for lack of a better word and that's my best excuse

love i'm sorry i didn't come over last night. i just ended up not really wanting to go. i love you a lot, but last night just wasn't... right.

i'll come over tonight though i promise. :)

so, patching things up with dillon sort of. it was his idea.
i mean, i got him weed sort of, we hung out sort of, smoked some and talked, like we used to. sort of. and he walked me home, like he used to. i mean, things aren't the best, and they will never be like what they were. i don't think anything will bring us back to that, but it's better than it was. not entirely broken, but not entirely fixed.
he found himself a girlfriend. which is good. i guess. one of the blanchard twins. i hate them so much, but whatever. it's not my place to say who he should date, even before we became... strained.

i'm feeling pretty good right now i guess. i'm fine with my place in the world. i'm not fine with me. i'm never fine with me, strictly because i'm never the way i want to be. no one's perfect, but i can't deal with the fact that i'm not. i guess most of us in this world are like that. pushes some people to extremes. i don't try to let it get to me, but... it gets through occasionally. you can't stand solid forever.

i finally got my sister in so much trouble that she'll never be the same person again. i can finally die happy. it was convenient that on that exact morning i decided i was tired of all of her shit and that i was going to print off one of her im conversations to show my mom just how bad she is. and sure enough, karma has a good way of helping out in the best of times, and james happened to have printed off one such convo the night before. and it was especially terrible. she was making fun of this girl named mary whose dad just died of cancer. i don't think i've ever seen my mom so angry. literally ever. she beat the hell out of my sister for that one. i'm sure i'll get around to telling all the juicy details and such, but i'm watching a movie right now, and it's hard to concentrate on both.

goodnight one and all,

bienvenue à la vie et bienvenue à l'enfer
remember:
i love you