I don't know what i want

thanx carl. a lot.
now im going to have that song stuck in my head all day
and you know whats worse?
the story you told about how you got it stuck in your head
because now whenever i hear it, im gonna think of your dad.
and your dad, and that song, together, is not a pretty picture at all.
xD
or maybe it should be:
Dx
im going to need some serious therapy for that one.


anyways, reporting back to you from 3rd hour again, i just finished that dumb paper that we had to do with our giant textbook things. Who in the hell makes a textbook about managing your personal finances?
obviously someone who lives with their mom and is like 40, balding and a virgin.
xD
im so silly, but its probably true.


I've been feeling really down lately. more so than before, and i want to cut myself, to bleed all over the place, and especially to show it to my mom. Like it would make me so happy if i could just put the blood all over my hands and then slap her, so that the palm print would be on her face and i would have that memory with me for the rest of my life. and if i was cruel enough and remembered to, i would probably take a picture.

I really just want to make someone cry and make someone hurt. It's been so long since i've done that, but i know that i love my friends too dearly to do that to any of you, and that if i ever hurt any of you, it would probably hurt me even more. I know this sounds really sadistic, but i really just want to find someone or something that i can just kick the living shit out of. I would do it to my sister, but there would be consequences for that. Even though i would really love to see her with a fat lip and a black eye. she seriously deserves it for all the shit she's been giving me lately. I'm so sick of her not giving me any respect.

of anyone not giving me any respect. Oh my god, all i ever do around my dad's house is fucking clean up after my sister and my dad. They never give me any goddamn respect or acknowledgement. They both treat me like shit, or they dont treat me at all. I told dillon this and he told me just to stop cleaning up after them, and truth be told he has a point, but i cant because i do it more for myself because i dont want to live in a fucking shithole.

im just so tired of everything you know?