I had a mental breakdown when I was in the shower.
I dipped my head into the water and closed my eyes. When I opened them back up, I looked around at everything and came to the realization that nothing in there was mine. Everything was foreign. I saw things through the eyes of a stranger. Through the eyes of someone who didn't belong. How long had I looked at that bathroom and felt the familiarity? How long had I looked at it and felt that I belonged? I am a stranger, and truth rings in my words: I am homeless. I don't live here. I have a room, but it's not mine. I eat the food, but it's not for me. I don't know why I'm here anymore. I feel like a ghost wandering through the house. I feel like I'm forgotten. I feel like everyone else has found their place except for me. I really just want to leave, but I can't because I have no where to go.
It hurts because I can see how much I want to belong. How much my father wants me to belong. But I just can't see it anymore.
I can't handle this.
What the hell am I going to do?
Pavesco, pavesco.
1 comment:
i dont completely know what im talking about, but do you think that maybe if you kept more of your stuff there instead of just acting like its a sleepover and carrying stuff in a backpack, and you spent time with your dad and stuff, maybe youd feel more like you belong there? because i think maybe the fact that your moms house is where all your stuff is makes it seem like your dads is just somewhere where you spend time but dont actually live. i might be wrong, though, my parents arent divorced.
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