now. It's unbelievable. I love this so much. I love you all so much. I love EVERYTHING. Especially Carl.

Thanks for trying/doing ;)

I miss you all. I don't see you guys enough. Soon! I will see you at the spree! GOOD GOOD.




Why the fuck am I talking to myself and answering in typing?
I think I've finally lost my mind.



Therapy on thursday. At 9:30 in the morning. What a drag.

But you guys rock. All of you. Seriously.


NATALIE: I owe you a well spent $5.

Why you're such a long face? Why you're looking down?

Fun fun day with naticat and adam.

:)

wish you were there. wish we were going to the drive-in tonight.


glad i found someone who has PROMPT service xD.
now i won't have to wait like a week.

Magpie, was it you who stole the wedding ring?

What I think is funny, is that the poem about magpies, pretty much the most famous thing EVER, is in that song.

What else I think is funny, is that they don't have the last part of that most-famous-magpie-poem-ever in there, as if they FORGOT IT.

And the last thing I think is funny (if you know the story that is) is this:

I blend with the walls so I won't be seen

$20. In one day. Damn today was fun.
If other things had happened as planned... it would have been even better.

But I suppose we can wait until the drive-in then. He said 2 maybe 3.

Monday it is!

Oh boy I'm so excited xD

"We aren't a mock-supposed to be"

I've figured it out. It's always been right there in front of my face but I was too busy complaining to see it for myself.

I'm happy.

I'm content. There is absolutely nothing wrong right now. I'm perfectly fine. Everything is good. In fact, it's so good, I have to complain just to take away the boredom and the unnatural happiness I'm feeling.

I don't care about lying to you. I don't care if you care that I have ever lied to you or will lie to you. All I wanted was to make a big deal out of something because I'm not used to having nothing wrong.

So, sorry for blowing up on you guys there. Sorry for complaining about anything. And I'm sorry you had to deal with it.



I do wish you would have walked a little bit more with me. And also answered your phone because I tried to call you nearly 4 times. I left a message though. I love you a lot. Like, A LOT. I hope you know that, but it's a hard thing to comprehend when you're not the one who is expressing it. And I don't care what you say, I am taking you on Thursday and you will spend that day with me. <3

It's not so much that I need you all to help me in becoming more truthful. It just would've been nice if I could have a little recognition from you, any of you.

I can't eat anything without shoving my hands down my throat

You know I'm a liar. I've admitted it numerous times before, and I suppose I am admitting it again now. You all have enough common sense to know when I'm not being truthful, even if I don't spell it out for you.

So it begs the question then, why have none of you responded to the previous post? Do you simply ignore me when I ask things of you? Do you only pay attention to the things I say when you want to copy my ideas? I asked little of you. I've waited one week. I figure that even those of you who don't check other people's blogs all the time would have seen it by now. And yet, not one of you humored me. Not even the people who I've obviously lied to the most.

I could lie to myself and say that maybe you haven't read my blog yet. But I know that it's not true. I know that most of you check every single day.

It leaves me baffled, and I must admit a little hurt, that when I try to be honest for once and come clean about my past and no one cares to even listen. Society as a whole is confusing, but I would have figured that my support group might actually support me. Instead, I am ignored for more trivial things.

Perhaps I am being a bit selfish. I mean, all I ever talk about is change, for better or for worse. How am I expected to believe that you sit here day to day and read the same bullshit over and over again, just rephrased? Clearly I am the one who is at fault right? Expecting someone to actually take initiative and follow my instructions is most obviously a ludicrous thing to think any of you were capable of.

There is no use to apologize. Oh, I was going to comment today, but...
Save it. I don't want to hear it. That is an even more bold-faced lie than any I've ever told you. The fact of the matter is, you didn't do it. Plain and simple. You've had plenty of time, but I suppose just not enough reason.

Anyway, thanks for reading, if any of you did. It's hard to try and be honest when no one cares. Maybe I was better off lying. My suggestions to you: don't expect me to be honest with you now.

I've sent my letters "everything's fine" but I lied

Name everything you think I've ever lied to you about. We'll see how good you are.



Or rather, how good I am.

"Wish in one hand, shit in the other. See which one fills up faster."

I wish you had more time
I wish things were better
I wish I had faith in anything
I wish I never made mistakes
I wish I had tacos
I wish I had more money
I wish I had some drugs
I wish I had more freedoms
I wish you had more freedoms
I wish I could stop thinking of all the things that won't be
I wish I could let go of things
I wish I would take advice
I wish Anna wouldn't fail Geometry
I wish the fabric of the universe was not essentially in my hands
I wish I was perfect
I wish I made them proud
I wish...

What are the odds of me letting you down?

"I want to be monumental. I want people to know my name."










-She says as she sinks back into anonymity.


I suppose it's because of 6th hour. I had a dream that I was Ghandi. Which is funny because I've missed practically the entirety of the movie.


When I was younger, my internal alarm clock was set to 5:30. I would always wake up within 5 minutes of 5:30. No more, no less.
Now it's set to 9:30. I can go to bed as late as I want. Try to wake up as early as I want. I will sleep until 9:30. Pretty much exactly.

I'm glad it's almost summer.



Are you positive I'm not going to see you for the fireworks? If not, it's okay, because we were planning on inviting you to a different festival that is after the 4th. They have better fireworks.
But it would have been nice to be with you again this year.