:DDDDDD
i most definitely remembered the time at the spree when me and katie waited like half an hour in line to go on the fireball with like the last of our tickets, and when we got on, that song came on and most definitely made our entire summers.
and while i was bathed in nostalgia, i went to my fabulous music website and listened to it and totally pissed my mom off because she thinks that techno, and in particular that song, is annoying.
I'm tired as fuck though and could really use some sleep considering i only got 3 hours last night and then went through the whole day buzzed on 32 fluid ounces of monster.
and now im stuck at my sister's birthday/ jewelry party entertaining a bunch of 5 year olds and being forced to socialize with the other people's preppy teen daughters. Gag me please. Although one of the girls is like me, you know, dressing in all black and listening to screamo and such, but i dont think my mom gets that just because we look alike, doesnt mean we will instantly bond, which is what i think she's trying to get me to do. Yeah. Emo kids are loners for a reason mom. I swear to god i have barely spoken to that girl the entire night, and i doubt i will say much more to her.
uggh. i'm feeling like psychological withdrawls right now. NOT in the sense that i'm like addicted to something, i mean it quite literally, that psychologically, i am withdrawing. i feel almost like i am starting to lose my grip on reality again. but the real problem is, what will this affect in the future? i know what it has done in the past. i'm sure carl is painfully aware, and maybe its just this time of year, where its getting closer to my "impending doom" as i like to call it. i suppose that this time i will be better equipped to deal with it. better prepared you know, and im sure carl will be too, but what i really think, is that when i start to lose it again, just let me be alone for a week or two and get wasted.
that would probably be best for all of us.
anyway, tomorrow i plan on seeing sweeney todd with carl. i have mixed feelings about that movie after i saw the original one, and im just not sure how well a slasher movie can do as a musical. but regardless, i shall see it, and then afterwards me and katie and carl must go to the dollar store to buy an ultra thong.
xD
sounds like fun
except for the mountain of homework i'd have to do. FINALS SUCK DICK
i have to do all of these reviews and whatever, and i dont even remember what ones i can put off until tuesday and what ones are due on monday, which basically means that i have to do all of them :[[[
i really fucked myself over on this one
Jan 10, 2008
So here's your holiday, I hope you enjoy it this time, you gave it all away
It was mine, so when your dead and gone,
Will you remember this night 20 years now on?
The lonely night grips me in my sorrow. Am I cursed to an eternal dark with only a computer playing the saddest of songs and a big gulp filled with coke? And not only that I have no clothes even to liven up my dying limbs. They sit there in the dryer waiting to be moist, or lackthereof, to my satisfaction.
It's cold in the house when im alone. It's cold in the house when im not. It's cold, but such is winter. Telle est la vie, non?
Oui, la vie est très froide à ceux qui sont si chaude. Savez-vous ce que veux dire je? Je pense que vous savez, excepté ceux de toi qui ne parlent pas français. Alors je pense que vous devriez le rechercher dans un traducteur.
Anyways, I am alone, I am cold, it is 4 in the morning, and if it were the summer time, which it is clearly not, i would be awaiting the sunrise. But alas, it is the depressing and tormenting winter time that is January and the sun is not to wake until 8, by which time school of course would have began and completely taken the spledor out of seeing it peak above the horizon, as if testing the water before diving into the sky.
Have you noticed how metaphorical I am right now? It's kind of wierding me out. Maybe it's my imagination telling me to write a story? I don't feel very creative right now, and I don't nearly have the time. C'est une honte. Temps est ce que nous ne semblons jamais avoir, pourtant on besoin tellement de.
:/
that is all for now. I must take a shower, and reacquire my clothes that are (hopefully) dry, and do my homework.
salut, je t'aime
Will you remember this night 20 years now on?
The lonely night grips me in my sorrow. Am I cursed to an eternal dark with only a computer playing the saddest of songs and a big gulp filled with coke? And not only that I have no clothes even to liven up my dying limbs. They sit there in the dryer waiting to be moist, or lackthereof, to my satisfaction.
It's cold in the house when im alone. It's cold in the house when im not. It's cold, but such is winter. Telle est la vie, non?
Oui, la vie est très froide à ceux qui sont si chaude. Savez-vous ce que veux dire je? Je pense que vous savez, excepté ceux de toi qui ne parlent pas français. Alors je pense que vous devriez le rechercher dans un traducteur.
Anyways, I am alone, I am cold, it is 4 in the morning, and if it were the summer time, which it is clearly not, i would be awaiting the sunrise. But alas, it is the depressing and tormenting winter time that is January and the sun is not to wake until 8, by which time school of course would have began and completely taken the spledor out of seeing it peak above the horizon, as if testing the water before diving into the sky.
Have you noticed how metaphorical I am right now? It's kind of wierding me out. Maybe it's my imagination telling me to write a story? I don't feel very creative right now, and I don't nearly have the time. C'est une honte. Temps est ce que nous ne semblons jamais avoir, pourtant on besoin tellement de.
:/
that is all for now. I must take a shower, and reacquire my clothes that are (hopefully) dry, and do my homework.
salut, je t'aime
Jan 7, 2008
Do you believe your missing out? That everything good is happening somewhere else? But with nobody in your bed, the night's hard to get through
Why can't you take emotional sick days? Where you are just so out of it, unhappy, unwilling to go and do anything? I need one of those today. I kind of caught a break though. I went to bed super early, so i could therefore wake up super early, and it worked perfectly, except for the fact that my alarm didnt go off. So i awoke to my dad waking me up at quarter to 6 expecting me to be somewhat ready and able to get to school in half an hour even though i had to take a shower, put my clothes in the dryer, make and eat breakfast, dry and fix my hair, and of course, get dressed. Another perfect example of his lack of parental ability. Plus, i was supposed to wake up early so i could do my homework, which you all know i did not do. So i told him that he should just call me in late as i jumped in the shower.
i was so mad at myself, and at him, i stayed in there for half an hour just trying to calm down and stop crying. Maybe i lost track of time, or maybe i subconciously did it on purpose so that i could stall for time until my sister had to go to school. After which point, no one would be able to take me to school late, so i would have to stay home. But either way, when i got out of the shower, i was not the same as when i went in. I was just emotionally... lost, spent, done. I just absentmindedly floated through the next hour, zombie like as i made waffles and got my clothes from the dryer. I swear i spent about 40 minutes just sitting in front of my mirror looking at it. No, through it, at something that was on the other side, so close, yet so far away. I'm starting to think that i was looking at the way i used to be, the way we all used to be, the way everything used to be. Why can't we just go back to that? When it was so much easier, i was so much happier, everything was just better? When i used to listen, i did well in school, and didnt have thoughts of death hanging over everything i did.
I tried to talk to someone about my problems. He didnt reply. I know he read it. but he didnt reply. I half expected him not to in the first place. How could he give advice to me? We have been through some similar shit, and he's really helped before, but this, this goes way beyond anything we'd ever thought i'd have to face, that he might have to face. But i need guidance. I can't stumble around in the dark anymore, i need something to hold on to, something to help me along, and i'm running out of places to look.
i was so mad at myself, and at him, i stayed in there for half an hour just trying to calm down and stop crying. Maybe i lost track of time, or maybe i subconciously did it on purpose so that i could stall for time until my sister had to go to school. After which point, no one would be able to take me to school late, so i would have to stay home. But either way, when i got out of the shower, i was not the same as when i went in. I was just emotionally... lost, spent, done. I just absentmindedly floated through the next hour, zombie like as i made waffles and got my clothes from the dryer. I swear i spent about 40 minutes just sitting in front of my mirror looking at it. No, through it, at something that was on the other side, so close, yet so far away. I'm starting to think that i was looking at the way i used to be, the way we all used to be, the way everything used to be. Why can't we just go back to that? When it was so much easier, i was so much happier, everything was just better? When i used to listen, i did well in school, and didnt have thoughts of death hanging over everything i did.
I tried to talk to someone about my problems. He didnt reply. I know he read it. but he didnt reply. I half expected him not to in the first place. How could he give advice to me? We have been through some similar shit, and he's really helped before, but this, this goes way beyond anything we'd ever thought i'd have to face, that he might have to face. But i need guidance. I can't stumble around in the dark anymore, i need something to hold on to, something to help me along, and i'm running out of places to look.
Jan 5, 2008
You're brought back but you're running, I'll find sleep in the end tonight. I can't shake this little feeling, I'll never get anything right
Fuck it. I have nothing to say right now.
My yearn to speak out is drowned by my lack of speech. It's stuck in my throat, and it hurts to swallow, but i know this sickness wont pass soon. I can't think of anything. After this one night, this one small comfort, my mind is blank yet again. But what is it that is making me so ill in the mind and the soul? It's one word and i think you probably know what it is. Actually its two words, but there is no difference between them, other than the way they're spelled. Isn't it a funny that they both have four letters? Isn't it funny that they both are inexplicably unexplainable and make me weak in the knees and strong in the heart? Isn't it funny that they can strip you bare inside and out?
Indeed they are funny things
well take me, take me back to your bed
I love you so much that it hurts my head
say I don't mind you under my skin
I'll let the bad parts in, the bad parts in
when we were made we were set apart
life is a test and I get bad marks
now some saint got the job of writing down my sins
the storm is coming, the storm is coming in
My yearn to speak out is drowned by my lack of speech. It's stuck in my throat, and it hurts to swallow, but i know this sickness wont pass soon. I can't think of anything. After this one night, this one small comfort, my mind is blank yet again. But what is it that is making me so ill in the mind and the soul? It's one word and i think you probably know what it is. Actually its two words, but there is no difference between them, other than the way they're spelled. Isn't it a funny that they both have four letters? Isn't it funny that they both are inexplicably unexplainable and make me weak in the knees and strong in the heart? Isn't it funny that they can strip you bare inside and out?
Indeed they are funny things
well take me, take me back to your bed
I love you so much that it hurts my head
say I don't mind you under my skin
I'll let the bad parts in, the bad parts in
when we were made we were set apart
life is a test and I get bad marks
now some saint got the job of writing down my sins
the storm is coming, the storm is coming in
Jan 1, 2008
I am on the mend. At least now I can say that I am trying. And I hope you will forget things I still lack.
It's been so long since I've heard that song. I really love the lyrics. There's just something about them that speaks to me, if you know what I mean, and I'm sure you do. And if you don't, go listen to any album by Brand New completely through and tell me again that you don't. Their new album is amazing. I love the song Jesus.
Don't you ever think that a song was written about you, or for you? I get that way when I hear that song. Well, really any of their songs. It's just so easy to connect to them. Or maybe I'm just a sap for a few well written lines and some laidback yet edgy notes. Either way, the album is so great to listen to.
I love it when you listen to an album nonstop for a few weeks and it practically becomes your life, and then after a few months of misplacement and disregard, you find it buried under all of your shit and put it once again into your cd player and rediscover why you loved it so much in the first place. It's a great feeling. God I love music so much. It's so perfect and flawless, yet it's constantly renewing and refining itself. I think it's really the only stable thing in my life and I don't know what I would've done if the music wasn't there.
Don't you ever think that a song was written about you, or for you? I get that way when I hear that song. Well, really any of their songs. It's just so easy to connect to them. Or maybe I'm just a sap for a few well written lines and some laidback yet edgy notes. Either way, the album is so great to listen to.
I love it when you listen to an album nonstop for a few weeks and it practically becomes your life, and then after a few months of misplacement and disregard, you find it buried under all of your shit and put it once again into your cd player and rediscover why you loved it so much in the first place. It's a great feeling. God I love music so much. It's so perfect and flawless, yet it's constantly renewing and refining itself. I think it's really the only stable thing in my life and I don't know what I would've done if the music wasn't there.
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