don't even ask
but i wont bother explaining, you won't get it anyway.
it's only an inside joke between me and kayleigh.
who, by the way, i had one of the most interesting conversations with today:
x84thx: sooo andrea how are you on this fine fine day? lost your virginity yet?
mylastmatch22: hahahah
mylastmatch22: no
mylastmatch22: im sick as a dog
mylastmatch22: which from what i heard from katie
mylastmatch22: is very bad
x84thx: me too! well I will be tomorrow
mylastmatch22: ?
mylastmatch22: you will be sick?
x84thx: yes
mylastmatch22: thats not cool
x84thx: yes no
x84thx: ...
mylastmatch22: im all confuzzled
x84thx: i make sense wooow
x84thx: like yes no its not
mylastmatch22: oh okay
mylastmatch22: that is more sensical
mylastmatch22: yeah i have like the superfast flu
mylastmatch22: in a period of one hour
mylastmatch22: first i was fine
mylastmatch22: then 10 mins later
mylastmatch22: i was puking blood in the bathroom
mylastmatch22: and that was how i spent most of the night
mylastmatch22: and in the morning
mylastmatch22: i was pretty much fine
x84thx: ok
mylastmatch22: yeah it was pretty quick
x84thx: you are way sicker than me
x84thx: lmfao
mylastmatch22: lol
x84thx: i am really hoping right now you didnt like breathe that shit on me
mylastmatch22: lmao
mylastmatch22: i havent been in close contact with you since bergers
x84thx: right
mylastmatch22: are you saying that you have been near me since a week ago?
mylastmatch22: thats kind of stalkerish
x84thx: well maybe the bug was dormant in you for a week then today it encountered some speed in you then peer pressure caused it to try the speed hence the i-am-sick-as-a-dog
x84thx: yes
x84thx: i may be implying that
mylastmatch22: lmao
mylastmatch22: kayleigh saum you never fail to make me laugh
x84thx: andrea leja you never fail to pressure your viruses into doing drugs then breathing it on me
x84thx: bitch
mylastmatch22: lol
mylastmatch22: you know what is a good movie?
mylastmatch22: bickford schmeckler's cool ideas
x84thx: just kidding I love you bff
x84thx: what?
x84thx: ooh
mylastmatch22: its a movie
x84thx: ok
mylastmatch22: and its really good
mylastmatch22: i was watching it this morning
x84thx: i will see about pirating it
mylastmatch22: you should@
mylastmatch22: !*
x84thx: if you are into romantic comedies then pirate waitress
mylastmatch22: hmm
mylastmatch22: maybe i should
x84thx: if not then just turn me down andrea
mylastmatch22: i shall not turn you down!
mylastmatch22: i should never
x84thx: but WOULD you
x84thx: dun dun dun
x84thx: well im gonna go your drug bug gave me a bitch of a headache
mylastmatch22: lmao
mylastmatch22: okay
mylastmatch22: have fun
x84thx: goodbye lofebaneja
mylastmatch22: maddekaum
x84thx: oh I will
mylastmatch22: lol
mylastmatch22: bye then
x84thx: good thing I dont throw up
mylastmatch22: hah
mylastmatch22: dont
x84thx: oh! that was my name!
mylastmatch22: lmao
mylastmatch22: wow
x84thx: you are one fantastic bitch
mylastmatch22: i am indeed
mylastmatch22: hey
mylastmatch22: do you think that squirrels like pasta?
x84thx: yes
mylastmatch22: what makes you say that/
x84thx: everyone likes pasta
mylastmatch22: lol
mylastmatch22: italians do
x84thx: especially squirrels
mylastmatch22: but i dont think that our squirrel is italian
mylastmatch22: or from an italian origin
x84thx: no
x84thx: everyone does
mylastmatch22: okay if you say so
mylastmatch22: looks like our squirrel is having pasta tonight
x84thx: i believe those are the same thing
mylastmatch22: lol
mylastmatch22: okay
x84thx: im not even gonna ask why you are saying our squirrel like you have one as a pet
mylastmatch22: well sort of
mylastmatch22: he lives in the wild and whatever, but we feed him,
mylastmatch22: so he's kind of our
x84thx: so it lives outwide
mylastmatch22: s
mylastmatch22: well yeah
x84thx: side
mylastmatch22: but we take care of it
x84thx: yes
mylastmatch22: so technically its our pet
mylastmatch22: technically
x84thx: do you really think that squirrels eat at 1am?
mylastmatch22: well no
x84thx: technically
mylastmatch22: but it will probably eat it later
mylastmatch22: like at 10
mylastmatch22: when it is of course awake
x84thx: if you ever meet anyone that doesnt like pasta tell them they are not included in the group "everyone"
mylastmatch22: lmao
mylastmatch22: okay
mylastmatch22: i will
mylastmatch22: but i dont think that i have met anyone who doesnt like pasta
x84thx: even if it does like pasta, does it like it 9 hours old?
x84thx: well I suppose I do
x84thx: still
mylastmatch22: lol
mylastmatch22: im sure squirrels arent too picky
x84thx: and on that note, I will leave
mylastmatch22: especially in the winter time
mylastmatch22: okay
x84thx: you are not sure
mylastmatch22: see you later then
Dec 28, 2007
Dec 27, 2007
"everything is awesome. fundamentally" -bickford schmeckler's epic sex poem
no. its not awesome.
i spent all night puking up blood, every 20 minutes.
i couldnt get to sleep either
i pretty much got most of my sleep, lying on the bathroom floor trying not to move.
i would shut my eyes and it would feel like i slept for hours, but when i opened them, it had only been 2 mins.
fucking sucked
so now im sore all over, my throat hurts, i can barely move, and my diet consists of soda, because i can't keep anything else down.
D:
and last night, ronda wouldnt leave me alone. everytime i puked she was right there asking if i was okay and when i told her i was she said, "no honey you're not" and so i'm like, yes i am, just let me vomit and leave me alone. she kept asking if i needed anything and kept bringing in washcloths and kept cleaning out the bucket whenever i did anything. I dont know how many times i told her to leave me alone. she just didnt get it.
she thought it was because i was a "big girl" and i wanted to do things on my own, which wasnt it at all. its just that my mom never did anything for me when i was younger. she just kind of let me be sick, and occasionally checked on me. its just all that ive ever known, and it was kind of wierd and annoying for ronda to be doting on me.
and aside from her not leaving me alone, she kept asking if i had taken anything, like drugwise, or if i had drank anything. which totally peeved me. why cant i just be sick? why do they always have to jump to the worst conclusions. im not stupid enough to do any illegal substances around them, and if i was, i've never before had a violent reaction to them anyway, well at least not like what happened last night.
bleh
i dont know how to end this post so i will just stop typ
i spent all night puking up blood, every 20 minutes.
i couldnt get to sleep either
i pretty much got most of my sleep, lying on the bathroom floor trying not to move.
i would shut my eyes and it would feel like i slept for hours, but when i opened them, it had only been 2 mins.
fucking sucked
so now im sore all over, my throat hurts, i can barely move, and my diet consists of soda, because i can't keep anything else down.
D:
and last night, ronda wouldnt leave me alone. everytime i puked she was right there asking if i was okay and when i told her i was she said, "no honey you're not" and so i'm like, yes i am, just let me vomit and leave me alone. she kept asking if i needed anything and kept bringing in washcloths and kept cleaning out the bucket whenever i did anything. I dont know how many times i told her to leave me alone. she just didnt get it.
she thought it was because i was a "big girl" and i wanted to do things on my own, which wasnt it at all. its just that my mom never did anything for me when i was younger. she just kind of let me be sick, and occasionally checked on me. its just all that ive ever known, and it was kind of wierd and annoying for ronda to be doting on me.
and aside from her not leaving me alone, she kept asking if i had taken anything, like drugwise, or if i had drank anything. which totally peeved me. why cant i just be sick? why do they always have to jump to the worst conclusions. im not stupid enough to do any illegal substances around them, and if i was, i've never before had a violent reaction to them anyway, well at least not like what happened last night.
bleh
i dont know how to end this post so i will just stop typ
Dec 24, 2007
losing half a year, waiting for you here, i'd be your anything
kenny came back today
and i hung out with him for an hour or two, i lost track of time
why does it have to be so complicated?
everytime he comes over, everytime i see him, i feel so bad because he likes me so much. he always tells me, he always says "if only you didnt have a boyfriend. why do you have to have a boyfriend? everytime i see you. you always have one" it just makes me feel bad because i like him, i always have. some people think im crazy for it, but he's really a nice guy and he's a really good friend, not to say that i would leave carl for him, because hell no i would not. i love carl so much and i couldnt ever think of being with someone else, and carl, dont ever doubt that i love you because of this, but i know that if i hadnt met carl when i did, and kenny and i were both single, it would have happened.
its just that kenny has always been such a good friend to me, and as he said, he was really the first guy, but the love i have for kenny is not even close to the love i have for carl. i love kenny like a brother, actually more like, a really good friend, but i love carl more passionately and deeply than i have ever loved someone before, and i dont know what i would ever do if i lost him. but kenny, i kind of lose him all the time. he moved to dearborn with his mom, he doesnt go to churchill, and he doesnt come around this neighborhood anymore since he doesnt live with his grandma. he's just never around. i've already sort of lost him, and it just makes it hurt that much more when he comes back. because i want to be with him, and be around him, but i feel so bad when he tells me how much he wants to be with me, how much he misses me, and i feel bad when he leaves again, because i just never know when i'm going to see him.
im just so confused right now
D:
p.s.
CARL I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND PLEASE DONT WORRY ABOUT WHAT I'VE JUST SAID IN THIS POST BECAUSE I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND I WANT TO BE WITH YOU FOREVER. I WOULD NEVER EVEN DREAM ABOUT BEING WITH SOMEONE ELSE, ESPECIALLY KENNY, BECAUSE I DONT LIKE HIM NEARLY AS MUCH AS I LOVE YOU.
and i hung out with him for an hour or two, i lost track of time
why does it have to be so complicated?
everytime he comes over, everytime i see him, i feel so bad because he likes me so much. he always tells me, he always says "if only you didnt have a boyfriend. why do you have to have a boyfriend? everytime i see you. you always have one" it just makes me feel bad because i like him, i always have. some people think im crazy for it, but he's really a nice guy and he's a really good friend, not to say that i would leave carl for him, because hell no i would not. i love carl so much and i couldnt ever think of being with someone else, and carl, dont ever doubt that i love you because of this, but i know that if i hadnt met carl when i did, and kenny and i were both single, it would have happened.
its just that kenny has always been such a good friend to me, and as he said, he was really the first guy, but the love i have for kenny is not even close to the love i have for carl. i love kenny like a brother, actually more like, a really good friend, but i love carl more passionately and deeply than i have ever loved someone before, and i dont know what i would ever do if i lost him. but kenny, i kind of lose him all the time. he moved to dearborn with his mom, he doesnt go to churchill, and he doesnt come around this neighborhood anymore since he doesnt live with his grandma. he's just never around. i've already sort of lost him, and it just makes it hurt that much more when he comes back. because i want to be with him, and be around him, but i feel so bad when he tells me how much he wants to be with me, how much he misses me, and i feel bad when he leaves again, because i just never know when i'm going to see him.
im just so confused right now
D:
p.s.
CARL I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND PLEASE DONT WORRY ABOUT WHAT I'VE JUST SAID IN THIS POST BECAUSE I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND I WANT TO BE WITH YOU FOREVER. I WOULD NEVER EVEN DREAM ABOUT BEING WITH SOMEONE ELSE, ESPECIALLY KENNY, BECAUSE I DONT LIKE HIM NEARLY AS MUCH AS I LOVE YOU.
Dec 20, 2007
it's not your fault so please stop your crying now
but it is my fault. it's all my fault, and i couldnt stop crying if i wanted to
im sorry
im so sorry
its all my fault
i didnt want it to happen
please im so sorry carl
can you forgive me?
what can i say besides im sorry?
besides i tried?
besides i failed?
its all my fault, it always is
i was supposed to call my mom last night from berger's and i forgot, which i always do, and then when i got home she was really mad. And it doesnt help that at that moment, my dad brought in the mail and got my progress report and saw how horrible i was doing. Do you want to know how i did in my classes? in four of them i am currently failing and the other two i have c's. do you know why i happen to be failing? because i dont turn in work, which is exactly why i got in trouble last time. This was my second chance and i was supposed to be turning in my homework.
damnit
im sorry
its all my fault
im sorry im a failure
im sorry that i have horrible grades, and that apparantly im not trying hard enough. do you think that i like going into my classes and seeing my teachers look at me with the "i know you can do better" face? do you think i like it when they ask me what's wrong, and why i cant do my work and i cant even answer them? do you think i like to see my grades as they slowly begin to drop? Can't you see that i am trying? im just not good enough. I just can't do it. I hate everything. I hate myself.
my mom told me that if i dont improve my grades, she'll transfer me to thurston, and i won't be allowed to see any of you again. i dont fucking think she's kidding either. i mean what would stop her from doing it? but if she did that, i would probably do worse in school, do an insane amount of drugs, get depressed and kill myself. and dont think im being overdramatic, because i know that's what will happen, im not imagining the worst. How many friends do you think i'll make there? in the middle of the year? looking the way i do? how well do you think my grades will be, when i have no friends, no motivation, and at that point, not a care in the world?
fuck
i really need to cry
really really bad
and i need carl to let me cry on his shoulder
but i cant
because its all my fault
and now im fucking grounded
i can't see anyone over break
i can't do anything
and its all my fault
its always my fault
you have no idea how much i want to die right now
i was going to kill myself last night
but i wouldnt do that to carl
i wouldnt leave him like that
i couldnt leave him like that
but im fucking dying inside
every day, every minute, every second that i have to spend in this house
in either house
with either of my parents
their disappointment, confusion, hatred
it coats the air with a heavy and sickly feeling
im fucking dying inside
rotting from the inside out
i want to die
please someone kill me
please
im fucking begging you
give me a gun
give me a knife
give me anything, i bet i can find a way to kill myself with it
i dont want to be here anymore
i want to be with carl
anywhere but here
im sorry
so sorry
i hurt myself last night
i cut my arm up
all over the place
there was blood everywhere
dripping from my arm
and in the process of getting the razor
i managed to slice my thumb pretty badly
and so that was bleeding all over as well
and it was all over my face
and my clothes
and dripping onto the floor
it was so beautiful that i never wanted it to stop
im sorry
i really am
but you would have done the same thing
i know you would have
i dont want to hurt any of you, especially carl
but i cant take it anymore
rest peacefully knowing that i wont kill myself as of yet
that i will come back from break in one piece
but know that it is always at the front of my mind
in everything i do
i just cant bring myself to leave carl like that
i love him too much to hurt him
let me be the one to call you baby all the time
show me you can take some comfort knowing that you're mine
just hold me tight
lay by my side
and let me be the one who calls you baby all the time
i found my place in the world
could stare at your face for the rest of my days
now i can't breath, turn my insides out, and smother me
warm and alive, im all over you, wont you smother me?
let me be the one who never leaves you all alone
i hold my breath and lose the feeling that im on my own
hold me too tight
stay by my side
and let me be the one who calls you baby all the time
i found my place in the world
could stare at your face for the rest of my days
now i can't breath, turn my insides out, and smother me
warm and alive, im all over you, wont you smother me?
when im alone, time goes so slow,
i need you here with me
and how my mistakes, have made your heartbreak
still need you hear with me
so baby i'm
baby i'm here
im sorry
im so sorry
its all my fault
i didnt want it to happen
please im so sorry carl
can you forgive me?
what can i say besides im sorry?
besides i tried?
besides i failed?
its all my fault, it always is
i was supposed to call my mom last night from berger's and i forgot, which i always do, and then when i got home she was really mad. And it doesnt help that at that moment, my dad brought in the mail and got my progress report and saw how horrible i was doing. Do you want to know how i did in my classes? in four of them i am currently failing and the other two i have c's. do you know why i happen to be failing? because i dont turn in work, which is exactly why i got in trouble last time. This was my second chance and i was supposed to be turning in my homework.
damnit
im sorry
its all my fault
im sorry im a failure
im sorry that i have horrible grades, and that apparantly im not trying hard enough. do you think that i like going into my classes and seeing my teachers look at me with the "i know you can do better" face? do you think i like it when they ask me what's wrong, and why i cant do my work and i cant even answer them? do you think i like to see my grades as they slowly begin to drop? Can't you see that i am trying? im just not good enough. I just can't do it. I hate everything. I hate myself.
my mom told me that if i dont improve my grades, she'll transfer me to thurston, and i won't be allowed to see any of you again. i dont fucking think she's kidding either. i mean what would stop her from doing it? but if she did that, i would probably do worse in school, do an insane amount of drugs, get depressed and kill myself. and dont think im being overdramatic, because i know that's what will happen, im not imagining the worst. How many friends do you think i'll make there? in the middle of the year? looking the way i do? how well do you think my grades will be, when i have no friends, no motivation, and at that point, not a care in the world?
fuck
i really need to cry
really really bad
and i need carl to let me cry on his shoulder
but i cant
because its all my fault
and now im fucking grounded
i can't see anyone over break
i can't do anything
and its all my fault
its always my fault
you have no idea how much i want to die right now
i was going to kill myself last night
but i wouldnt do that to carl
i wouldnt leave him like that
i couldnt leave him like that
but im fucking dying inside
every day, every minute, every second that i have to spend in this house
in either house
with either of my parents
their disappointment, confusion, hatred
it coats the air with a heavy and sickly feeling
im fucking dying inside
rotting from the inside out
i want to die
please someone kill me
please
im fucking begging you
give me a gun
give me a knife
give me anything, i bet i can find a way to kill myself with it
i dont want to be here anymore
i want to be with carl
anywhere but here
im sorry
so sorry
i hurt myself last night
i cut my arm up
all over the place
there was blood everywhere
dripping from my arm
and in the process of getting the razor
i managed to slice my thumb pretty badly
and so that was bleeding all over as well
and it was all over my face
and my clothes
and dripping onto the floor
it was so beautiful that i never wanted it to stop
im sorry
i really am
but you would have done the same thing
i know you would have
i dont want to hurt any of you, especially carl
but i cant take it anymore
rest peacefully knowing that i wont kill myself as of yet
that i will come back from break in one piece
but know that it is always at the front of my mind
in everything i do
i just cant bring myself to leave carl like that
i love him too much to hurt him
let me be the one to call you baby all the time
show me you can take some comfort knowing that you're mine
just hold me tight
lay by my side
and let me be the one who calls you baby all the time
i found my place in the world
could stare at your face for the rest of my days
now i can't breath, turn my insides out, and smother me
warm and alive, im all over you, wont you smother me?
let me be the one who never leaves you all alone
i hold my breath and lose the feeling that im on my own
hold me too tight
stay by my side
and let me be the one who calls you baby all the time
i found my place in the world
could stare at your face for the rest of my days
now i can't breath, turn my insides out, and smother me
warm and alive, im all over you, wont you smother me?
when im alone, time goes so slow,
i need you here with me
and how my mistakes, have made your heartbreak
still need you hear with me
so baby i'm
baby i'm here
Dec 18, 2007
In this sea of lonely, The taste of ink is getting old, It's four o' clock in the fucking morning, Each day gets more and more like the last day
im so happy
i need to cry really bad
but i dont want to
let it out
i want to keep it in
all of this feeling
am i selfish for it?
for reveling in it?
cherishing it?
i wouldnt think so,
yet something tells me i am
i should let it go
or maybe not
ill bottle it up
and keep it as a noose around my neck
so as it ever fills
it ever tightens
until its contents suffocate me
some might say i died of heartbreak
but only few will really know that i died of heartmend
that i died of love
and really isnt that the best way to go?
it's not your fault so please stop your crying now
i need to cry really bad
but i dont want to
let it out
i want to keep it in
all of this feeling
am i selfish for it?
for reveling in it?
cherishing it?
i wouldnt think so,
yet something tells me i am
i should let it go
or maybe not
ill bottle it up
and keep it as a noose around my neck
so as it ever fills
it ever tightens
until its contents suffocate me
some might say i died of heartbreak
but only few will really know that i died of heartmend
that i died of love
and really isnt that the best way to go?
it's not your fault so please stop your crying now
Dec 7, 2007
what's life like bleeding on the floor?
Make It Worth It
your a loser
you are worthless
end your life
end this mess
oh how you've wanted to
oh how you've tried
oh how you've stopped yourself
oh how you've cried
there's so much to live for
so much you've not done
yet there's so much to die for
so much you've not won
filled with confusing thoughts
do it
dont
do it
dont
you just with they'd stop
those voices within you
those voices around you
those that spin you
those that drown you
you see yourself
above yourself
you're falling now
you're bleeding now
can't you see you're dead now?
but how you wish you could take it back
its not what you wanted
it never really was
but its too late
the white has faded to black
but how could you ever make it worth it
when you gave it all
and they gave you shit?
they tore you up
tore you open
you covered it up
your deadly sin
but it wasnt good enough
it never is
you gave it all
they gave you shit
was it worth it?
it never is
you gave it all
they gave you shit
and you're falling now
you're bleeding now
can't they see you're dead now?
but they can't make it worth it
your a loser
you are worthless
end your life
end this mess
oh how you've wanted to
oh how you've tried
oh how you've stopped yourself
oh how you've cried
there's so much to live for
so much you've not done
yet there's so much to die for
so much you've not won
filled with confusing thoughts
do it
dont
do it
dont
you just with they'd stop
those voices within you
those voices around you
those that spin you
those that drown you
you see yourself
above yourself
you're falling now
you're bleeding now
can't you see you're dead now?
but how you wish you could take it back
its not what you wanted
it never really was
but its too late
the white has faded to black
but how could you ever make it worth it
when you gave it all
and they gave you shit?
they tore you up
tore you open
you covered it up
your deadly sin
but it wasnt good enough
it never is
you gave it all
they gave you shit
was it worth it?
it never is
you gave it all
they gave you shit
and you're falling now
you're bleeding now
can't they see you're dead now?
but they can't make it worth it
Dec 5, 2007
you say that Peter, but i think that is your biggest pretend
I love Peter Pan
Jeremy Sumpter is a very convincing Peter.
maybe my love for that movie spawns from my childlike ideals and my deep wish never to grow up. Maybe I believe in the love will conquer all thing. Maybe i believe in faeries.
no wait...
I do believe in faeries! I do! I do!
I do believe in faeries! I do! I do!
I do believe in faeries! I do! I do!
@_@
im silly
if you've never seen that movie you probably have no idea what im talking about with the whole faeries thing, its okay because there are so many remakes of that movie that its hard to keep track. But i think that this remake is the best. Jeremy Sumpter may have been like twelve when he made that movie but at the time it came out so was i, and he looked pretty damn good running around half naked in a suit of leaves. But now when i watch that movie i feel like a pedophile :/
he looks so much better now though.
theres just something about his face...
and those eyes...
oh well,
getting my head out of neverland...
so apparantly im going to gabbys house later this week
and berger/tam's party on the 19th
and jon's party whenever it is
and it wasnt like "hey do you want to go?"
it was like "hey your going"
and im just like okay whatever
i forgot to mention that allison gave me a strange proposal today
she's just like "hey you and i need to make out in front of carl so you can tell me if im a good kisser"
and again
its just like "um okay sure. just tell me where and when."
@_@
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
so im really happy otherwise
i feel like ive reconnected with dillon
like hes telling me things again
it feels good to know that he'd go to me when he has a problem
and that i can go to him when i have one
its nice to end this day on such a good note :D
Jeremy Sumpter is a very convincing Peter.
maybe my love for that movie spawns from my childlike ideals and my deep wish never to grow up. Maybe I believe in the love will conquer all thing. Maybe i believe in faeries.
no wait...
I do believe in faeries! I do! I do!
I do believe in faeries! I do! I do!
I do believe in faeries! I do! I do!
@_@
im silly
if you've never seen that movie you probably have no idea what im talking about with the whole faeries thing, its okay because there are so many remakes of that movie that its hard to keep track. But i think that this remake is the best. Jeremy Sumpter may have been like twelve when he made that movie but at the time it came out so was i, and he looked pretty damn good running around half naked in a suit of leaves. But now when i watch that movie i feel like a pedophile :/
he looks so much better now though.
theres just something about his face...
and those eyes...
oh well,
getting my head out of neverland...
so apparantly im going to gabbys house later this week
and berger/tam's party on the 19th
and jon's party whenever it is
and it wasnt like "hey do you want to go?"
it was like "hey your going"
and im just like okay whatever
i forgot to mention that allison gave me a strange proposal today
she's just like "hey you and i need to make out in front of carl so you can tell me if im a good kisser"
and again
its just like "um okay sure. just tell me where and when."
@_@
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
so im really happy otherwise
i feel like ive reconnected with dillon
like hes telling me things again
it feels good to know that he'd go to me when he has a problem
and that i can go to him when i have one
its nice to end this day on such a good note :D
Dec 3, 2007
I don't know what i want
thanx carl. a lot.
now im going to have that song stuck in my head all day
and you know whats worse?
the story you told about how you got it stuck in your head
because now whenever i hear it, im gonna think of your dad.
and your dad, and that song, together, is not a pretty picture at all.
xD
or maybe it should be:
Dx
im going to need some serious therapy for that one.
anyways, reporting back to you from 3rd hour again, i just finished that dumb paper that we had to do with our giant textbook things. Who in the hell makes a textbook about managing your personal finances?
obviously someone who lives with their mom and is like 40, balding and a virgin.
xD
im so silly, but its probably true.
I've been feeling really down lately. more so than before, and i want to cut myself, to bleed all over the place, and especially to show it to my mom. Like it would make me so happy if i could just put the blood all over my hands and then slap her, so that the palm print would be on her face and i would have that memory with me for the rest of my life. and if i was cruel enough and remembered to, i would probably take a picture.
I really just want to make someone cry and make someone hurt. It's been so long since i've done that, but i know that i love my friends too dearly to do that to any of you, and that if i ever hurt any of you, it would probably hurt me even more. I know this sounds really sadistic, but i really just want to find someone or something that i can just kick the living shit out of. I would do it to my sister, but there would be consequences for that. Even though i would really love to see her with a fat lip and a black eye. she seriously deserves it for all the shit she's been giving me lately. I'm so sick of her not giving me any respect.
of anyone not giving me any respect. Oh my god, all i ever do around my dad's house is fucking clean up after my sister and my dad. They never give me any goddamn respect or acknowledgement. They both treat me like shit, or they dont treat me at all. I told dillon this and he told me just to stop cleaning up after them, and truth be told he has a point, but i cant because i do it more for myself because i dont want to live in a fucking shithole.
im just so tired of everything you know?
now im going to have that song stuck in my head all day
and you know whats worse?
the story you told about how you got it stuck in your head
because now whenever i hear it, im gonna think of your dad.
and your dad, and that song, together, is not a pretty picture at all.
xD
or maybe it should be:
Dx
im going to need some serious therapy for that one.
anyways, reporting back to you from 3rd hour again, i just finished that dumb paper that we had to do with our giant textbook things. Who in the hell makes a textbook about managing your personal finances?
obviously someone who lives with their mom and is like 40, balding and a virgin.
xD
im so silly, but its probably true.
I've been feeling really down lately. more so than before, and i want to cut myself, to bleed all over the place, and especially to show it to my mom. Like it would make me so happy if i could just put the blood all over my hands and then slap her, so that the palm print would be on her face and i would have that memory with me for the rest of my life. and if i was cruel enough and remembered to, i would probably take a picture.
I really just want to make someone cry and make someone hurt. It's been so long since i've done that, but i know that i love my friends too dearly to do that to any of you, and that if i ever hurt any of you, it would probably hurt me even more. I know this sounds really sadistic, but i really just want to find someone or something that i can just kick the living shit out of. I would do it to my sister, but there would be consequences for that. Even though i would really love to see her with a fat lip and a black eye. she seriously deserves it for all the shit she's been giving me lately. I'm so sick of her not giving me any respect.
of anyone not giving me any respect. Oh my god, all i ever do around my dad's house is fucking clean up after my sister and my dad. They never give me any goddamn respect or acknowledgement. They both treat me like shit, or they dont treat me at all. I told dillon this and he told me just to stop cleaning up after them, and truth be told he has a point, but i cant because i do it more for myself because i dont want to live in a fucking shithole.
im just so tired of everything you know?
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