ATTENTION ATTENTION May I have all your eyes and ears to the front of the room

if only for one second:

Tom:
KETCHUP
xD
wats up
Me:
nothing
just bored
Tom:
bout the same here
Me:
this is the first time I've been online in a while
Tom:
lol
i noticed
Me:
the internet is boring me lately
My sister was being a bitch today and I was tired of it so I punched her
she was nice to me after that
Tom:
lol, ive been nice tomy lil bro lately, ive been takin care of him cuz hes allergic to bees and got stung like 7 times
i feel responsible
Me:
lol how?
Tom:
cuz ive taken care of him
I ACTUALLYU MADE HIM SOUP
Me:
I mean, like, how'd he get stung 7 times?
and wow. I would never have expected that from you
Tom:
oh, i have no idea, he was at football and it happened
Me:
so why do YOU feel responsible?
Tom:
cuz im taking caring of him, i dont feel responsible for it happening, i feel responsible cuz myparents r trusting me and im actually helping
Me:
Oh. that makes more sense.
Tom:
lol
no shit
Me:
So what's come over you to make you do that?
Is tom finally growing up?
Tom:
i think i mite be
Me:
*gaspofshock*
It's absurd! BLASPHEMY!
Tom:
no, omg, i passed up the chance to get into a fight the other day, and i actually told someone to lay off on making fun of this fat kid
Me:
who is this imposter?
Tom:
it is the mighty adult tom
Me:
dun dun dunnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
I never thought I would live to see that day that Tom grew up.
I guess I was wrong
Tom:
r u sad?
Me:
I... don't know!
I don't know what to make of it
It's all too much! I can't even really comprehend this
Tom:
just think of tom, same looks and all, just, not being a total asshole
Me:
I know but it's... like.. i can't even think of words to say. It really is unbelievable
I'm assuming then that you will actually have real relationships now?
and like, try in school?
Tom:
like, dating, or like, freindships?
Me:
you already have good friendships
I mean as in dating
Tom:
idk, i kinda like a chick, whos kinda dating my freind 
Me:
Uncool.
Tom: i kno...i cant help it
Me:
No, it's not your fault
how long have they been going out?
Tom:
i doubt itll ever work tho
on and foff like 4 monthes, like, she dumps him every other week
Me:
hahaha
that's funny
it can't last forever then
Maybe it'll work
Tom:
i kno, i told her that, i said, oneof these days, he'll get fed up with this emotional drama and wont come bak
AND OMG
ULL NVR BELIEVE THIS
Me:
Girls who do that stuff make me want to beat a baby.
Tom:
EVER EVRR EVER
Me:
but what?!
Tom:
I ACTUALLY TLKED A GIRL INTO KEEPING HER VIRGINITY
Me:
WOAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HOLD UP!
Tom:
OMG I KNO
Me:
REPEAT THAT AGAIN BECAUSE I DON'T THINK I HEARD THAT RIGHT
Tom:
U WANT THE MSG I SENT?
Me:
yes please
JEEZUS TOM!
Tom:
kk
Me:
You are a completely different person almost!
Tom:
EXCEPT IM STILL HOT
Me:
xD... right, about that... I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this...
jk xD
Tom:
O.O
Me:
lulz, anyway
why was this girl wanting to lose it in the first place?
Tom:
read this 1st

"but seriously...i regret losing mine as fast as i did, i did it cuz i wanted to have sex, not becuz i had fallen in love
dont waste it, u only got one and if u lose it to fast, ullmiss out on ALOT"

THATS THE EXACT MSG
Me:
:0
OMG
WOW
Tom:
OMG I KNO
Me:
That's crazy shit
Well, I'm not stoned, so I know it's not in my head
Tom:
andrea, im growing up, im not acting like a lil kid anymore, ive matured, and for the bttr, i havent gotten high in like 3 weeks
Me:
woahhh that I do not believe either
and I'm not saying it's a bad thing that you've grown up, but it's still really shocking to take it
*in
I mean, it really is a good thing. I'm actually, like, proud of you I guess.
Tom:
ty, ur the 1st to say that
Me:
Lol, I can believe THAT of all things



SHOCKER :O