Dear future, I bought you, I own the world

i had a dream last night
it was the first one in a long time
my mom and my dad died
and then i was at school.
and just sat down and cried on carl's shoulder
after school i went back to my moms house, and her boyfriend gary was there
and we were packing all of our stuff up
because we were moving
and i looked back at my room
which at this point had been painted over
and all my stuff was gone
and i reminisced about the moments i had spent in that room
by myself or otherwise
and the moments i had spent in that house
and i began to cry again.
Then we loaded all of our stuff into the car
and went to our dad's house
and got all of our stuff from there as well
going through the same routine as at my mom's house
having moments of nostalgia as i walked through the empty places
subsequently crying
and then getting into the car to leave for godonlyknowswhere
looking back at everything for the last time
and when i woke up i was crying.


and i think now that i know why
i mean, i could care less if my mom or dad died, but the thought of losing, the only good things i have, the places that i lived and the memories i had, would truly kill me inside.

and that got me to thinking this morning, i love these houses, but they are not really homes. and for the life of me i could not say that i actually had a home.
no where that i long to return to, somewhere that i belong, that i want to be.

and when i did find a place that i could call home, it wasnt so much a single place. it was anywhere that i was with people i loved, anywhere with my friends, anywhere with carl. It's a place that i enjoy being, the only place where i am happy, that i want to be. And then i realized, that as long as i have my friends, and i have carl, i will be okay, regardless of what else happens to me.


which gets me to my point. Lots of you are always worried about me. About my problems. And now i hope that you can see, that i am fine. I always have been and always will be fine. You dont need to worry. It will all work out. I just need to deal with it my way, and you can deal with it yours.