Do you believe your missing out? That everything good is happening somewhere else? But with nobody in your bed, the night's hard to get through

Why can't you take emotional sick days? Where you are just so out of it, unhappy, unwilling to go and do anything? I need one of those today. I kind of caught a break though. I went to bed super early, so i could therefore wake up super early, and it worked perfectly, except for the fact that my alarm didnt go off. So i awoke to my dad waking me up at quarter to 6 expecting me to be somewhat ready and able to get to school in half an hour even though i had to take a shower, put my clothes in the dryer, make and eat breakfast, dry and fix my hair, and of course, get dressed. Another perfect example of his lack of parental ability. Plus, i was supposed to wake up early so i could do my homework, which you all know i did not do. So i told him that he should just call me in late as i jumped in the shower.
i was so mad at myself, and at him, i stayed in there for half an hour just trying to calm down and stop crying. Maybe i lost track of time, or maybe i subconciously did it on purpose so that i could stall for time until my sister had to go to school. After which point, no one would be able to take me to school late, so i would have to stay home. But either way, when i got out of the shower, i was not the same as when i went in. I was just emotionally... lost, spent, done. I just absentmindedly floated through the next hour, zombie like as i made waffles and got my clothes from the dryer. I swear i spent about 40 minutes just sitting in front of my mirror looking at it. No, through it, at something that was on the other side, so close, yet so far away. I'm starting to think that i was looking at the way i used to be, the way we all used to be, the way everything used to be. Why can't we just go back to that? When it was so much easier, i was so much happier, everything was just better? When i used to listen, i did well in school, and didnt have thoughts of death hanging over everything i did.

I tried to talk to someone about my problems. He didnt reply. I know he read it. but he didnt reply. I half expected him not to in the first place. How could he give advice to me? We have been through some similar shit, and he's really helped before, but this, this goes way beyond anything we'd ever thought i'd have to face, that he might have to face. But i need guidance. I can't stumble around in the dark anymore, i need something to hold on to, something to help me along, and i'm running out of places to look.