losing half a year, waiting for you here, i'd be your anything

kenny came back today
and i hung out with him for an hour or two, i lost track of time
why does it have to be so complicated?

everytime he comes over, everytime i see him, i feel so bad because he likes me so much. he always tells me, he always says "if only you didnt have a boyfriend. why do you have to have a boyfriend? everytime i see you. you always have one" it just makes me feel bad because i like him, i always have. some people think im crazy for it, but he's really a nice guy and he's a really good friend, not to say that i would leave carl for him, because hell no i would not. i love carl so much and i couldnt ever think of being with someone else, and carl, dont ever doubt that i love you because of this, but i know that if i hadnt met carl when i did, and kenny and i were both single, it would have happened.

its just that kenny has always been such a good friend to me, and as he said, he was really the first guy, but the love i have for kenny is not even close to the love i have for carl. i love kenny like a brother, actually more like, a really good friend, but i love carl more passionately and deeply than i have ever loved someone before, and i dont know what i would ever do if i lost him. but kenny, i kind of lose him all the time. he moved to dearborn with his mom, he doesnt go to churchill, and he doesnt come around this neighborhood anymore since he doesnt live with his grandma. he's just never around. i've already sort of lost him, and it just makes it hurt that much more when he comes back. because i want to be with him, and be around him, but i feel so bad when he tells me how much he wants to be with me, how much he misses me, and i feel bad when he leaves again, because i just never know when i'm going to see him.

im just so confused right now
D:

p.s.
CARL I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND PLEASE DONT WORRY ABOUT WHAT I'VE JUST SAID IN THIS POST BECAUSE I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND I WANT TO BE WITH YOU FOREVER. I WOULD NEVER EVEN DREAM ABOUT BEING WITH SOMEONE ELSE, ESPECIALLY KENNY, BECAUSE I DONT LIKE HIM NEARLY AS MUCH AS I LOVE YOU.