Apr 4, 2008

i dont know how i got this way, i'll never be alright

so i'm breaking the habit tonight

technically, it started yesterday. but same difference. today was fun. not so much the in school part. hardcore detox man. uncool. felt like shit, it wasn't fully out of my system until like 5:00. but afterwards at frost "helping", was fun.

yeah, so yesterday at lunch, chad/ryan had a bag of pills. he gave some to andrew, andrew gave them to me, i put them in my mouth and that's pretty much how it started. i know, i know. i'm stupid. i had five. i started feeling it in fourth hour, i zoned out during the lecture and when i zoned back in, i knew i was fucked up. fifth hour was... at the very least painful. i sat down, looked at sarah and said, "i feel like throwing up." obviously she asked me what happened and i told her the whole story. and then she proceeds to tell me about her experience with it. she took 1, got completely fucked, and on the way to a friends house threw up everywhere. she had 1. i had 5. so at this point, i'm not feeling too good anymore. i last through most of the hour, and then the last 15-20 minutes, i get up and walk over to natalie's desk.
"i don't feel good. i'm gonna throw up."
"like seriously? are you gonna make it to the bathroom?"
"NOPE"
i calmly walked to the trash can, bent down, and proceeded to puke. the funny thing is, no one even noticed for the longest time. natalie was just kind of standing there awkwardly, because what is she supposed to do? so finally mme. jenkins came over and was like, "are you okay? do you want to go to the office or the bathroom or something?" you know, standard questions. i mean, after the puking, i felt pretty good, so i was like, "no, i'm fine. really. just let me do my business here and i'll be okay." and then i turned back and vomited some more. the next thing i know, i stand up and turn around and the ENTIRE CLASS is standing in a big circle around me and it was really weird because they were just staring at me as i'm wiping vomit off my face with my sleeve because they didn't have any kleenex. and then johnny made my entire day with this:
"HEY! how about we all crowd around her and make her feel even more sick!" it made me laugh at least. they wouldn't leave me alone and kept asking if i was okay. of course i'm okay. if i wasn't, i'd still be up-chucking. it was really funny though because sarah was just sitting there on the desk by me kicking her feet and just looking back and forth between me and natalie. she told me later that she had gone over there to text some people and then the next thing she knows the entire class is there watching me. she said, she knew i was over there, but she didn't realize what i was actually doing. basically, the only ones who really knew what was happening was natalie and sarah, and mary flaharty sort of knew, because she overheard me talking to sarah about it all (after all she does sit right next to sarah). so they were all just sort of looking at each other and then at me and altogether it was really awkward.

after i got a drink of water, which tasted pretty nasty because of all the acid in my throat, i came back to the classroom, grabbed my stuff, and left because the bell rang. that was it. sarah also told me later that a bunch of people came up to her and asked what was wrong with me. and then she told me that kelsey didn't believe that i had really thrown up and like, checked the trash bin to see. which i thought was really gross and funny at the same time.

so yeah, after that, i decided never again. EVER. seriously. never. so today i've been detoxing hardcore. drinking water, ginseng tea, citrus-y things. still felt like shit though. it was still in my system, and i was sickly; and you could see it on my face and by the way i looked. there was no effort in appearance at all. i threw on some pants and carl's hoodie and walked out the door.

so then i went up to frost to "help" with whatever they were doing. went to the woods and they got stoned (remember i'm hxc detoxing; which means getting them OUT of my system). altogether, it was really fun. tom is... well, tom. he managed to hit me square in the forehead with a watermelon slice in the middle of a makeout session. i will admit that was a good shot. my hair's all sticky now though. he also kneed me in the ass pretty good. he was a little to the left, but he hit me so hard it went numb and i had to sit down. they were all douche bags and didn't tell me it was coming. they saw him. joe even pointed out that he literally wound up to do it. whatever, not that i expect any less from them. but still, a heads up would have been nice. by anyone. don't worry though, tom's moment will come. revenge is sweet my friends, and let me assure you that when i get him back, it will be VERY sweet.

i'm not really sure what it was, but i was really horny today. the only problem is, we were at a middle school. and also, i couldn't come over tonight to his house. i gotta get quite a bit of sleep, with the business of my tomorrow. i wish i could have, but i'll see him tomorrow and we'll do some special things ;)

i'm not really sure of what's in store for me tomorrow. probably something epic. it always is.
i'm just wondering though if lizzi is mad at me for telling tom things. i hope not. it just slipped out in conversation. i didn't think he would call you right then and there to bring it up.

No comments: