Ten things about me (en vue de Natalie):
1. I can get over dramatic about certain things, as Liz said. It's harder to realize when I do it because I'm constantly analyzing everyone else, but there are plenty of times where I step back and tell myself to shut up and deal with it.
2. I am a compulsive liar. And I hate being caught in a lie, and consequently I will lie more to get myself out of it (hence, how it became compulsive. There was once a point where I was not good at lying, but I've found it gets easier as time goes by).
3. I am dependent. On people. Like Carl, for instance. I really want to see him all the time, but I am consciously aware of how much time I keep taking from him and part of the reason I don't see him more is because I don't always allow myself to, so that he can have his space.
4. I am the most rationally irrational person you will probably ever meet, and I laugh at pretty much everything. There is no way I can ever keep a straight face for more than 5 seconds. Try it, you'll see.
5. I have secrets. So many it's almost unbelievable. I'm trying to be more open about them, but there's still that part of me that always thinks that none of you even deserve to know. It was never any of your business when I first hid it, it's not your business now either. But being invulnerable and alone is not a good thing at all.
6. I purposely involve people in certain aspects of my life that I know they don't want to know about, just because I want them to worry and talk about me behind my back because I feel there's not enough drama in my life as compared to other people.
7. I'm annoying as fuck and even I know it. I can read the expression all over your face and all it says is: "Shut the fuck up and get the fuck away from me. Stop wasting my time."
8. Even when you don't think I am, I'm pretty much serious about everything I say. Most of the time I won't go through with half of it, but the thought is always processed in my head to the fullest. I am constantly thinking out every possible scenario for everything.
9. I say, "I know, " just to mask the fact that I didn't know because I hate feeling stupid and I hate needing people to explain things to me (This goes along with the compulsive lying. Just keep in mind that I probably have no idea what you're talking about, but I will never admit it, so don't ever question me).
10. I always pick up my cell phone, but never my home phone unless it's certain people. Even if I know the number, I won't pick up the land line. But I will always, always pick up my cell phone regardless of if I know the number or not. And it also really peeves me when someone calls my land line instead of my cell phone, even though they know my cell phone number, and then never call my cell phone after I am finished not picking up the other phone.
May 13, 2008
May 12, 2008
they hate if you're clever and despise a fool
Resolutions are normally saved for the beginning of the new year, but I believe they should be made at any point in your life when you feel you need to change. Now I know I've said some of these before, and it's guaranteed that I will say them again, but here they are:
1. Let it go
2. Be honest all the time
3. Get out of the house
4. Let loose
5. Be together
I'm trying to keep it short and sweet, so it's more accomplishable. Granted, each one of those are quite big tasks to undertake, so this small list could take me an entire year in and of itself.
P.S.
Allison: I hate your guts. You were okay to talk to at first, when I sort of felt sorry for you, but now you just piss me off. And your laugh makes my ears bleed. How can any guy possibly fall for you? Oh wait, they don't.
Lizzi: Sometimes you can be as over dramatic as Sahana (minus the love part) and everyone knows it, even yourself. I can't say I resent you for it because that's just the way you are, but you almost seem like a different person. Even Katie sometimes refers to you as old Liz and new Liz and I can't say I disagree.
Amanda: You're a good friend to me, but we haven't been in contact very much lately, and I'm not sure if I don't like it. I don't know if it's just the way I am lately or what, but maybe things will change. Then again, maybe they won't.
Natalie: You really are an asshole sometimes, but I love every minute of it. It's never boring to be around you, and there aren't many bad things I can say.
Dan: I really, really dislike you. A lot. Your always touching, and I've noticed this since the first day I actually met you. You like to have your hands and arms all over people (well, I shouldn't say people, more like girls). And that is one of my personal pet peeves. If you're not my boyfriend, or one of my girl friends, then DON'T TOUCH ME.
Mike: Honestly, I don't like you much either. I almost feel bad for it, but I treat you exactly the way I treated Andrew. You can get me drugs, you're okay to talk to at lunch, but in general I don't like being around you. I'm really actually glad that you're graduating so that I won't have to see you around school anymore.
Jon and Company; Ryan, Jp, and Company: You guys are all really awesome to hang out with, and we don't do it enough. I miss you guys and we need to hang out one day. Although Ryan can be a little... je ne sais quoi, mais je ne l'aime pas vraiment quelque fois.
"But a bullet sounds the same in every language."
1. Let it go
2. Be honest all the time
3. Get out of the house
4. Let loose
5. Be together
I'm trying to keep it short and sweet, so it's more accomplishable. Granted, each one of those are quite big tasks to undertake, so this small list could take me an entire year in and of itself.
P.S.
Allison: I hate your guts. You were okay to talk to at first, when I sort of felt sorry for you, but now you just piss me off. And your laugh makes my ears bleed. How can any guy possibly fall for you? Oh wait, they don't.
Lizzi: Sometimes you can be as over dramatic as Sahana (minus the love part) and everyone knows it, even yourself. I can't say I resent you for it because that's just the way you are, but you almost seem like a different person. Even Katie sometimes refers to you as old Liz and new Liz and I can't say I disagree.
Amanda: You're a good friend to me, but we haven't been in contact very much lately, and I'm not sure if I don't like it. I don't know if it's just the way I am lately or what, but maybe things will change. Then again, maybe they won't.
Natalie: You really are an asshole sometimes, but I love every minute of it. It's never boring to be around you, and there aren't many bad things I can say.
Dan: I really, really dislike you. A lot. Your always touching, and I've noticed this since the first day I actually met you. You like to have your hands and arms all over people (well, I shouldn't say people, more like girls). And that is one of my personal pet peeves. If you're not my boyfriend, or one of my girl friends, then DON'T TOUCH ME.
Mike: Honestly, I don't like you much either. I almost feel bad for it, but I treat you exactly the way I treated Andrew. You can get me drugs, you're okay to talk to at lunch, but in general I don't like being around you. I'm really actually glad that you're graduating so that I won't have to see you around school anymore.
Jon and Company; Ryan, Jp, and Company: You guys are all really awesome to hang out with, and we don't do it enough. I miss you guys and we need to hang out one day. Although Ryan can be a little... je ne sais quoi, mais je ne l'aime pas vraiment quelque fois.
<=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=>
So, I decided that I'm very tempted to die. Just to see what it's like. I don't know what's going to happen and it makes me curious. I would never do it, but I would really like to try. I mean, do I simply cease to exist? Or is there really an afterlife? Do I reincarnate or do I just simply float around amongst people as a ghost? I think the last one intrigues me the most. I don't know if you noticed in one of my recent posts, I want to be a ghost; to exist in non-existence. It just seems like it would be more interesting to go on living next to someone instead of with someone. I would never EVER actually do it, because, I would miss him. I would miss all of you, and you would miss me. I could never do it because of you all. I'm not that selfish. And also, what if I'm wrong? Then where would I be? Dead. And you all would be alone. It's just not something I want to risk; I've never been a gambler,"But a bullet sounds the same in every language."
May 9, 2008
What would you say if this blemished face with a crooked nose, had a chance to say whatever he wanted from his blemished world of the unknown?
"The truth will set you free. But first, it will piss you off."
-Gloria Steinem
"It is one of the severest tests of friendship to tell your friend his faults. So to love a man that you cannot bear to see a stain upon him, and to speak painful truth through loving words, that is friendship."
-Henry Ward Beecher
"The beginning of a circle is also it's end."
-Heraklietos of Ephesos
"Truth comes as conqueror only to those who have lost the art of receiving it as friend."
-Rabindranath Tagore
"Yet it is in our idleness, in our dreams, that the submerged truth sometimes comes to the top."
-Virginia Woolfe
Natalie: As much as I've ever wanted to criticize you for anything you've ever done, or as much as I have criticized you for the things you've done, I honestly can't condone it because, honestly, I know that if I was put in your position, I would probably behave the same way. In fact, even if I wasn't in your position, I can always envision myself being exactly like you. So, I guess in a sense, I see myself in you and I can't bear to go around and tear down my own self esteem. I can't tear down someone who I could potentially be. I just can't. And I'm sorry for ever doing it before. I don't want you to worry about anything I say about you though. I love you and I care for you, and obviously we all worry for your well being, but you seem to be taking care of yourself well. So what can I say? Your lifestyle may be different than mine, or anyone's, but it's yours and I shouldn't be the one to question how you live your life. They are your experiences to go through and I, nor anyone else have a right to judge. Of course, always take care of yourself, and be safe. Don't end up a crack whore, or pregnant (although, Chelsea and I would make you keep the baby), or something equally as serious, such as dead.
Katie: Honestly, more and more I find myself drifting further and further away from you. We rarely talk on the bus and we don't hang out with many of the same friends. It seems lately that a lot of people I know feel as if they aren't as important to you anymore. Some of the time I just feel like you use me (and others) for certain things. You don't make as much of an effort to keep in touch, especially when you have problems. And although you do share secrets sometimes, more often than not, I'm not the first person to hear about them. High school has changed everyone a great deal, but why do I feel like you're a completely different person? Why do I feel like you are replacing your old friends with newer ones? I guess in effect because you are but, everyone does it, so I cannot possibly blame you. I just wish we didn't have to come to this realization so soon.
Sahana: If I had to sum you up in two words, we all know what it would be: over dramatic. Even you yourself know it. And yet you do nothing to change it. You pour your heart out all the time online to the scrutiny of the world and yet you refuse to pour your heart out to most of the people you know. You obsess over boys, especially boys you cannot have and when you look back you realize how stupid you were to do so. COLIN. Where do I even begin with that? He told you straight up that you were over dramatic and obsessive and that you needed to get over him because he didn't love you the way you wanted him to and he never would, and yet you still idolize him, worship him, whatever means of extreme passion you would classify it as. You need to get over him, get over every guy. Because one of these days you will be in a real relationship, and it won't be perfect and you will obsess and destroy everything you love. Honestly, I can probably say pretty confidently that most of us that know you would like to slap you across your face and tell you to get it together and prepare yourself for the real world. Because there are no such thing as Edwards or Jacobs. Even the most perfect of guys will never be truly perfect, and when you compare someone to another person who is absolutely perfect, they will never even come close to your standards, and you will end up alone because you will constantly be consumed by the fact that they aren't comparable. You're only psyching yourself up for misery, pain, and true heartbreak.
Teri: (written by Chelsea) So from what I understand of you, it seems like you want a boy. Don’t kid yourself and say that no one reads your blog. You know for a fact that Andrea + I do. You’ve seen our comments. Unless making a post about how no one reads what you have to say was just a clever disguise for gaining comments, your mindset is completely off.
I’ve read your recent poetry, and must admit that I’m surprised. However, I don’t think that you could possibly understand what I’m trying to say in such short of a sentence. I’ll leave it to you, though. Feel free to make assumptions.
The truth is, you shouldn’t care about relationships that much. You’re only a Freshman in High School. You’ve lived one-fourth of your life so far. So? Does that entitle you to have to find another person of the opposite gender to spend time with? To start looking for that one person in High School is slightly preposterous. Actually, it’s completely preposterous. Oh, come on, you know that there are exceptions. Andrea + Carl, for example. That’s different. There’s no real way to prove it without someone else shooting it down, but you KNOW that that’s different.
The fact is, you need to stop looking and start living. I’ve completely given up on relationships, as of right now. Andrea’s helped me to realize that I just don’t NEED one right now. Do you really NEED one to make yourself feel happy? If you do, you’ve got a pretty low self esteem; lower than one could ever think possible. A relationship, in order to last, needs to have two people who are willing to help each other live and be okay NO MATTER WHAT THE COST. The two people in a relationship need to be able to show each other that they will always be there for them, no matter what. Are you seriously telling me right now that you’re looking for that one person, that one EXTREMELY RARE person that you want to spend the rest of your life with when you’re in HIGH SCHOOL? Sure, a lot of people do. You always hear about people who have been dating this one person since seventh grade. I’m one to question whether or not they started out with a real relationship or not. Whether or not they just had something that they wanted to call a relationship. It’s left to questions and speculation.
The point is, you need to stop regretting your past boyfriends. Your past “loves”, if that’s what you’d like to call it. Personally, I wouldn’t call it love, because you ended them all on good terms. A relationship was only good when it ends horribly. That’s when you know that you actually cared about them. That you can’t stand to not think about them in a romantic sense, and since you’re being forced to do so, you just can’t STAND them anymore. You just can’t bear being around them. Going back to someone that you’ve already left solves nothing. It only opens up old wounds, calling back past mistakes. Frankly, that’s not healthy. That never will be. Unless two people are absolutely sure that they’ve just passed up the best thing that ever happened to them, the absolute BEST thing, don’t call back an old relationship. Ever.
The thing is, Teri, is that I’d gladly follow you into the dark. If you need someone to talk to, about relationships, love, confusion, ANYTHING, I will be RIGHT HERE. Yes, I know that I’ve lost the friendship that we once had. You didn’t change; not much, anyways. I’m coming back to Churchill next year, you know that? I’m letting myself get closer to those who were already there. To those who I’ve left. And if you need to take advantage of my presence, go right ahead. I will be here. Whenever you need me, I will be here. Though I may lack coherency, though I might not say exactly what you want to hear, I will tell you what I believe to be right, and I’ll certainly tell you the truth. Keep faith in those who care for you; they know exactly who and what you need to love, and be loved.
(basically, I agree with Chelsea, although I can't say that her opinion is exactly mine.)
To anyone who ever thinks that they've felt heartbreak: Take a second and think about the relationship. If you've never been in one, then it's not heartbreak. Sorry to break the news to you. If you have been in one for a decent amount of time, think about how much you currently hate the person. How bitter you are towards them. If you absolutely cannot stand them, can't stand to be around them, you know that your relationship was pretty much the best thing you ever had. It means that you really cared about the person and it hurt you both inside to realize that it was actually over. Never regret your lost loves; it only leads to hurting the people who can and will love you in the future.
To basically all people that I am angry at: YOU HAVE NO PROBLEMS. YOUR LIFE IS FINE. GET THE FUCK OVER IT. YOU HAVE NO REAL RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS. YOUR NOT FAILING SCHOOL. YOU DON'T HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF WHEN YOU GO HOME AT NIGHT. YOU AREN'T DEPRESSED, OR LONGING FOR NON-EXISTENCE. YOU DON'T HAVE MENTAL PROBLEMS, IRRATIONAL FEARS, PARANOIA, TRUE INSOMNIA, NOR DO YOU ABUSE PHYSICAL SUBSTANCES. WHEN YOU'RE WILLING TO GET OVER YOURSELVES, I'LL BE HERE TO HAVE A REAL CONVERSATION ABOUT PROBLEMS.
I know there will probably be some people angry at the things I've said here today. And I encourage you to write the truth about me because I'm actually really interested in it. Of course I cannot really see the truth about myself as clearly as you can/do. Don't worry about hurting my feelings or something, because obviously, I didn't care that much about hurting yours (if I did).
-Gloria Steinem
"It is one of the severest tests of friendship to tell your friend his faults. So to love a man that you cannot bear to see a stain upon him, and to speak painful truth through loving words, that is friendship."
-Henry Ward Beecher
"The beginning of a circle is also it's end."
-Heraklietos of Ephesos
"Truth comes as conqueror only to those who have lost the art of receiving it as friend."
-Rabindranath Tagore
"Yet it is in our idleness, in our dreams, that the submerged truth sometimes comes to the top."
-Virginia Woolfe
"I have always noticed that people will never laugh at anything that is not based on truth."
"Truth is the function of the beliefs that start and terminate among them."
Natalie: As much as I've ever wanted to criticize you for anything you've ever done, or as much as I have criticized you for the things you've done, I honestly can't condone it because, honestly, I know that if I was put in your position, I would probably behave the same way. In fact, even if I wasn't in your position, I can always envision myself being exactly like you. So, I guess in a sense, I see myself in you and I can't bear to go around and tear down my own self esteem. I can't tear down someone who I could potentially be. I just can't. And I'm sorry for ever doing it before. I don't want you to worry about anything I say about you though. I love you and I care for you, and obviously we all worry for your well being, but you seem to be taking care of yourself well. So what can I say? Your lifestyle may be different than mine, or anyone's, but it's yours and I shouldn't be the one to question how you live your life. They are your experiences to go through and I, nor anyone else have a right to judge. Of course, always take care of yourself, and be safe. Don't end up a crack whore, or pregnant (although, Chelsea and I would make you keep the baby), or something equally as serious, such as dead.
Katie: Honestly, more and more I find myself drifting further and further away from you. We rarely talk on the bus and we don't hang out with many of the same friends. It seems lately that a lot of people I know feel as if they aren't as important to you anymore. Some of the time I just feel like you use me (and others) for certain things. You don't make as much of an effort to keep in touch, especially when you have problems. And although you do share secrets sometimes, more often than not, I'm not the first person to hear about them. High school has changed everyone a great deal, but why do I feel like you're a completely different person? Why do I feel like you are replacing your old friends with newer ones? I guess in effect because you are but, everyone does it, so I cannot possibly blame you. I just wish we didn't have to come to this realization so soon.
Sahana: If I had to sum you up in two words, we all know what it would be: over dramatic. Even you yourself know it. And yet you do nothing to change it. You pour your heart out all the time online to the scrutiny of the world and yet you refuse to pour your heart out to most of the people you know. You obsess over boys, especially boys you cannot have and when you look back you realize how stupid you were to do so. COLIN. Where do I even begin with that? He told you straight up that you were over dramatic and obsessive and that you needed to get over him because he didn't love you the way you wanted him to and he never would, and yet you still idolize him, worship him, whatever means of extreme passion you would classify it as. You need to get over him, get over every guy. Because one of these days you will be in a real relationship, and it won't be perfect and you will obsess and destroy everything you love. Honestly, I can probably say pretty confidently that most of us that know you would like to slap you across your face and tell you to get it together and prepare yourself for the real world. Because there are no such thing as Edwards or Jacobs. Even the most perfect of guys will never be truly perfect, and when you compare someone to another person who is absolutely perfect, they will never even come close to your standards, and you will end up alone because you will constantly be consumed by the fact that they aren't comparable. You're only psyching yourself up for misery, pain, and true heartbreak.
Teri: (written by Chelsea) So from what I understand of you, it seems like you want a boy. Don’t kid yourself and say that no one reads your blog. You know for a fact that Andrea + I do. You’ve seen our comments. Unless making a post about how no one reads what you have to say was just a clever disguise for gaining comments, your mindset is completely off.
I’ve read your recent poetry, and must admit that I’m surprised. However, I don’t think that you could possibly understand what I’m trying to say in such short of a sentence. I’ll leave it to you, though. Feel free to make assumptions.
The truth is, you shouldn’t care about relationships that much. You’re only a Freshman in High School. You’ve lived one-fourth of your life so far. So? Does that entitle you to have to find another person of the opposite gender to spend time with? To start looking for that one person in High School is slightly preposterous. Actually, it’s completely preposterous. Oh, come on, you know that there are exceptions. Andrea + Carl, for example. That’s different. There’s no real way to prove it without someone else shooting it down, but you KNOW that that’s different.
The fact is, you need to stop looking and start living. I’ve completely given up on relationships, as of right now. Andrea’s helped me to realize that I just don’t NEED one right now. Do you really NEED one to make yourself feel happy? If you do, you’ve got a pretty low self esteem; lower than one could ever think possible. A relationship, in order to last, needs to have two people who are willing to help each other live and be okay NO MATTER WHAT THE COST. The two people in a relationship need to be able to show each other that they will always be there for them, no matter what. Are you seriously telling me right now that you’re looking for that one person, that one EXTREMELY RARE person that you want to spend the rest of your life with when you’re in HIGH SCHOOL? Sure, a lot of people do. You always hear about people who have been dating this one person since seventh grade. I’m one to question whether or not they started out with a real relationship or not. Whether or not they just had something that they wanted to call a relationship. It’s left to questions and speculation.
The point is, you need to stop regretting your past boyfriends. Your past “loves”, if that’s what you’d like to call it. Personally, I wouldn’t call it love, because you ended them all on good terms. A relationship was only good when it ends horribly. That’s when you know that you actually cared about them. That you can’t stand to not think about them in a romantic sense, and since you’re being forced to do so, you just can’t STAND them anymore. You just can’t bear being around them. Going back to someone that you’ve already left solves nothing. It only opens up old wounds, calling back past mistakes. Frankly, that’s not healthy. That never will be. Unless two people are absolutely sure that they’ve just passed up the best thing that ever happened to them, the absolute BEST thing, don’t call back an old relationship. Ever.
The thing is, Teri, is that I’d gladly follow you into the dark. If you need someone to talk to, about relationships, love, confusion, ANYTHING, I will be RIGHT HERE. Yes, I know that I’ve lost the friendship that we once had. You didn’t change; not much, anyways. I’m coming back to Churchill next year, you know that? I’m letting myself get closer to those who were already there. To those who I’ve left. And if you need to take advantage of my presence, go right ahead. I will be here. Whenever you need me, I will be here. Though I may lack coherency, though I might not say exactly what you want to hear, I will tell you what I believe to be right, and I’ll certainly tell you the truth. Keep faith in those who care for you; they know exactly who and what you need to love, and be loved.
(basically, I agree with Chelsea, although I can't say that her opinion is exactly mine.)
To anyone who ever thinks that they've felt heartbreak: Take a second and think about the relationship. If you've never been in one, then it's not heartbreak. Sorry to break the news to you. If you have been in one for a decent amount of time, think about how much you currently hate the person. How bitter you are towards them. If you absolutely cannot stand them, can't stand to be around them, you know that your relationship was pretty much the best thing you ever had. It means that you really cared about the person and it hurt you both inside to realize that it was actually over. Never regret your lost loves; it only leads to hurting the people who can and will love you in the future.
To basically all people that I am angry at: YOU HAVE NO PROBLEMS. YOUR LIFE IS FINE. GET THE FUCK OVER IT. YOU HAVE NO REAL RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS. YOUR NOT FAILING SCHOOL. YOU DON'T HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF WHEN YOU GO HOME AT NIGHT. YOU AREN'T DEPRESSED, OR LONGING FOR NON-EXISTENCE. YOU DON'T HAVE MENTAL PROBLEMS, IRRATIONAL FEARS, PARANOIA, TRUE INSOMNIA, NOR DO YOU ABUSE PHYSICAL SUBSTANCES. WHEN YOU'RE WILLING TO GET OVER YOURSELVES, I'LL BE HERE TO HAVE A REAL CONVERSATION ABOUT PROBLEMS.
I know there will probably be some people angry at the things I've said here today. And I encourage you to write the truth about me because I'm actually really interested in it. Of course I cannot really see the truth about myself as clearly as you can/do. Don't worry about hurting my feelings or something, because obviously, I didn't care that much about hurting yours (if I did).
"Truth springs from argument amongst friends."
-David Hume
Signing off,
I'm alright in bed, but I'm better with a pen
(The kid was alright but it went to his head)
I'm alright in bed, but I'm better with a pen
(The kid was alright but it went to his head)
May 7, 2008
she had an earthquake on her mind
sorry i've been gone for a while. just a little depressed is all. whatever, it happens. shrug it off and pick your life back up, which is exactly what i'm doing.
so, heard about it from teri yesterday. it's all over facebook anyway. this is the calendar of events for May:
5/1/08: International Band T-Shirt Day -
5/2/08: International Air Instrument Day -
5/3/08: International Cinema Day -
5/4/08: International Rock Band/Guitar Hero Appreciation Day -
5/5/08: International Salsa Day -
5/6/08: International Poke Day -
5/7/08: International Fake British Accent Day -
5/8/08: International Mountain Dew Day -
5/9/08: International Be Sexually Inappropriate With Your Friends Day -
5/10/08: International Silly String Day -
5/11/08: International Condiment Day -
5/12/08: International ***Powerthirst*** Day - ZOMG <3
5/13/08: International Smack An Ass Day -
5/14/08: International ...In Bed Day -
5/15/08: International Gum-Chewing Day -
5/16/08: International Sexual Act Day -
5/17/08: International Whipped Cream Day -
5/18/08: International Photograph Your Day Day -
5/19/08: International Sexican Day -
5/20/08: International Sexual Innuendo Day -
5/21/08: International Tickle Day -
5/22/08: International Gluten-Free Day -
5/23/08: International Bagel Day -
5/24/08: International Videogame Marathon Day -
5/25/08: International Vegetarian Day -
5/26/08: International Humorous T-Shirt Day -
5/27/08: International Zombie Day -
5/28/08: International Spontaneous Orgasm Day -
5/29/08: International Are You Nervous Day -
5/30/08: International Blame It On _____ Day -
5/31/08: International National Foods Day -
so, heard about it from teri yesterday. it's all over facebook anyway. this is the calendar of events for May:
5/2/08: International Air Instrument Day -
5/3/08: International Cinema Day -
5/4/08: International Rock Band/Guitar Hero Appreciation Day -
5/5/08: International Salsa Day -
5/6/08: International Poke Day -
5/7/08: International Fake British Accent Day -
5/8/08: International Mountain Dew Day -
5/9/08: International Be Sexually Inappropriate With Your Friends Day -
5/10/08: International Silly String Day -
5/11/08: International Condiment Day -
5/12/08: International ***Powerthirst*** Day - ZOMG <3
5/13/08: International Smack An Ass Day -
5/14/08: International ...In Bed Day -
5/15/08: International Gum-Chewing Day -
5/16/08: International Sexual Act Day -
5/17/08: International Whipped Cream Day -
5/18/08: International Photograph Your Day Day -
5/19/08: International Sexican Day -
5/20/08: International Sexual Innuendo Day -
5/21/08: International Tickle Day -
5/22/08: International Gluten-Free Day -
5/23/08: International Bagel Day -
5/24/08: International Videogame Marathon Day -
5/25/08: International Vegetarian Day -
5/26/08: International Humorous T-Shirt Day -
5/27/08: International Zombie Day -
5/28/08: International Spontaneous Orgasm Day -
5/29/08: International Are You Nervous Day -
5/30/08: International Blame It On _____ Day -
5/31/08: International National Foods Day -
May 2, 2008
tired of sitting and hating and making these excuses
things I'm afraid of:
Being alone, dying alone, losing someone important to me, rejection, failure, disappointment, being wrong, admitting I'm wrong, admitting I can't do something, forgetting the memories that mean most to me, hurting someone I love, being beaten, being in a roomful of strangers, being bold, doing what I tell other people to do, taking command, caring too much or too little, holding someone so close that I drive them away, being known as the freak, being hypocritical, my friends abandoning me, getting scared, waking up realizing I don't love someone anymore, someone waking up and realizing they don't love me anymore, taking sides, standing out, fitting in, being forgotten, fighting with someone I care about, not being pretty, not being invited along, living for a really long period of time, losing hope, going deaf and not being able to hear music, driving people away from me, losing time, everything being for nothing, dying slowly, losing wonder, dying inside, being dependent, being pitied, being ignored, being late, being the cause of drama, people worrying about me, growing up too fast, the future, the past, the present, making choices, change, disorganization, organization, similarity, pattern, randomness, life, what other people think of me, someone finding out what I think of other people, leaving the things I love behind, someone I love leaving me behind, walking in dark alleyways and streets alone, biking through the woods at night, running into someone I know but really don't like all that much in a place other than school and not being able to avoid them, being avoided, being talked about behind my back or otherwise, being known as the screw-up, forgetting what he smells like or feels like or sounds like or looks like, forgetting him period, him forgetting me, making a commitment to my future, not being able to breathe, that voice of rationality in my head that tells me that I might have something wrong with me mentally, overdosing, being lied to, being caught, guilt, shame, not finishing something, first impressions being right, becoming like my mother, being too possessive, getting jealous, letting things bother me, opening up to other people, being hurt emotionally, someone destroying something important to me, losing certain possessions, getting lost, walking in front of other people, crying in front of other people, being weak, letting other people's opinions matter to me, my sister being smarter or taller or better than me, my parents favoring my sister, being poor, losing my house, asking for help, receiving help, people thinking i need help, being hit on by creepy guys, not having someone to turn to, people not turning to me, making it all about sex, not having someone to protect me, no one caring about me, people caring too much, losing patience, losing grace, letting go, never seeing him again, losing originality, being dull, starving, being in trouble, being awkward, polygamy, having ugly children, having children period, not knowing what to do, being inexperienced, being hated by anyone, trying my best and still failing, other people being unappreciative or ungrateful, marrying someone like my father, becoming fat, people telling me what to do and how to do it, being bossed around by someone younger than me, being bossed around by someone older than me, being bossed around by anyone, making plans and keeping them, forgetting something that everyone else remembers, keeping dates, completing things on a deadline, being addicted, being socially isolated, messing up, competing, being in the spotlight, being overly annoying, not being normal, wasting my life being unhappy, having no self confidence, being vain, not being able to find humor in things, making others unhappy, being misinterpreted, underachieving, not knowing what to say or do, showing off, resentment, becoming psychotic, taking other people's advice, being pessimistic, being incomplete, having nothing to do, hesitation that causes something tragic, being able to save someone's life and not doing it, my thoughts, contracting a fatal disease, not accomplishing any of my life goals, dying before I feel I should
well jesus christ, I'm not scared to die, I'm a little bit scared of what comes after
Being alone, dying alone, losing someone important to me, rejection, failure, disappointment, being wrong, admitting I'm wrong, admitting I can't do something, forgetting the memories that mean most to me, hurting someone I love, being beaten, being in a roomful of strangers, being bold, doing what I tell other people to do, taking command, caring too much or too little, holding someone so close that I drive them away, being known as the freak, being hypocritical, my friends abandoning me, getting scared, waking up realizing I don't love someone anymore, someone waking up and realizing they don't love me anymore, taking sides, standing out, fitting in, being forgotten, fighting with someone I care about, not being pretty, not being invited along, living for a really long period of time, losing hope, going deaf and not being able to hear music, driving people away from me, losing time, everything being for nothing, dying slowly, losing wonder, dying inside, being dependent, being pitied, being ignored, being late, being the cause of drama, people worrying about me, growing up too fast, the future, the past, the present, making choices, change, disorganization, organization, similarity, pattern, randomness, life, what other people think of me, someone finding out what I think of other people, leaving the things I love behind, someone I love leaving me behind, walking in dark alleyways and streets alone, biking through the woods at night, running into someone I know but really don't like all that much in a place other than school and not being able to avoid them, being avoided, being talked about behind my back or otherwise, being known as the screw-up, forgetting what he smells like or feels like or sounds like or looks like, forgetting him period, him forgetting me, making a commitment to my future, not being able to breathe, that voice of rationality in my head that tells me that I might have something wrong with me mentally, overdosing, being lied to, being caught, guilt, shame, not finishing something, first impressions being right, becoming like my mother, being too possessive, getting jealous, letting things bother me, opening up to other people, being hurt emotionally, someone destroying something important to me, losing certain possessions, getting lost, walking in front of other people, crying in front of other people, being weak, letting other people's opinions matter to me, my sister being smarter or taller or better than me, my parents favoring my sister, being poor, losing my house, asking for help, receiving help, people thinking i need help, being hit on by creepy guys, not having someone to turn to, people not turning to me, making it all about sex, not having someone to protect me, no one caring about me, people caring too much, losing patience, losing grace, letting go, never seeing him again, losing originality, being dull, starving, being in trouble, being awkward, polygamy, having ugly children, having children period, not knowing what to do, being inexperienced, being hated by anyone, trying my best and still failing, other people being unappreciative or ungrateful, marrying someone like my father, becoming fat, people telling me what to do and how to do it, being bossed around by someone younger than me, being bossed around by someone older than me, being bossed around by anyone, making plans and keeping them, forgetting something that everyone else remembers, keeping dates, completing things on a deadline, being addicted, being socially isolated, messing up, competing, being in the spotlight, being overly annoying, not being normal, wasting my life being unhappy, having no self confidence, being vain, not being able to find humor in things, making others unhappy, being misinterpreted, underachieving, not knowing what to say or do, showing off, resentment, becoming psychotic, taking other people's advice, being pessimistic, being incomplete, having nothing to do, hesitation that causes something tragic, being able to save someone's life and not doing it, my thoughts, contracting a fatal disease, not accomplishing any of my life goals, dying before I feel I should
well jesus christ, I'm not scared to die, I'm a little bit scared of what comes after
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)